Caring, Crying and Callousness

Here It is: My A To Z Challenge. An adventure! My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease. We also have two teenage grandchildren who reside with us.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!



It has been a couple of years now.

Since this journey of mine began.
I started out with caring.
It wasn't as physical then.
I still care.
Don't get me wrong. 
But the caring has changed.
There are days that it is routine.
Rote.
I could do it in my sleep.
Caring as a noun.
Or caring as a verb.
Caring is caring!
Or so they say.

But there is also crying.
Mine more so than his.
He's always been a crier.
A sentimental one.
He cries for the American Flag.
Or a good deed that's been done.
I cry for me.
And out of frustration.
For what I have to do.
And what I will soon lose.
I cry because I'm tired.
I cry because I'm blue.
I cry in the shower.
Where no one else will hear.
It's nothing like the crying,
that one does in his beer!
(See I can still be funny)
It comes from deep inside me.
It is crying, really a deep sob.
And then when it is over.
I carry on with the job.

Some would say I have become calloused.
The opposite of caring.
It means being insensitive to others.
And I know that it is true.
There are days I feel smothered.
The ones of which I am not proud.
And there are days I'm not so nice.
And days I get loud. 
But all this caring and crying.
And callousness,
Has helped me learn to cope.
It helps to give me hope. 
To carry on.....