Sunday, April 20, 2014

Roller Coaster, Rudeness and Rage

Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!

I have often used the term roller coaster
To describe this journey we are on.
We climb the highest hills so slowly
And then we come racing down.
We take the curves together.
And hold on for dear life. 
And then we rest a moment at the bottom
And I anguish with the strife.
Then he starts to get better
And we start back up the track.
We'll idle there for just a bit.
Before we race around and back.

I've learned that it is okay to be rude.
When you are needing something done.
Especially when others don't get it.
The don't understand what's going on.
But there are other times when I am rude
Just because I'm tired.
That is not an excuse for certain.
I am just telling the truth.
Heck there are even those days when he
Has been rude to me or others.
Those are the times that are hardest
Even though I know he doesn't mean them
Those words sting the most.

Have you ever felt the rage building?
And wondered where it will go.
Or who it is you are so mad at?
I feel that my heart is scalding.
That I am teetering on a ledge.
How easy it would be to just let go.
And fall, and fall, and fall.
But that would set everyone on edge.
So I let the rage build.
The I'll rant and rave.
And then let it go.
I have energy to save.
For another day.
The day when the roller coaster is idling
I feel the rudeness coming
Along with the rage.


  1. I think you need to have an outlet to rant and rave to not let the rage build up too much. I think it is only "natural" to have those feelings you have about them too.


    1. This is my outlet Betty....I don't let the rage build (too much)

  2. The anger is the worst part for me. I spend so much time being angry and resentful...and when I am not feeling angry and resentful, I am feeling guilty for feeling angry and resentful.

    1. Oh how I hear that Wendy! Dealing with all the anger (at who, I don't know) is the hardest part for me

  3. Great post! This reminded me of my favorite Bill Hicks quote, "Don't be afraid ever because this is just a ride."
    Shawn from Laughing at Life 2

    1. A horrible ride for the most part. But unfortunately this one will end and then hopefully I can just get on the merry-go-round! Thanks for visiting

  4. It's good that you have a place to vent your anger. It is understandable as the "end-stage" is like a boiling pot. Take care through this.


    1. That is a good way to put it...a boiling pot

  5. You express yourself and your feelings so well. I wish I could help you. I can't help but I can send you hugs.

  6. I am glad you are writing this to reflect and have others get a glimpse of your feelings going through this. Sad, but you sharing all this must help some for you and awareness of this.
    Katy Did

    Life's Ride In Between

  7. I find it really difficult when people explain the ups and downs of life by comparing it to a roller coaster, essentially saying it's ok to have good and bad, just enjoy the ride - my issue is that I totally can't enjoy rollercoasters at all :) Not the type to enjoy that kind of thrill!
    Having said that, thank you for sharing your personal journey, I really admire your honesty and openness about it all.

    1. Ha! Ha! Never thought of it that way. I hate roller coasters too. But my journey feels like a roller coaster ride with all the ups and downs

  8. Have I ever felt the rage building? Oh yeah ... too often; and its almost frightening in that I feel unable or unwilling to stop it. I'm pretty sure mine stems from feeling powerless or even feeling backed into a corner by circumstance.
    At least by "letting it out", I'm thinking we'll never suffer from stomach ulcers.

    1. That might be true...however I don't think it is a guarantee!

  9. I totally get this...just from the other side. I'm the one who deals with chronic pain and I get frustrated with myself and others. Hang in there.

    1. I am sure that it is as hard on my husband as it is on me as well


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