I don't know why, in our society, talking about death is still a taboo subject. Death is inevitable. It will happen to everyone of us and everyone we know. We just don't know when it will happen. And that is a good thing. I wouldn't want to know. But for some of us we know when it is getting closer. There are signs. Richard does not talk to me about death. But he tells me that he wants to stay in our home 'all the way to the end.' He tells me that he wants me to take care of him. And he tells me that he does NOT want to go back to the hospital EVER!
I don't know when it will end for him but I do know that I will be at his side. I will hold his hand. I will take care of him until he takes his last breath. We talked about this a long time ago. Long before we knew it was soon going to happen. Long before we started counting our days together. This is what he wants.
We have all of our legal documents in place. We both have powers of attorneys for health care decisions. I am his power of attorney and I know what he wants. I can speak for him when he can no longer speak for himself. And I will! We have the legal document called "Do Not Resuscitate", which means we will not take any heroics to save his life when he stops breathing or his heart stops beating. We have talked about this. Back when we were able to discuss things without being in such an emotional state, as we are in now. When we both had level heads. That is the best time to discuss with your loved one what they want when their time comes. Don't wait until they are dying.
He is resting peacefully now. Lots of coughing through the evening. Bringing up lots of phlegm. Which is a good thing. Antibiotic is on-board and he has received two doses of the new cough syrup (this time with codeine). I helped him sip a cup of hot spiced chai tea which soothed his throat. He has his oxygen on. My alarm is set for 4 a.m. to give another breathing treatment. I've talked to God and that is giving me comfort. We will be okay! I am off to fix myself a cuppa tea with maybe just a small splash of bourbon to soothe my soul. We accept all prayers!!