It has been an entire year. A year that has passed by so quickly. I find it hard to believe that the time has flown past. Even though every day without you was so long and hard the days flew by and now it's been a year. The pain is still so fresh. I still miss you just as much. I imagine that I always will. And it will always be with just a smidgen of heartache that I think of you.
I didn't think it would be easy to live without you. I just didn't think it would be this hard. Will it get easier? I wish that I could hear you tell me that everything is going to be okay. You always were the up-beat one of the two of us. You always saw the cup as half-full! I miss you so much!
I didn't think the tears could last for a year, but they have. I am always surprised when they come. It might be during a movie, because of a certain smell, a song, or just something someone says. That can all bring about a memory of you. Every single time I think I have cried until I can't cry anymore a fresh supply of tears come. They never seem to end.
We have managed to survive a year of 'firsts' without you. Something I did not feel I could do. But of course I have. Of course life has gone on. Just like we knew it would.
You left me on July 21, 2014 at 5:20 p.m. A date and time that will be forever etched in my heart. In my memory. A part of my life.
Shortly after, on August 6th, we would have celebrated our wedding anniversary. I didn't even think about it that day. It wasn't until days later that I realized I had missed it. Something you never would have done. You always, always remembered. That first year after we were married you brought me roses every month...one for the first month, two for the second, then three and all the way to a dozen on our first wedding anniversary. You
were so romantic. And I was very lucky.
The kids returned to school in September and I was home alone. The first time since I met you that I was all alone. It was hard. But I survived. The kids miss you but they are so resilient. I know that you are watching over them. Justin came today! He misses you too.
We survived all the seasons this past year without you. The sun kept coming up every morning. The breezes kept on blowing. Life went all around me. And you were still gone.
Fall, with Halloween and Thanksgiving, came and went. We didn't put up those awful blow-ups that you loved so much. And I didn't make Mrs. Woods Cranberry salad. And it turns out that I figured out how to carve the turkey!
Christmas wasn't the same. We decorated the tree. But we didn't put up the lights outside. Maybe we will this year. Maybe we never will again. Because you will always be missing in all the Christmases of my future.
I managed to make it through Valentine's Day and Easter and Mother's Day and Father's Day without you. We celebrated Memorial Day and the 4th of July. Some of them were uneventful. And some the ache was deep. And some I cried off and on all day long. I miss you.
I love you just as much now as ever. I always will. I miss you more than I ever thought I would. People around me have moved on. Some think that I have too! Many wish that I would move on! But I'm not moving on! I don't want to right now. And maybe I never will! You were my rock, my friend, the most important man in my life. I loved you. I adored you! I miss you. Life goes on. It is just different without you. You aren't here. You are gone. Just gone!