Fill is a strange word, isn't it? Especially now that I feel so empty. I am not ready to fill my days with anything but my grief. I can't even begin to think of how I will fill the time that I used to spend taking care of Richard. And sometimes being so resentful. And sometimes wishing I didn't have to take care of him. And yet he filled my heart with so much love. Anyone who knew us as a couple knew that he loved me so much. And I hope that they also knew that I loved him. As I type these words my eyes fill with tears. They will soon start to run down my face and then I will begin to sob. I know this because it happens everyday. The pain fills me to the top. There is no room for anything else right now. Just pain. I hide it when the kids are home. I try to carry on and show them that we will beokay. I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to see their grandma as weak. I need to fill them with love. I need to fill them with care. I need to show them that even though our lives have forever changed that we will be okay. So everyday I pray for God to fill my heart with peace. I just want to find some peace from this overwhelming grief that I feel. Fill me up!