ESCAPE
How do I escape the burdens of being a caregiver? How do I get away from worrying and caring for two teenage grandchildren who live with us full-time? What do I do to take care of myself?
I am not very good at this. I am a self-admitted, full-time control freak. I know that no one else can take care of Richard as good as I can. And he doesn't want anyone else to take care of him. So for the most part, I am here at his side 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Except for Saturday nights when Justin comes and I go back and sleep in my own bed, instead of on the couch, next to his hospital bed, that is set up in our living room. I go to the grocery store and leave him with one of the kids. I take the other one with me. That puts a stop to all sibling rivalry type problems, if you know what I mean. I take the kids to the places they need to go. On Wednesday evenings, when they go to church, it takes me exactly 14 minutes to drive them to church and race back home where I have left him parked in front of the TV in his recliner. He can't get out of the recliner by himself. If the weather is nice I take him with me.
I dream about getting away by myself. But I don't go. I talk about it. But I don't do it. I am afraid that coming home after being away will just make being here that much harder. I don't think it will rejuvenate me. I think it would depress me.
So what do I do? I spend a lot of time on the computer. Right here, where he can see me. I write on my blog. I read other peoples blog and leave comments and make new friends. (I have found that when something like this happens to you the friends you thought you had aren't really around anymore). I belong to a Facebook group for mothers of addicts. I think I am ready to move on from that group cause I really don't need it anymore. My oldest brother comes by a few times a week and that breaks up our day. We look forward to the visit from the Hospice nurse. She has become our friend.
I read. But not as much as I used to. I just can't get into books anymore. I watch TV. A lot of TV!
And I dream of paradise.
I am glad that you discovered that writing is an escape. I am glad that I found you through your writing. When all of this is over for us, I think that you, Lisa and I should plan a weekend escape so we can give hugs in person.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anything that I would enjoy more Wendy! That would be awesome
DeleteSign me UP!!!! I think we would have the most wonderful time!
DeleteI think the blogging community is a wonderful one with the support it gives people going through various struggles, like you with care giving, others dealing with infertility, death of children, etc. I think only those that have walked in shoes we may be walking in truly get what you might be dealing with and can walk that journey with you. It is sad though that friends within your community might have chosen to step away instead of offering to help out a little here, a little there, so you can have a little bit of freedom in escaping for a bit to perhaps just sit quietly at a park watching others and resting your thoughts, know what I mean?
ReplyDeletebetty
I do understand what you mean. But I also understand that their lives have continued on and mine has pretty much changed. I am happy with my blogging friends
DeleteI am amazed at how much finding new friends through blogging has helped me cope. Even my dearest friends who make a point of staying in touch just can't understand what it is like. And my two local friends who are caregivers also - their hands are FULL, just like ours are. I love that you time out your trips...I have done the same thing. Now that mom is afraid to leave the house, I have to pick the kids up from school and run my daughter to dance and each trip is under 15 minutes! Stay strong - you are always in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa. And you are always in my thoughts as well. We each have our burdens. But there is a silver lining....................somewhere!
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