|Taking a break from garden duties|
It's been two years. That is 730 days. 17,520 hours. Such a long, long time. I have not "gotten over" anything. But I am working through it and processing it in my own way. This is important for every grieving person to do. There isn't a right way or a wrong way to grieve your spouse. And grieving a spouse is different from every other kind of grief I have experienced in my lifetime. I have lost both of my parents. My dad died when I was only 7 years old. My mom left us in 2005. I've lived through the death of a baby daughter in 1974. And the deaths of friends and other relatives. But none of these deaths have been like losing my husband. He was my soul-mate. My best friend. And the love of my life. I miss him everyday. And I think of him constantly!
I still talk about Richard to family and friends. The kids and I share memories of him with each other. But I don't dwell on the feelings that assault my senses almost daily. These are kept private. And I cry alone, then move on. I know that I will never get over the loss. And that is okay! This is my new normal. Life will never be the same but I am okay. I can laugh. I can remember him. And I can have a good day!
|His retirement party at Eaton|
I feel the second year was harder than the first. Does that make sense? In the first year I was focused on the paperwork, the household chores I needed to learn, the "first" holidays. I didn't really focus on the grieving. So during this second year I grieved. I am still grieving. I will always grieve. But that doesn't mean I have stopped living.
|In front of our "wedding tree"|
We haven't yet taken his ashes to be scattered over his favorite place on earth (besides here with me, of course) Lake Isabel, Colorado. We are talking about doing that in February. On our way home from Darian's boot camp graduation. He would have been so proud to know his one and only grandson is becoming a Marine. So we will take him to California with us! And leave him in Colorado. Maybe!?!
|On a cruise ship|
I feel Richard's presence every single day. He is here with me. He will always be here with me. Thank you, dear readers, for being here, too, during this tough time! I appreciate you all much more than you will ever know.