Thursday, September 11, 2014

I wasn't Ready

Tonight I went over to Kate's blog to see what word was going to challenge me this week for my Five Minute Friday writing challenge. When I arrived what I found was Kate talking about the 31 Day Challenge that is hosted every October by The Nester. (You can click here if you are interested in checking out The Nester's 31 Day Challenge from last year.)She hasn't yet posted the details for this year. I wrote for this challenge last year. My topic was Practicing Patience. If you are interested in reading all my posts you can go here. Now Kate is offering a twist to the challenge. It is going to be like a challenge within a challenge. She wants us to write a post everyday in October in just five minutes. And she has a list of prompts that we can follow.It's like having 31 Five Minute Friday writing challenge. I think I can do that! What about you?



Now for today's challenge for Five Minute Friday. The prompt is:
READY

I wasn't ready. But it wasn't up to me. The time had come. His days were getting shorter. We were struggling with keeping him comfortable. It was getting harder for him to breathe. His color faded.  As white as a sheet, as they say.  And was very pale. The oxygen tubing snaked from the tank to his nose and carried with it the very life he needed. His chest rose and fell. But the breathing was shallow. Sometimes I had to get right down close to see if he was still alive. I knew that it would be a matter of hours. Maybe minutes. But I wasn't ready.

I know that it is selfish to want to keep him the way he was. But that is what I wanted. I would even take him back today; just the way he was.  So I could sit at his bedside and hold his hand. And tell him I loved him. Just so I could smell his smell. And wait for him to wake up. And watch that small little smile form on his lips when he saw me. Yes, that is crazy. And that is selfish.

But, I wasn't ready.
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29 comments:

  1. Your words have reminded me to cherish the loved ones I'm definitely not ready to part with. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Yes, you must cherish them. We are never READY to part with them is my guess.

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  2. This is achingly beautiful! So much love... I can't imagine ever being ready! Bless you, friend! We are neighbors tonight over at Kate's!

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    1. Thank you Karrilee...I am happy to be your neighbor!

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  3. I'll have to think about that October challenge; that could be interesting.

    I don't think we are ever ready even when we know it is imminent.

    betty

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    1. Hope you join Betty. I haven't decided yet what I want to do.

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  4. It is hard to let our loved ones go. We are never really ready. I am also praying about what to do for the 31 day writing challenge. Have a blessed weekend.

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    1. Thank you Barbie....we are never really ready is right on!

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  5. I don't think we are ever really ready to let go of the ones we love. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Popped in from FMF.

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  6. I might just join you on the October challenge. If you recall, it is how we met last year so it holds a dear place in my heart.

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  7. Another beautiful and poignant post. My heart aches for you.

    Maybe I will try the October challenge. Headed there to check it out now.

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  8. Your was a true love story. Not many people get that in life. I know Richard would have wanted you to write about your feelings. Thank you so much for your support in what I am going through. I will email you soon. I just can't seem to keep up with emails or blogs or anything. Nothing is critical with him right now, it is just changes in the way he was and these outbursts that I can't see coming.

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    1. I know that I am lucky to have had the kind of love that Richard gave me. I have been told this hundreds of time by hundreds of people. I understand what you mean about emails and blogs. But it was the blogs that saved me during my struggles with Richard. Those were the friends that I needed

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  9. Even when we know they are ready, we never are. Your words are poetic in their longing.

    The Challenge sounds intriguing and I know I will enjoy your posts. I'll be a cheerleader rather than participant for this one.

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    1. And I'll be more than happy to have you as my cheerleader! Thanks Sammy

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  10. Paula, you are so amazing. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug for all you are enduring. As always, I love your honesty and raw emotion. I thought of you the minute I saw the prompt.

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    1. Thank you Lisa. I honestly don't think there is anything at all amazing going on here. Just plain old-fashioned grieving

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  11. I suppose I would feel the same if it were Peggy who had died.

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    1. Probably so....I doubt that we would ever be ready to let go of the one who means the most to us.

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  13. My mom passed away in 2009 after a four year battle with Alzheimer's. My dad was her caregiver the whole time. We were there at the end and I saw how hard it was on him after 53 years of marriage. You have my prayers and my tears. God bless you.

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    1. It is very hard. There are moments that I wonder why this is what God had planned for me....

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  14. Paula, I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain of losing someone so close to you. Love and hugs to you today.

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    1. Thank you Rachel...it is very difficult Much harder than I ever expected

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