One of my blogging friends, and fellow care-givers, hosts a link-up every Wednesday called One Word Wednesday. She gives us a word and we write about it....This weeks word is calm. I will admit that it has taken me all day to get around to writing about it. Because I am NOT calm right now. But I need to learn how to be.
Calm
While providing care to my husband, Richard, I often find that I am not calm. I am not patient. I am snippy and impatient and then I am unhappy and guilty. I also have two teenage grandchildren, who reside with us, and they rarely ever seen granny being calm. I have to figure out how I can make myself do this before I make myself crazy. It seems like every time I turn a corner there is a new obstacle in my way. I know that it is called LIFE to most people, but to me it just seems like there is nothing that is fair, fun, or calm. My week started out with a major plumbing issue (you can read about it here) and it still is not solved. Hopefully the plumber will return tomorrow morning and re-install the toilet that is sitting in the middle of the dressing room, right in front of my bedroom door. I have been thinking about just going in there and sitting on it and doing some thinking about things. Might make for a funny Instagram picture....nope, it's not going to happen.
Today has not been a good day for Richard on top of everything else. His dementia has been particularly bad. He has complained of pain in his right shoulder as well as the on-going pain in his butt (from sitting too much he has developed a couple of little sores) and I have had to give him morphine twice today. A small dose of morphine puts him on a trip. He can barely keep his eyes open. He can't hardly swallow and he can't lift his arms to drink or feed himself. His cough today has been very loose and the Hospice nurse and I made the decision that it is time to thicken his liquids and puree his food. He is going to hate it. He has slept most of the day. I pray he sleeps all night. I am on my way to fill a giant glass to the top with wine, settle on the couch with a book and pray for CALM.
If any of you would like to participate in Lisa's link ups you can find here rules and regulations (there really aren't any) at My Sweet Peanut.
I think it was wise how you chose to end your night, a glass of wine and some quiet time to pray for calm. I think that was probably the best thing you could do considering all that was on your plate.
ReplyDeletebetty
Ah and it was wonderful...
DeleteIt is so hard watching someone you love going through what Richard is right now. I can't imagine dealing with it when it is your husband. It was hard enough watching my Pops go through it. I will continue to pray for you all, Paula. Just breathe......
ReplyDeleteHe is better today Wendy. In fact he is a bit on the ornery side today
DeleteI'm sorry Paula. Yes, this is life, as it is for you right now. I can only imagines how difficult it is and I can sense the pain and fatigue in your words. Keeping you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThanks Fancy. We do appreciate all the prayers
DeleteI still struggle with memories of incidents where I lost my patience when I was caring for my dad and then my mom. It’s tough. That Life thing, boy can it be a brutal opponent. Most people long for happiness. I’ll take moments of mindful peace any day.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I think you are remarkable :).
Yep I hate it when I lose my patience with him. It makes me feel so miserable as I know he does not want to be this way. However one of my goals this year is to forgive myself. So I am working on that
DeleteI am so sorry. They put mom on thickened liquids and pureed food...it's awful. I am sneaking treats to her to keep her spirits up - ice cream, fro-yo, mamma eggs...and I've had to put her back on regular coffee - it is her one true joy. I just don't have the heart to keep it from her. Praying for you and Richard. Sending your hugs and strength.
ReplyDeleteDoes she have problems with swallowing Lisa? Sometimes those people at the hospitals can be over-zealous!
DeletePaula - with everyone and everything you are responsible for on a daily basis, I cannot imagine adding "calm" to your to-do list. Time for yourself - yes. A little couch time - yes. A full glass of wine - yes. But calm? You take the cake! I try to remember deep breathing for a moment. That's as far as I get.
ReplyDeleteYep had a big full glass last night and I am having the rest of the bottle with supper tonight. Deep breathing helps too....
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