While providing care to my husband, Richard, I often find that I am not calm. I am not patient. I am snippy and impatient and then I am unhappy and guilty. I also have two teenage grandchildren, who reside with us, and they rarely ever seen granny being calm. I have to figure out how I can make myself do this before I make myself crazy. It seems like every time I turn a corner there is a new obstacle in my way. I know that it is called LIFE to most people, but to me it just seems like there is nothing that is fair, fun, or calm. My week started out with a major plumbing issue (you can read about it here) and it still is not solved. Hopefully the plumber will return tomorrow morning and re-install the toilet that is sitting in the middle of the dressing room, right in front of my bedroom door. I have been thinking about just going in there and sitting on it and doing some thinking about things. Might make for a funny Instagram picture....nope, it's not going to happen.
Today has not been a good day for Richard on top of everything else. His dementia has been particularly bad. He has complained of pain in his right shoulder as well as the on-going pain in his butt (from sitting too much he has developed a couple of little sores) and I have had to give him morphine twice today. A small dose of morphine puts him on a trip. He can barely keep his eyes open. He can't hardly swallow and he can't lift his arms to drink or feed himself. His cough today has been very loose and the Hospice nurse and I made the decision that it is time to thicken his liquids and puree his food. He is going to hate it. He has slept most of the day. I pray he sleeps all night. I am on my way to fill a giant glass to the top with wine, settle on the couch with a book and pray for CALM.
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