MYSELF

What a great prompt to finish up the November Gratitude Challenge: MYSELF

It is hard to be grateful for oneself, isn't it? It is something I have to work on. Putting me first has never been easy. I haven't ever done it. 

I am a complicated person. Like all women. We are daughters, sisters, wives, aunts, grandmothers, friends, heads of household. We are cooks, maids, laundresses, carpet cleaners, floor sweepers, pet caregivers. We wear many hats. 

I define myself. And I will define my future. A new year awaits me. A new life is ahead. Hopefully I can be grateful and move ahead in the direction that I will design for myself.

How do you define yourself? Are you grateful for yourself??

SELF-CARE

I will be the first to admit that I "suck" at self-care. I can take care of the needs of all of those around me. I can call myself a good care-giver to my grandkids! I was an excellent care-giver to my husband. But I take lousy care of myself. I don't pay attention to what I eat. I don't exercise. I worry too much. I am filled with stress. I need to pay more attention to self-care. Maybe that will be a good goal for 2015. I am grateful today to have the moments to think about what good self-care will mean to me and to my family.

LETTING GO

Here we are at the end of Thanksgiving Day! Hope that all of you had a great day with family and friends. We ate chili dogs with my brother at noon and then Darian went to eat Thanksgiving dinner with his girlfriend's family. Harley and I spent the rest of the day watching TV and napping. Then we drove down main street to see the Christmas lights downtown. And found Spangles open so we stopped and brought home burgers and fries. 
Looking forward to cooking Thanksgiving on Saturday....Now for my November gratitude post....






Today's prompt on my November Gratitude challenge is: letting go! I don't know if I am grateful for letting go, but it is something that we all need to do at one time or another. Isn't it? 

People come into our lives; and people go. Sometimes it is good to let go. There are people in our lives that we are hanging onto for the simple reason that we fear letting go will somehow change our lives. It is true. It will change your life. But if that person, or persons, are no longer bringing you joy and contentment it might be time to let go. If they are just bringing you sadness and resentment, it might be time to let go.

I have had to let go of numerous people in my lifetime. For a variety of reasons. That doesn't mean that I no longer think of them. Or have good memories. Or, even, love them. It just means that I have to let go and find someone who will support me, love me, and add something to my life. And cherish the memories. It is the "good" kind of letting go.

I will be grateful if I can learn to let go of what I need to let go of! But I will always hold the memories close!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

It is Thanksgiving 2014. Thanksgiving was always been my favorite holiday. I liked preparing a large meal and inviting all the family over to our house. Richard loved this too. He would look forward to Thanksgiving for weeks in advance. And he loved to help in the kitchen.  He would get out the old food grinder and chop the cranberries to make Mrs. Smith's Cranberry Salad. He and I were the only ones that really liked it. None of the kids would touch it. Mrs. Smith was an old friend of his mother's and that is how we always remembered her; by naming the cranberry salad after her.(She was the first to make the salad for his family) He loved to cook cream cheese corn and stuffing made from bread crumbs with lots of onions and celery. He always got up early, with me, to put the turkey in the oven. Many times that was the first thing I did when I came home from working all night at the hospital. And he would have a glass of wine waiting. Weird for 7 a.m.; unless you truly understand working the night shift. And then it is kind of like having a glass at 5 p.m. if you get off at 4!
And no one but Richard carved the turkey.(you can read my poem here). Unless he could talk my cousin into doing it. But even if Calvin did it, Richard supervised. Oh how we loved the big family get together. We often combined his family with my family and our house would be full. Just like he wanted it. That changed a number of years ago. Older family members passed; family members quit speaking; feelings got hurt; and the gatherings shrank. Today it will be just us three.  Richard is gone. But I know that he will be smiling down on us. And he'll laugh that we are eating chili dogs. And he will be happy we are getting together with a few on Saturday. I wish all of my family (those of you who are reading and those of you who don't) and friends the Happiest Thanksgiving ever.


At our house we like to do random acts of kindness. But we don't tell people we are doing them. That is what makes them special. So for my November Gratitude challenge I want to remind everyone to be kind to one another. We need each other in a world that isn't always kind. Love to you all!

STILLNESS

The stillness in the sunset from my front step!

I think I have talked about this before. I am not really fond of stillness. Not as in quiet. I feel as if my mind races when it gets too quiet. I am a worrier. My family can attest to that. And for the most part I don't think any of them much like it. As a matter of fact neither do I but it is what it is. And therefore when things get still I can start to imagine things happening and my mind begins to go crazy. So as for quiet I am not a fan. However, with that being said, I do like stillness. As in the stillness of the air. The stillness of the water. The stillness of the day. The stillness of my heart. So today we celebrate stillness.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

My blog is representative of me and my opinions. And I welcome the opinions of everyone. I will listen and not judge. I expect the same courtesy to be given to me. Now about the current events that are dominating the TV screen...The verdict is in on the Michael Brown case in Ferguson, Missouri. The Grand Jury did not find enough evidence to indict. I didn't have all of the evidence and neither did the rest of the world. Only those on the Grand Jury saw it all. Only the Grand Jury got to talk with Darren Wilson, the police office who shot and killed Michael Brown. We don't have the facts. But in the days ahead I think all of the evidence is supposed to be released.

I have a son who is a deputy. And he puts his life on the line every single day he walks out his door. I pray for him. A lot! I pray for all police officers. It is a thankless job and that makes me so sad. When a police officer is doing their job; they are damned. If they don't do their jobs; they are damned. Just like any job, anywhere, there are good people and there are bad people. There are bad doctors. There are bad lawyers. There are bad nurses and teachers and you see what I mean. It is time for this country to quit lumping them all together. When I am in trouble or in fear for my life I want it to be a police officer who comes to my rescue.

courtesy of ABC news

It is crazy what went on in Ferguson last night after the recommendation of the Grand Jury was read. How does it help anyone to burn businesses and cars? Why would anyone find it necessary to shoot guns at police officers, just to protest what they feel is wrong? How does looting a business advance your cause? Why do you invite people like Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton to speak on the behalf of people who think they were wronged? These two only want publicity and they want to continue to spread hate and fear. All of what Martin Luther King fought for disappears when these two show up. 

I believe that people have the right to protest. I believe that people have the right to not agree. But nothing will ever change the feelings that Americans have about honest, law-abiding citizens protesting if it is done in the manner it was last night in Ferguson, Missouri. Shame on all of you who participated.  

Movement

Before surgery in Kalispell, Montana

I am thankful today for movement. In February 2004, while vacationing in Montana, I had the misfortune to fall on ice and snow and break my leg. It was a serious break in 4 places to both my tibia and my fibula. I had surgery, with a rod and screws placed into the bones,in Kalispell, Montana and then flew home. I was non-weight bearing for the next three months. I found out what it was like to lose my movement. And it was terrible. I spent four months in therapy to be able to stand and walk again. I still have a rod in the fibula but all the screws have been removed. My right leg hurts when it gets cold. And I still have a bit of a limp. More noticeable when I am tired. I am grateful to the doctors in Kalispell and to my wonderful Doctor and therapists here in Hutchinson, Kansas.

My Simple Woman's Daybook-November 24th Edition

For Today...November 24, 2014

Outside my window...

Bright blue sky...sun is shining. But pretty windy. No as cold as it has been. Almost all the leaves are gone from the trees now. 

I am thinking...

I am thinking about the weekend that we had. Justin and Paige came after having not seen them for the last two weekends. Darian and Harley attended their final debate tournament. Darian qualified for State. Harley is just glad it is over. And, Darian went on his FIST date to Winter Formal at school.

I am thankful...

I am thankful for all of the good memories that were created at our house.

In the kitchen...

Monday....Chicken Wraps* & Tater Tots.
Tuesday...Hamburgers & French Fries
Wednesday.Chicken Enchilada Soup*
Thursday..Chili dogs & chips
Friday....Cream Cheese Chicken*
Saturday..Traditional Thanksgiving meal
Sunday....Leftovers, of course!
*linked recipes

I am wearing...

You are all in for a surprise...because today I am wearing LONG gray yoga pants with a black tee shirt. And barefoot of course!

I am creating...

I am creating this post and I just finished creating my November gratitude post. It is here if you are so inclined to read it.

I am going...

I am going to catch a nap later today. And read from my book.

I am wondering...

I am wondering what people will think when they see my menu for Thanksgiving is Chili dogs. Ha! Ha! And we might put up the Christmas tree too. A fun day planned for just the 3 of us. Justin and Paige, my brother, and Darian's girl will join us on Saturday for our Thanksgiving meal.

I am reading...

I am reading "The One You Love" It was a freebie from BookBub. I haven't decided yet if I like it. But once I start reading a book I usually finish it. So I'll tell you when I am done.

I am hoping...

I am hoping that my new blog colors will be easier to read. I had a few comments from some of my readers that the other blog colors were not easy to read. So tell me what you think?

I am looking forward to...

I am looking forward...outward...front ward. Not backwards. Not much anyway.

I am learning...

I am learning that is is just necessary to put on foot forward and drag the other one up beside it. And paste on a smile.

Around the house...

This weekend I actually cleaned out the freezer (the one in the fridge) and used Easy off to clean the oven. I have two ovens. One is a self-cleaner. And the other one isn't. Now which one do you suppose we use the most? Crazy, I know but we tend to use the one that needs cleaned with Easy Off. Figure that out.

I am pondering...

I am pondering the holiday season. As I am sure most of you are. 

A favorite quote for today...

A few plans for the rest of the week...

Like most of you I am planning for Thanksgiving. We will have a traditional meal with quite a few less people than we have had in the past. I think for this year that is a good thing. 

A peek into my weekend...

Final Debate Tournament
November 22, 2014

Winter Formal November 22, 2014

I would love to have everyone go over to Peggy's Simple Woman's Blog and join in with the ladies writing in their Daybooks. 

INTENTION

Loving him....that was my intent! And I am grateful for the years we had together. It was not always roses and candy. But what relationship is? We had many fights. Most were not serious. I admit there were times that I thought of leaving. And there were times that he thought of leaving. It wasn't anymore of a fairy tale relationship that any other normal marriage in this world is. But we were committed to each other. We lived together for 17 years before we took a trip down the proverbial aisle and made it legal. It was always a commitment though. Never once did anyone who knew us ever have a doubt that we were not committed for the long run. Here was our intention: 

"I take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse,for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part."

And I fulfilled every single one of those intentions. Right up to the day that death parted us. 

Those were our simple,traditional vows to each other the day we were married. But we were already living that intent long before we were married in the eyes of the law. Because we had been married for many years in the eyes of the Lord. Our Lord. He had already given us the blessing of our intentions. I will always be grateful for the years that he was my husband. 

PEACE

What does peace mean to you? Do you think about your own peace. Or world peace. Or peace and quiet. Peace means: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. It also means freedom from war or violence. I grew up in the 1960's when the hippies made peace mean freedom to love. We all have that symbol in our minds of Peace of the 1960's. They preached peace but it wasn't a very peaceful time as I remember it. My brother was 18 years old and serving in the jungles of Viet Nam.

We would all like to have peace in our families. I know that many of you, like myself, have struggles in this area. 

Maybe forgiving others might help each of us find the peace that we deserve.

Today I am going to be thankful for the peace that I have at this moment. And I will continue to pray for peace in the world, in my family, and for each of you. Because I want to be thankful for peace.

WHO'S GOING TO CARVE THE TURKEY?

Who's Going To Carve The Turkey

bY...ME!

Who's going to carve the turkey

Or watch the parade with me on TV?

Who's going to cut the pumpkin pies,

And who's going to whip the cream?

Who's going to grind the cranberries,

Or hold my hand when we say Grace?

Who's going to get up extra early,

To help prepare for the day?

Who's going to pull out all the boxes,

And help us put up the tree?

Who's going to hang the lights outside,

It used to be just you and me.

Who's going to help me Christmas shop?

And encourage me to spend too much.

Who's going to hang the stockings,

Or place the nativity on the hutch?

Who's going to ride around with us,

To see all the pretty lights?

Who's going to carve the turkey?

And help us see the magic in the night?

Who's going to stay up really late

To see in another bright, new year?

Who's going to buy the hats, horns, & champagne

And listen as we all cheer?

The holidays are upon us.

This was your favorite time of year.

We are going to miss you dearly

But we know you're still right here. 

PURPOSE

September 2014

What is the purpose of my life? I have been known to ask that question from time to time. I think all that are human question their purpose. 

"Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

It was these two who taught me that it is not my own selfish desire that is important. But the ability to love and consider others is what really matters in life. You can do this even if you don't believe in God or the Bible. These two have give my life the purpose that I need. Especially now...I selfishly cling to them. They are my reason for getting up in the mornings. The reason I am putting one foot in front of the other. They need me...and I need them! I am thankful that God put these two on my doorstep on December 15, 2008. They are my purpose!!

Has Anyone Noticed?

Friday is when I wander over to Kate Motaung's blog to see what the Five Minute Friday prompt is. Then I wander around some of the other writer's blog for a bit. Then I head back here and open a blank page. And I write for five minutes, without much thought, without much editing. I just let all my feeling pour out through the tips of my fingers. And hope that I don't offend anyone. Or expose myself too much. Or show you that I am really just a weak and grieving woman with a desire to write..so here goes.

Go


Today is the day. I wonder if anyone will notice. Well besides me, I mean. Because I have noticed every second, every minute, every hour since he's been away. Today marks the fourth month anniversary. Four very long, long months. And then again it seems like only yesterday. I ask myself, "how long will you go on counting time this way?" And I don't have an answer. Because I notice in so many ways that he is no longer here with me. I can't hear his voice. Or smell his smell. Or spend time sharing the little parts of my day. I can't close my eyes and see him anymore. I sit and I wait. I'm not sure what I am waiting on. But I wait. And I cry. And sometimes it just hurts so bad that I don't think I can do this for one more day. My throat hurts with the pain of trying to choke back loud, wailing sobs. My chest hurts when I notice he isn't here any longer. 

I don't know where I am on the grief spectrum. And I don't really care. There are days that I feel like I am moving on. That I can do this. That it really isn't that painful anymore. And then I notice that he's gone and it starts all over again. I'm sure that people who come to this blog wish that I would talk about something else. And I have tried. I really have. But this is the real me. This is what I am all about right now. And I am determined to get through this. I want to feel everything. I want to feel the pain. I want to feel the sadness of no longer being a wife. I want to feel the wonder of what being a widow will feel like. I need to feel every single emotion and go all the way through it. Until I don't want to do it anymore. I am sorry if you are tired of reading about it. I don't write this for you. I write it for me. 

I don't know that in the end I will be okay. I don't know when the end will be. I don't know that there is a reason for everything. But I do know that every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, I notice that he is gone. And it hurts... 


Stop

PASSION

1983

For almost 34 years my passion was being a nurse. When I was 28 years old I decided to go back to school to become a nurse. It was not my passion at that time. But I needed a way to help raise my boys in a world where expenses were ever growing. I had always found anything medical to
be interesting...even fascinating. But I didn't plan to be a nurse.

And then I started nursing school. Well it wasn't really a nursing school. It was a community college. I have an associates degree in nursing. It was those first few years when it became my passion. When I sat at the side of an elderly lady in the nursing home and she showed me how to quilt. When I watched babies being born. When I stood at the shoulder of the surgeon and watched as he extracted a huge cancer from a man's colon. As I hugged a teenage girl who had just lost her mom to breast cancer. Yes, even when I broke the rules to help a dying man smoke his last cigarette in a world where NO SMOKING now reigned. Nursing became my passion.

This passion led me down a very long road. The road of hospital nursing where so many changes took place that it was hard to stay on top of all of them. The road to long term care where I found my true passion in nursing. The elderly have so much to teach us. All we have to do is listen to them. Give them time. And the attention they deserve.

My nursing career ended with me giving care to the most wonderful patient I have ever had. My own husband. I am glad that I was able to be there, to give back to him all the love and care he had given to me and our sons. I ended my career at an all time high!!

I am grateful to have been a nurse.

Throwback Thursday

Last week for Throwback Thursday I showed you a picture of me with my mom when I was only somewhere around the age of 2. Here I am with her when I am 18. This picture was taken at my wedding shower. Egads, who would get married when they are only 18. Love those glasses mom had on. Fashionable! And that shirt that I am wearing....do you remember when they were so popular?? LoL, enjoy!

SOMETHING I ACCOMPLISHED TODAYNovem

This is a chore that I put off and put off and put off. Do you have a chore like that? But today I cleaned the aquarium. I love it when it is clean and clear and my fish is happy. See him up there swimming about? His name is HarlsBarkley! Guess who named him? And hiding in the log down there is a plecostomus. His name is Little Scar. We used to have one that was close to 10 inches long when he died. His name was Mr. Scarface. Hence, little Scar. He is only about 2 inches right now. I need to get some more goldfish to keep HarlsBarkley company. What did you accomplish today?

TOUCHING SPIRIT BEAR

This is the overview written by Barnes and Noble:

Within Cole Matthews lie anger, rage, and hate. Cole has been stealing, fighting, and lying for years. His attack on a classmate has left the boy with permanent physical and deep psychological damage and Cole in the biggest trouble of his life. To most, Cole seems beyond hope. But when he's offered a chance at an alternative path called Circle Justice, based on Native American tradition, Cole finds himself banished to a remote Alaskan island, where his rage and isolation lead him to another brazen attack. This time, his intended victim is the Spirit Bear of Native American legend—and the clumsy assault ends with Cole mauled nearly to death, desperately clinging to the life he has tried so hard to

waste.

Rescuers arrive to save Cole's life, but it is the attack of the Spirit Bear that is the start of Cole's long journey to accepting responsibility for his life and saving his soul.

This gripping, graphic survival story from an award-winning writer paints an unsparing picture of one violent teen and offers a poignant testimony to the power of pain that can destroy and may also heal.

 When Darian and Harley first came to live with us Darian was struggling, much like the boy Cole in this story. He hadn't yet reached a place where he left someone with permanent damage (thank God) but he was lying, fighting, stealing and getting into lots of trouble at school. It was early in his 7th grade year that this book was given as an assignment. He loved the story. I have been meaning to read it for some time and yesterday I downloaded it to my Nook and spent the entire day reading it. The book is less than 200 pages so it was a quick read. I do not have a single doubt in my mind that this book made a big impact on Darian. I did not know this at that time. We were struggling to get him on the right path. Sometimes things are placed in our lives for all the right reasons. I think this was one of those times....Darian is now an up-standing student who no longer fights, steals, or lies (well maybe he still does this some). His life is turned around. I am so thankful that he is with us and had the opportunities he has had. This book is a powerful story. I highly recommend reading it.

SOMETHING THAT FILLS ME WITH LOVE

These two fill me with love. This is an old picture (1994) Justin was graduating from high school. And I had not yet become estranged from my oldest son. They are as different as day and night. As different as hot and cold. As different as sons can be. I love them both. I wish we could fix this family. That day will come I am sure. They fill me with love and I am grateful for both of them, in one way or another!

KEEPING FAITH

This is the overview from Barnes and Noble:

For the second time in her marriage, Mariah White catches her husband with another woman, and Faith, their seven-year-old daughter, witnesses every painful minute. In the aftermath of a sudden divorce, Mariah struggles with depression and Faith seeks solace in a new friend - a friend who may or may not be imaginary. Faith talks to her "Guard" constantly and begins to recite passages from the Bible - a book she's never read. Fearful for her daughter's sanity, Mariah sends her to several psychiatrists. Yet when Faith develops stigmata and begins to perform miraculous healings, Mariah wonders if her daughter - a girl with no religious background - might indeed be seeing God. As word spreads and controversy heightens, Mariah and Faith are besieged by believers and disbelievers alike; they are caught in a media circus that threatens what little stability they have left. What are you willing to believe? Is Faith a prophet or a troubled little girl? Is Mariah a good mother facing an impossible crisis ... or a charlatan using her daughter to reclaim the attention her unfaithful husband withheld? As the story builds to a climactic battle for custody, Mariah must discover that spirit is not necessarily something that comes from religion but from inside oneself.

I got this book from BookBub for only $1.99. Otherwise I don't know if I would have bought it. I like Jodi Picoult and I like her style of writing but I recently finished her newest book Leaving Time. I don't really like to read two books by the same author close together. Do you feel that way as well? Now about Keeping Faith: This book is about a couple who divorce because of his infidelities and the little girl starts seeing and talking with God. Her mother, who has a past of mental health issues, is fighting to keep custody of Faith. Word gets around about Faith, God, and Miracles and their lives get crazy due to all the publicity. It was a good story. A lot of it a bit hard to believe. And I do believe in God! I just don't think things quite work this way. And I HATED how the book ended. But it was a good read. I would recommend it!

Something That Fills Me With Hope

As most of you know these 3 are my biological grandchildren. There are 6 others that call me Grandma but I don't get to see them very often anymore. The two oldest girls are just off doing their own thing and the 4 that belong to our 'adopted' daughter are busy with life and I don't see them or even talk to them much. But these 3 fill me with hope. Hope for today, tomorrow, and all the years ahead. They are the best. I am happy they are mine. I am grateful they still want to spend time with this old lady! The teen years can be difficult (especially with girls, lol) and we still have a tight relationship. I love you Harley, Darian, and Paige. You give me hope.

My Simple Woman's Daybook November 17th Edition

For Today ...November 17, 2014

Outside my window...
It is very dark and very cold here at my house. The sky is clear and the stars feel so close. Richard always said that these kind of skies (like I looked at tonight) means that it will get really cold. We are expecting a low of 10*

I am thinking...
It was a hard weekend. I'm not sure why. But I felt tearful so often. Every commercial on TV, the songs on the radio, talk about the holidays....just feeling a bit sad tonight.

I am thankful...
I am so thankful that I have Darian and Harley here with me. I cannot even begin to imagine what going through this grief would have been like if I had not had them. They know just when I need a hug. Or a laugh. And the mere fact that they like to eat and wear clean clothes gets me off the couch to stay involved in life.

In the kitchen...

Monday...Chicken Pot Pies (Marie Calendar)
Tuesday...Chicken Wraps, Tomato Soup
Wednesday...church for kids
Thursday...Beef Stew*
Friday...Italian Chicken and Stuffing**
Saturday...Green Bean Soup (Determination)
Sunday...Firehouse Chicken, Baked potatoes
* linked recipes

I am wearing..
 Capri pants, tee shirt, barefoot

I am creating...
 This blog post and one for my November gratitude challenge

I am going...
I am going to have a busy week of shuttling kids to school. Harley starts Basketball practice this week and they have 6 a.m. practices 3 times this week and 2 times next week. Then after Thanksgiving they will all be after school. But, then Darian will have two times a week he has weight-lifting at 7 a.m. They ride the bus but it doesn't get them there this early. So taxi driving begins.


I am wondering...
I am wondering how grouchy my young boy parent will be when he gets up this morning. His "baby" kept him up the past three nights and his humor is wearing thin. 

I am reading...
Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen. Darian has been wanting me to read this book since he read it a couple of years ago. So far it is interesting.

I am hoping....
We don't have anymore snow and ice for awhile. We got a little over an inch of snow over-night on Saturday and the roads were a bit slick this morning on my drive to take Harley to basketball practice.

I am looking forward to...
I am looking forward to my jury duty service to end after November. So far I haven't had to report but this being on stand-by is stressful.

I am learning...
I learning Psalms 27:2. I have joined with a Bible Memory group and during November we are memorizing Psalms 27:1-14. It will be good for my brain. And my typing skills are getting a work-out. Have you ever tried Scripture-Typer? It is an interesting way to memorize verses. 

Around the house...
Oh me! Oh my! I must pay attention to some things.

I am pondering...
I just finished reading Keeping Faith so I am pondering writing a review for you.

A favorite quote for today...
I think I did a lot, but I wish we'd done more.

One of my favorite things...
One of my favorite things is reading the same books as my son and grandson and then we talk about them. Justin used to read the same books as I was reading when he was in grade school. His teachers were quite impressed!


A few plans for the rest of this week...
The kids are starting winter sports practices so the days will be long. Early mornings and they won't get home until after 6:30 each day. I should be able to get things done at home. Ha! Ha!

A peek into my day:

 From glasses to contact. He is doing very well with putting them in and wearing them all day. 

I am linking up with Peggy at The Simple Woman's Blog. Care to join us?

Something That Makes Me Smile

I have shared this before. And it still makes me smile every time I watch it. Through glistening, tear-filled eyes. I am so grateful to have this little snippet of his voice. Even if he was really 'high' on Morphine when we taped this. It is precious to me. I wish that I had done more video and audio. What was I thinking? Enjoy

.

Something That Makes Me Laugh

Today's post is being grateful for something that makes me laugh. Well, first of all, the past 24 hours in this house have had numerous laughable moments with Darian and a 'fake' baby that is crying, needs fed, burped, changed, and caused him many moments of frustration. He came out of his room this morning, looking tired and hung over, and pronounced "I'm getting a vasectomy!" I'm telling you it is more than just a little funny to watch a bit of a struggle with the parenting.

But what I really like to find, anytime I need a good belly laugh, is a good re-run of The Big Bang Theory. One of the funniest shows on TV, in my opinion. And it will make me laugh every single time. The above episode is one of the funniest. But almost all of them will bring a good laugh at our house. Not all of them are child appropriate but ALL of them are funny!

MUSIC

I love music. When I was a very small girl I wanted to grow up to be a singer. But my mom wasn't very supportive of this idea. Because frankly, I can't sing all that well. But, it doesn't stop me. I sing along. Every single chance that I get. I love all kinds of music. I only have one rule. And that is: it has to have words. I am not big fan of instrumentals. My first love is country. Not today's country. But classic country. I love George Jones, Johnny Cash, Merl Haggard, Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn. But I also like some rock. My favorite being Bret Michaels. Not all of his but some of them are good. And I'm crazy about Adele, Alicia Keys, Ed

Sheeran, Gloria Estefan, and Barbara Streisand. I Love Christian music. The kinds that we sing in church. I love hearing the stories. Listening to the lyrics. Finding out what they are trying to tell me. I am grateful for the music in my life. Now and forever.

A New Baby at our House

Darian is taking a parenting class in school. This weekend he got to bring home his new baby girl. We are now a biracial family. She is so sweet....until she cries. And then he has to figure out if she is hungry, needs burped, is cold, or her diaper needs changed. The neck is made in such a way that it records if he is not supporting it correctly. The bracelet that he wears on his wrist records how he is caring for her. He got pretty frustrated around 4:00 p.m. when she wouldn't stop crying. I wonder how it will be at 4 a.m.??? I think this class should be mandatory for every high school student. There are only 2 boys taking it this year. It will be invaluable experience for him. I think Harley has the class next semester. Wish us luck for the weekend!

I Can't Be Still

 On Friday's I join with Kate Motaung and others for a writing exercise. She provides the prompt and we write for five minutes. We try not to over-think the prompt. Just write from our hearts. We don't edit (I do, a bit I will admit. It is my need to be perfect). The only rule is to visit the person before us and offer them a word or two of encouragement. I try to visit them all. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. So here we go!

Go: 

STILL 

The hardest thing I know is to be still. It takes more courage than I have. I turn on the TV to drown out the silence. I don't want to hear the wind blowing. I don't want to hear the birds singing. I don't want to hear my heart thumping. I don't want to be still. I move about. I stand at the front window and watch the trees move. The cars drive down the street. The mailman moving his truck slowly from mailbox to mailbox. I move to the back window and watch the birds light on the feeders; only to find them empty and fly away. The squirrels scampering about the yard looking for those final bits of food to store away for the coming months. The leaves scattering across the yards and catching in the corner next to the fences and the tall dry, sheaves of pampas grass. I can't hear anything because I won't be still. I turn on the music and I play it loud. I don't have the courage to be quiet. I don't want to hear what my heart has to say. I can't continue to cry. I am so lonely. I don't want to be still. I don't want to examine my heart and the things that are so painful. I watch the clock as the minutes slowly move and the second hand goes around. Another hour comes....and goes. The sun is starting to linger in the evening sky. I refuse to be still. I know the Bible says: Be still and know that I am God....but right now I can't be still.

Stop

COLORS

Color is not something I pay particular attention to. I don't really have a favorite color. I tend to lean more towards the muted colors than the bright, saturated colors. I'm kind of a brown, beige type of girl. I have used color in my house however. My living room is green and muted shades of purple. My bedroom is done in blues. Harley's bedroom has varying shades of green and Darian's will be in shades of grey. I love the colors of the ocean and the beach...blues, turquoise, sea-green. I am thankful that I have good eyes and can see color. I know that I should appreciate it more.

Throwback Thursday

This is a picture of my mom and me. I was probably around 2 years old so I'm guess around 1953! I was a little chub, huh!

SMELLS

I am so thankful that I have a very keen sense of smell. My mom used to say that I could smell something a block away. It serves me well when the smell is pleasant. And not too good when the smell is not. But today I am going to tell you about the smells that I love.

First of all I like anything vanilla. My newest crush of all time in candles is Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar....um to die for. I could have one of these burning 24/7 if they weren't so expensive.

Next, my favorite smell is any kind of baking bread. We used to have a bakery down town that baked bread everyday and I loved to drive around down town with the car windows down just so I could smell that wonderful odor.

I also love anything with oranges and lemons. I like to just hold an orange or a lemon to my nose and smell. But if there is a product with either then I am in love forever. My favorite all time cuticle cream is Burt's Bees Lemon Butter cuticle cream. I put it on my cuticles every night. And I do admit that sometimes I just open the little tin to sniff it. Honestly!
 
Richard always bought me Vanderbilt perfume and lotion. He loved the smell and he said he always knew where to find me when he smelled it. I have only drops left in the last bottle he bought me. I guess I'll have to see if I can find it and buy myself some. It is my signature fragrance. Do you have a signature fragrance.

And last, but not by any means least, is the smell of the men's cologne Obsession. This is what Richard wore. He had a bottle left and after he died I split it into 3 little tiny spray bottles for Harley, Paige, and me. The girls spray theirs onto their pillow at night and remember Papa. I sniff mine occasionally

and when I am really missing him I spray it on the bed before I crawl in. Crazy! Maybe! But it is what we do. And when we run out I haven't a doubt I will buy more.

Smells that remind me of my mother are the perfume Tabu and anything lilac. Oh, how she loved those smells. I remember my uncle and my dad whenever I smell Old Spice or Aqua Velva. The smell of the air when rain is coming always takes me back to my childhood, for some reason. I haven't a clue as to why.

 Do you have favorite smells? Aren't you glad that we are able to smell? I cannot image what it would be like to go through life without my favorite smells.

TEXTURE

I love the sweet texture of my favorite purple blanket to snuggle in when I am cold...I am grateful to have a blanket to keep me warm. This blanket is so soft....I love it!

Things I Learned in My 20's

(I found this post in my drafts and decided that it was still appropriate so I'm posting it today)

TEN THINGS I LEARNED IN MY TWENTIES 

Ah  the twenties! Do you remember them? We were fresh-faced and not long out of high school. This was a time in my life when I learned so much. A lot of good times and bad times. And a whole lot of learning going on.

1. I learned how to cope with loss
Actually, I learned to cope with loss at a very early age since my dad died when I was only 7. But in my twenties I learned about other kinds of losses. I was only a young lady of 24 when I lost my baby girl. That is a tough loss to go through. You can read it about it here if you don't know the story. Then a short two years later when I coped with the loss of a husband. Even though we both wanted the divorce it isn't an easy thing to give up on marriage. And becoming a single mom with 2 young sons is never pleasant. But we survived those years. We even prospered. Because Richard came into our lives when I was a mere 28 year old.

2. I learned that love is ever changing
I fell in love and married my first husband when I was only in my teens. First of all that is just crazy. No teenager is ready to commit to a life-long love. That was the first lesson of my twenties that was a hard lesson to learn. I learned that love is a journey. There will be ups and downs. It's not about 'drop-dead' gorgeous men. It is about a man who will make me happy. Make me laugh. And stick by my side even when I am not the best person to be around. It's not a Disney princess story. It's compromise and shared dreams. And it is a lot of work. That is what I learned about love.

3.I learned to live on my own
I never lived on my own until I was in my 20's. I lived at home with mom when I graduated high school. I lived at home with my mom after I got married. My first husband was a Navy man and he was rarely home. So even though we were married I was still living in my mom's home. And then along came a baby. I still lived at home with my mom. That didn't work out for very long so I moved into my own apartment. About a block from mom. But it wasn't until then that I had to learn how to take care of myself. And a baby. And a home. Then after the divorce I had to learn how to work, take care of two little ones and a home. All of that making me into a stronger woman. I think!


4. I learned that first career choices may not be last career choices.
During high school all of my focus was on business and secretarial skills. That was my life long dream. To work in a business office. After high school I attended a year of a business college. I could type at 60 words a minute. I could take shorthand at 120 words a minute. I knew how to balance a set of books. And I also found out that I hated being a secretary. Who knew? After my divorce, when I needed a better paying job, I went to nursing school. I didn't want to be a nurse. I wanted to make more money. But along the way I found that I loved taking care of people. This is when I really found my career.


5. I learned that friends will come and friends will go
When you are going to high school and hanging out with the girls you are positive these will be your 'buds' for a lifetime. Not necessarily true. You will grow and change and so will your friends. I found that those I was so close to in my 20's are no longer around today. We changed. Our common interests changed. I made new friends. Friends became less important when I had kids to raise. And then I met my best friend. And he was my best friend until he died this past summer. He was also my husband. Those are the best kinds of friends. 

6. I learned that it is NOT true that being in love means 'never having to say you are sorry.'
I was a mere 19 year old girl the year that LOVE STORY came out. A very popular movie starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw. A very dramatic story about two young people who fall in love and then find that one is dying. The big line from the movie is 'love means you never have to say you are sorry,' I found out in my twenties that is bull. You need to say you are sorry when you are sorry. And say it often. And mean it! That was just a fictitious story. If you really love someone you will say you are sorry many, many times. 

7.I learned there is nothing better than a good pair of blue jeans.
I was in my twenties when I discovered blue jeans. We had dress codes while I was in high

school. Girls wore dresses or skirts. I didn't own a pair of blue jeans until I was well into my twenties. Can you imagine? It is hard to find a good pair of jeans though. Do you have a favorite brand?

8. I learned to trust my instincts.
If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is? If I hadn't trusted my instincts and gone out with Richard I would have missed the best years of my life. I would have missed out on having the best husband a girl could ever dream of having. Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts.

9. I learned that having kids will change your goals and your perspectives in life.
How true this is. When you have kids you are no longer just responsible for yourself but for them as well. You can't go wherever you want to anymore. You can't stay out as late as you want. You need to have a home for them to sleep in. A yard for them to play in. Food for them to eat. You might skip meals but they really need to eat three times a day. They need clean clothes. And it is your responsibility to clean them. They have to go to school and that involves a whole realm of other responsibilities. Babies are the cutest things ever. But they are a LOT of work and a LOT of responsibility. And it doesn't go away once they grow up. It stays with you for a lifetime. 

10. I learned that you really should start saving for retirement in your twenties 
Amen to this! I can't stress this enough. It sounds like a long ways off when you are only 20 something but it is here before you know it. And in this day and age there is never enough money. I wish I had heeded my own advice and started saving for retirement in my twenties.

How about you....what did you learn in your 20's? Share with us.