Monday, October 20, 2014


This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

 Dearest Richard:

Today is October 21. Three months since you died. I cannot believe it has been only three months. It seems like it was just yesterday. Yesterday when you last squeezed my fingers. Yesterday when I last saw that tiny smile and those twinkling eyes. Will it ever get any easier? I feel so empty. I miss you so much. There is a pain in my chest that won't go away. It is the pain of a broken heart. I wonder if that pain will end. I wonder if the crack in my heart will mend. Will I always feel this way?

Three months. At times it feels like 3 years. Or 30 years. Or even 300 years. I struggle to hear your voice. I strain to see your face. I know that you are right here near me and I hold you close. In my heart. I touch the things that you touched. And remember. I don't want to move on. I just want to stand here in this very spot where you last were. I need a second. Or a minute. Another hour with you would be so nice. I want to hear you laugh. See you smile. Hear you call my name. Know that you will always be right there. I just need to see you, hear you, feel you for a second.

You can see how confused I am about time. It only seems a second, yet it seems so long ago. 

Love forever, 



  1. (((Paula))). These letters are all so touching and so clearly display the wonderful love you have for Richard and the love he had for you.


    1. Thanks Betty. I thought each day would get better....I'm not sure that is the case, right now!

  2. Each day will seem to get better and then SLAM BAM, you get knocked for a loop. It might be a song, a day, a thought, a can be anything but then all of the sudden the pain is back like it is the very first day of grieving. Hang in there Paula, you are doing great.

    1. That is exactly how it has been. Much like the final months of caring for him. A roller coaster ride. Just when I think I am doing so well...when I say to myself "Hey I didn't cry today" a commercial will come on that reminds me of him and I end up crying for an hour. Thanks for hanging with me Wendy!

  3. "It only seems a second, yet it seems so long ago" …. that makes so much sense. I really understand it. I have felt that as well.


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