I almost missed it. Five Minute Friday. We get five minutes to write on a prompt provided by Lisa Jo Baker. This week the prompt is:
I need to let go. Touch it with my fingertips. Feel it with my heart. Tuck it away in the deep recesses of my mind. But release it and move on. What is it that I am talking about. I don't know. I don't think it is an IT. I think it is a HIM. He lies so quietly. I carefully watch his chest to see if it is moving, ever so slightly, up and down. I hearing the steady hum of the oxygen tank in the background. It isn't easy to say that it is okay. To release him and let him go. He says that he isn't ready. But I wonder...is it because he knows that I am not ready? Do I need to tell him it is okay. I tried. I can't. The words won't come.
I can let go of the fact that he can no longer walk. I can release the fact that I can barely understand him any longer. What am I holding onto? His very essence. Or is that essence already gone. Have the qualities that I so loved already slipped away. I loved his strength..and now he is weak. I love his courage..and now he is afraid. I loved his charm..and now it isn't there. I loved his humor...and now it is far between times when he can say or do something funny. I'll release all that longing and keep what I have left. What else can I do?