I am almost 63 years old. And I am 'mom' to two teenage kids. How on earth did this happen? I was supposed to be sitting in my recliner enjoying my golden years. I was supposed to be planning another cruise with my happy, healthy husband. This was the plan I had for myself. I wasn't supposed to be doing this parenting thing again. I wanted to be a grandma. I couldn't wait to be a grandma. I wanted to read to them, sing to them, spoil them rotten and send them home. This isn't fair. I hear my mother whispering in my ear..."life isn't fair."
No it isn't fair. But it is what it is. Tonight I went with Harley to enroll in high school. HIGH SCHOOL, I am silently screaming in my head. This cannot be possible. She cannot be going to high school. We walk into a packed auditorium and find our way down the aisle to somewhere near the front. I look around at all the parents. Those parents with their fresh-faced almost freshman kiddos. Those parents who are just getting off work. Those parents who are probably somewhere closer to 40 than to 63. And I cry silently inside, thinking "I cannot do this again."
But of course I will. Darian is going to be a junior. What??? A junior. Oh man, I have just got to quit typing and go lie down. How on earth did these two little tykes get to where they are now. And why can't I just spoil them and send them home. Why can't I proudly show up at the high school and watch their activities and performances like all the other proud granny's? This just isn't fair.
But what would happen to them if they didn't have me? That is a question I can ask myself. And I do ask it. Often! They would have a grandma. But where would they have ended up? The foster system. Adopted by people who would not have wanted me to stay involved. I couldn't have that, could I? So here I am being the grandma/mom. And getting ready to do the high school thing with a girl! For the first time around.
Lord, help me.