I have a hard time understanding why someone would Chose to die. I am in the midst of grieving and mourning the loss of my beloved husband. I am trying to deal with why the sun continues to come up each morning; when the light has gone out of my life. I am trying to find out how I am going to breathe life back into my very existence; when his breathing has stopped for the rest of eternity. I am looking at my future and wondering if I will find a reason to keep on going. What does the future hold for me? What will be my meaning? And can I find it while I feel all this pain? And will I forget him? What he looked like? Smelled like? And yet while I am contemplating all of this, the news has been overtaken with the chosen death of Robin Williams.
My husband would have never, in any of his immense pain, have chosen to die. He wanted to live with me for as long as I lived. I find it so hard to understand how a man can not put his wife and kids first. Many of you know that I grew up in a home without a father. Because my father chose to end his life. (You can read about it here.) So I have walked in the shoes of a child whose father committed suicide. Mental illness is just an excuse. Early stages of Parkinson's disease....give me a break. Think about Muhammad Ali or Michael J. Fox. Think about my Richard.
I find suicide to be one of the most selfish acts a person can commit. It is senseless and selfish. The only pain that ends is the pain of the person that dies. The pain that death creates will go one forever and forever. It never ends. There is never an answer. And families will suffer until their own death. It is just selfish and thoughtless.
I read a comment made by Robin's daughter, Zelda, " While I'll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there's minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions." I cannot understand it either, Zelda. And I never will.
And Robin Williams had so much to be thankful for. He was a great comedian. He was a great actor. He was the father of 3 young adults whose lives have been forever changed because their father CHOSE death. He had money. Money that could have bought him the best mental health care in the world. Something many others, who chose to live, cannot afford. Instead he wasted his money on drugs, alcohol, and self-pity. And it pisses me off. I am tired of hearing stories of celebrities, like Robin Williams and Whitney Houston and others, be glorified after their CHOSEN deaths.
You might be right if you say, "But you don't understand mental illness." Maybe. But I DO understand suicide. I understand it in the way that others might not. People need to take responsibility for all of their actions. Take responsibility for what they do for and to their loved ones. Think about your son feeling that "the world will always be a bit grey-er," or your daughter having altered pictures of her father, supposedly taken after his suicide, posted on her Twitter account. These are things that I read that happened in the days following Robin Williams death. Of course he didn't expect that to happen. But it happened. And because he was selfish he caused his family more pain. What we all need to remember is he CHOSE death. I chose life!
This hasn't been written to offend anyone. We all should feel free to think and say what we wish. But in my grief of losing a man who meant the world to me ,through a natural death, I cannot imagine mourning his death if he had caused it.