I wonder if people are getting tired of my grief. And yet, I don't care. Because when you have loved someone for more than 36 years and you lose them, it takes awhile to get over it. It isn't like losing a mother or a father. I have lost both. So, I know. I was very young when I lost my dad and quite old when I lost my mom. Well, I was 54. Not really old. But quite a bit older. I lost a baby, after a full-term pregnancy to stillbirth. Not the same. Losing the man that I lived with for the past 36 years is very different. And I will write about it until it either doesn't hurt as much anymore. Or I quit writing about it!
The things that are required of a widow following the death of her spouse, lover, best friend and soul-mate is over-whelming to say the least. The fact that I had to leave my house early the very next morning and go to the mortuary to plan his services just about took my breath away. I wonder why mortuaries don't come to people's homes. Wouldn't that make it much easier? And by the way, I have only used that term widow twice. And it hurts each time. Thank God I had Justin to go with me. And lean on. And that, for the most part, I knew exactly what Richard wanted. Because we had talked about it over the past 5-6 years. I suggest you start those conversations with your loved ones, if you haven't. It made that part of this journey so much easier...knowing what Richard wanted.
Then came the phone conversation with Fidelity. They are the financial management team that handled Richard's pension, medical insurance, and life insurance. They were very, very nice. And solemn. And offered condolences. But the fact that I had to spend almost 40 minutes on the phone giving them information that I can't believe they didn't already have. Like his social security number. And his birth date. And mine. For goodness sake you have been sending him retirement checks for 14 years. I know you have all this information. And yet nothing can be done until they have a death certificate. And like anything that happens with a government organization, that takes time. Over two weeks for death certificates. While all my finances are on hold until then.
Today I had to go to the Social Security office. Even though I spent 30 minutes on the phone with them yesterday, giving them all the same information that I am sure they already had listed right there on the computer sitting in front of her. But she was very nice. And offered condolences. And then she told me I would need to bring my marriage license (the original, not a copy) and a voided check to the local office so they could process my claim. But they DON'T need a death certificate because they already knew he was dead. The mortuary let them know. Why can't the mortuary let everyone know??
I get to the Social Security office and the waiting room is packed full. Of elderly people. Of disabled people. Of screaming and crying kids. And a non-smiling security guard told me I had to check in through the touch screen system and then take a seat. I told him I was only there to drop off a couple of papers. That I had already gone through all the claim forms with a lady called Misty yesterday. He said "doesn't matter. You have to check in and wait your turn." I couldn't wait. I was on my way to pick up Darian and Harley from debate camp. So I had to go back. I checked in. We sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And when they called my number I walked up to the window and handled the nice gentleman my marriage license and a voided check. He made a copy and we left. Wow! This system could use someone to streamline things.
Then I get home and have a letter in the mail from the bank. I have to take a death certificate (and these by the way are $15.00 a copy) in tomorrow and have Richard's name removed from the checking account.
|This makes me smile|
And all of this has to be done IMMEDIATELY or you can't go on with your life.
And by the way, I am not interested in going on with my life. I want to grieve. I want to feel sad. I miss him.