Now for today's challenge for Five Minute Friday. The prompt is:
READY
I wasn't ready. But it wasn't up to me. The time had come. His days were getting shorter. We were struggling with keeping him comfortable. It was getting harder for him to breathe. His color faded. As white as a sheet, as they say. And was very pale. The oxygen tubing snaked from the tank to his nose and carried with it the very life he needed. His chest rose and fell. But the breathing was shallow. Sometimes I had to get right down close to see if he was still alive. I knew that it would be a matter of hours. Maybe minutes. But I wasn't ready.
I know that it is selfish to want to keep him the way he was. But that is what I wanted. I would even take him back today; just the way he was. So I could sit at his bedside and hold his hand. And tell him I loved him. Just so I could smell his smell. And wait for him to wake up. And watch that small little smile form on his lips when he saw me. Yes, that is crazy. And that is selfish.
But, I wasn't ready.
Your words have reminded me to cherish the loved ones I'm definitely not ready to part with. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYes, you must cherish them. We are never READY to part with them is my guess.
DeleteThis is achingly beautiful! So much love... I can't imagine ever being ready! Bless you, friend! We are neighbors tonight over at Kate's!
ReplyDeleteThank you Karrilee...I am happy to be your neighbor!
DeleteI'll have to think about that October challenge; that could be interesting.
ReplyDeleteI don't think we are ever ready even when we know it is imminent.
betty
Hope you join Betty. I haven't decided yet what I want to do.
DeleteIt is hard to let our loved ones go. We are never really ready. I am also praying about what to do for the 31 day writing challenge. Have a blessed weekend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Barbie....we are never really ready is right on!
DeleteI don't think we are ever really ready to let go of the ones we love. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Popped in from FMF.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting Leah
DeleteI might just join you on the October challenge. If you recall, it is how we met last year so it holds a dear place in my heart.
ReplyDeleteThat convinces me!
DeleteYea!
DeleteAnother beautiful and poignant post. My heart aches for you.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I will try the October challenge. Headed there to check it out now.
I hope you will join Fanci
DeleteYour was a true love story. Not many people get that in life. I know Richard would have wanted you to write about your feelings. Thank you so much for your support in what I am going through. I will email you soon. I just can't seem to keep up with emails or blogs or anything. Nothing is critical with him right now, it is just changes in the way he was and these outbursts that I can't see coming.
ReplyDeleteI know that I am lucky to have had the kind of love that Richard gave me. I have been told this hundreds of time by hundreds of people. I understand what you mean about emails and blogs. But it was the blogs that saved me during my struggles with Richard. Those were the friends that I needed
DeleteEven when we know they are ready, we never are. Your words are poetic in their longing.
ReplyDeleteThe Challenge sounds intriguing and I know I will enjoy your posts. I'll be a cheerleader rather than participant for this one.
And I'll be more than happy to have you as my cheerleader! Thanks Sammy
DeletePaula, you are so amazing. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug for all you are enduring. As always, I love your honesty and raw emotion. I thought of you the minute I saw the prompt.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa. I honestly don't think there is anything at all amazing going on here. Just plain old-fashioned grieving
DeleteI suppose I would feel the same if it were Peggy who had died.
ReplyDeleteProbably so....I doubt that we would ever be ready to let go of the one who means the most to us.
DeleteBeautifully emotional.
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend!
DeleteMy mom passed away in 2009 after a four year battle with Alzheimer's. My dad was her caregiver the whole time. We were there at the end and I saw how hard it was on him after 53 years of marriage. You have my prayers and my tears. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard. There are moments that I wonder why this is what God had planned for me....
DeletePaula, I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain of losing someone so close to you. Love and hugs to you today.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel...it is very difficult Much harder than I ever expected
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