Friday, May 1, 2015

April Review/May Goals

My end of month review template is brought to us by A Life Less Bullshit blog. Check out what Nicole has to tell us. She has been helping me learn that I am an imperfect person doing the best I can.

My End of April Review
Thinking Back Over the Month of April I am:
Most proud of: I am most proud of completing the A to Z Challenge.
Deeply grateful for: I am deeply grateful for friends who are still hanging in there with me on my grieving trip. Thanks to a special group: Betty, Wendy, Myra, Ellie, Hilary, and Gram are just a few of the names that jump to mind. They encourage me to take it slowly and one day at a time. And I am deeply grateful for that.
Choosing to be at peace with: I have such a hard time choosing to be at peace with anything. Ask my grandchildren. They will tell you that 'granny never lets go of ANYTHING'. So for the next month I am going to chose to be at peace with the things I do not get done. I'll just put it on the list for tomorrow. Or for next month! And try really, really hard to be at peace. Today I choose to be at peace for all that didn't happen in April!
Giving myself credit for: I am giving myself credit for what I can get done. It's only me. I have the kids to help but they also have busy lives and while I can use them when I need to I need to give myself credit for what I can do!
Delightfully surprised by: Okay, I am thinking. What surprised me in the month of April. Oh I know, I know. I was delightfully surprised by the taste of a wild pig. I expected it to taste 'wild'. But it didn't. And there was almost no fat at all when I cooked it!. Like less than a teaspoon in the bottom of the skillet. Lean, wild pig!
Looking ahead to May
I am super excited about: I am super excited about getting outside. Feeling the warm sun shining on my face. Digging in the dirt. Mowing the grass. And yes, even pulling weeds. One of my favorite things to do.
I am going to experiment with: During the month of May, as part of my New Years goal to
Eat better, I am going to experiment with Dr. Oz's Two-Week Rapid Weight Loss Plan. Then in June I can start with the Total Choice program.  I haven't decided yet when I will start. But I am doing all my homework now. I have done my best with specific plans in the past when I want to change my eating habits. Wish me luck!
I am fully committed to: As I start my new eating plan I am going to (once again) become fully committed to walking at least 3 times a week. You will see I don't say every day because I know that I won't do that. So let's start with just 3 days! Go Paula!!
I am consciously prioritizing: I am consciously prioritizing my spring cleaning list. There are just some things I need to work on more than others. So I need to prioritize. Do you do this?
I am planning to read: I have just started The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult. I'm not very far but I have a feeling it is going to be a heavy read. So my next book is going to be a light one. Any suggestions?
I am obsessed with learning more about: I am obsessed with reading and learning more about Dr. Oz' Total 10 program.
I am keeping this quote in mind:
Now, The Big Question:
May Goals:
1. Attitude
2. Home
3. Health
4. Spiritual Growth
5. Budget
What do you think? Do you have things you need to work on and things you need to let go of?


  1. I'm going to look at that Dr. Oz rapid weight loss :) I want to take off a few pounds of winter fat that managed to find its way to me :)

    I am glad to be of help during your grieving, Paula; I often feel like I say the wrong thing, but know I do care deeply about you and am sorry you are at the place of grieving.

    It is always an accomplishment to finish the A/Z!

    I need to let go of the bitterness I carried for 4 years where we were living; need to bury that and not unearth it. I also need to let go of those 30-50 pounds :)


    1. Good luck with Dr. Oz. I think I am about ready to try it for two weeks. Then I'll be ready for his Total Choice program. I wish you luck! I am happy that you keep caring for me. I am lucky to call you my friend. It's hard to let go of bitterness. I have some I need to let go of as well.

  2. What-cha talking about, my (still) hanging in there on your grieving trip? I'm honored you let me tag along! (smile)

    Me? I'm still struggling with this 'Release' business I thought to honor in 2015.
    I got rid of my pesky treadmill last Saturday ... does that count? Seriously, I'm excited about transforming that room where the treadmill used to live into a personal space, surrounded by things that make my heart happy. 3 guesses where I got that idea!?!

    Love ya, lady!

    1. I am honored to call you my friend Myra! Release is hard isn't it? Ha! Ha! I had a treadmill once, It was a great place to hang clothes. I can't wait to hear about your room! Keep me posted

  3. Thanks for putting me on the short list. What a nice compliment.

    1. Wendy you have helped me through so much! I am honored to call you my friend!

  4. What a sweet thing to say. I am so glad you have a circle of folks who are hanging in there with you. There is such deep truth in three words you wrote under "Giving Myself credit for". You said "It's only me." It is, isn't it? The stark reality of walking on through grief alone is that it takes a lot of strength. We are one when we used to be two and yet the work of two must be now done by one. The key is to kerp walking through the grief . . . even if it's slower some days.

    1. That's what I am trying to do Gram. I think I'm in an okay spot. I just sometimes listen to people who wonder why I am still grieving. The hardest part is going from TWO to only one! How long have you been just one?

    2. Well, my dear, I am a nerd, but in this instance it works for the good. Don't listen to those who wonder why you are still grieving. Here's the nerd part: you have only gotten through 3/4 of the first year after the death of your husband. Not that you can't mourn longer than a year, but you haven't even gone through all the 'firsts' yet like Mother's Day and Father's Day. And how long were you his caregiver? I'm not sure the work of grief begins at the last breath of a loved one when long-term care was provided. I think utter exhaustion comes first and if utter exhaustion doesn't come first, then it's guilt mixed with utter exhaustion because Lord knows how we question our caregiving too. And are we really getting to grieve when we have to make sure we ordered enough legal copies of the death certifate . . . only after we catch that our loved one's name was misspelled? Nope! That is not grief yet, either. That is still being brave and vigilant until every detail is sorted out. For long-trem caregivers, there is also PTSD to be considered. Such intense vigilance for so long can have its own ill-effects. ADD TO THAT the fact that you are caring for minor childrecn through all this. We do not get to cry into the school lunches we have to pack. Additionally, I hope you did not have to listen to anyone tell you they understood your grief and loss because they 'had just put their sick cat down.' When any or all of that gets sorted out, there is still your grief to deal with. I don't think we get to be 'fine' until this is all sorted out. There is good news, though. It can all get sorted out and then we become a stronger 'one'.

      I am nearly to the ead of my tenth year of being 'one.' If you need a lift, listen to the song at this link: I love what the University of Minnesota Children's Hospital did with the tune!

    3. Wow! Ten years. Yes, I have heard it all. People compare my loss to theirs all the time. I think that is probably just part of human nature. No two people grieve alike. I think you are right that I did not start grieving at the beginning. For the first three months I just felt like I was in a fog. Waking up, eating, sleeping, waking up....just to get through the day. After 3 years of taking care of him 24/7 I was exhausted. In fact, I think I have just begin to catch up with my sleep. I still don't sleep like I used to. Maybe I never will again. Thank you so much for coming back to address this. I think I might mourn his loss for the rest of my life. I'll just begin to mourn differently.

    4. You're welcome. Three years 24/7 is a grueling journey! You deserve whatever sleep you can snag!

    5. Thank you Gram. It was grueling for sure

  5. I start getting way ahead of myself - thinking what I need to do tomorrow or the next day or the next... I'm trying so hard to just take it all one day at a time! Trying to do that!!! I've been getting out for a walk almost every day and it really helps me - mentally and physically. Walking takes weight "off the heart"....

    Linda in VA

    1. Sometimes one day at a time works for me too! I like that saying "Walking takes the weight "off the heart".....mentally and physically!

  6. I will always hang in there with you, I adore you! I love how you write the month review and what your goals are for the coming month, I think it is really a great idea! at peace with things, because you can fit them in when you are ready to fit them in and the mood strikes. I am not good at being at peace most of the time, I beat myself up over what I want to get done and then don't. I find it easier to TELL someone to be at peace, lol!! Your walking goal is great, 3 days a week is totally doable and it is a great idea, because you can be super flexible with it! Rah, rah, rah, siss boom bah!! Goooooooo Paula!! There is my little cheer for you! xoxo

    1. Oh Ellie you are too sweet! I am really good at giving advice that I can't follow too! Thanks for your cheer.


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