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Our word this week is Park:
I feel like I am sitting in park right now. I'm really not moving forward. But I'm not going in reverse either. Just parked.
I have spent the past two years mourning the loss of my dear husband. Richard and I had more than 30 years together. 30 years of ups and downs. Of happiness and frustration. Like most marriages. I knew when I married him I would probably not be spending the "rest of MY life" with him.(He was 18 years older).But I made up my mind that it would be until "death do us part". This was not a first marriage for either of us. But it was going to be our last marriage. And believe me when I tell you there were many times I wondered if we would make it. Or if I would be the reason that "death" would part us. (just kidding, just kidding) There is a lot of give and take in marriage. So many do not want to put in the work. We chose to LIVE our vows.
We did both sides of the "for better or for worse", "for richer or poorer" and "in sickness and in health." We knew exactly how hard it was when the going was rough. And we knew exactly how wonderful it was when we were on the "good" side of things. When it was better, richer, and healthier! I wouldn't change a single day of our years together. Except I would still want him to be sitting there in his recliner waiting for his breakfast. I loved caring for him and I hated it! That is just a fact. I wouldn't wish him back into the life he had for his final year on earth. But I would! Does that even make any sense.
I need to get my life back in drive and move forward. It isn't easy to do. I hate every bit of this process. But it is what life is all about. I haven't a choice. Richard would not want me to spend my life in park. He was a man with a lot of drive and he liked to go. He wasn't a homebody like I am. He liked to travel. He liked to visit people. He liked to find new places for us to see. He even liked grocery shopping. He kept me from being parked all the years we were together. And I feel him nudging me now....to get up and go. I've got to get some gas in the tank and get to driving. Straight down the road of life.