Running on Empty

Today is day 23 of The Nester's Challenge and I am doing a horrible job at "Practicing Patience." I don't know if I will make it until the end of the month. But if you are interested in reading the remainder of my posts then you can click here.

Back on October 9 when I posted, Beloved Husband, I told you about some of the suggestions that I had found from a caregiver's site about patience. Tonight I learned that we are losing our second Hospice nurse. And we have only been with Hospice for 6 months. The first nurse, Janie, Richard loved. And she was a young girl that I had helped to train  from CNA to CMA and all the way to the RN that she now is. Richard adored her. She was so sweet and honest with him. And spent the extra time that both of us needed. Then she took a position with the same Hospice as the  nurse in charge of the office. As happy as we were for her, we were devastated to lose her. She found us Joe, a nurse with more than 30 years of experience. Richard wasn't as crazy about Joe, but he was okay with him. I found Joe to be very through but I never really found him to have "heart", if you know what I mean. He is an older gentleman who has been a nurse long before guys ever went into nursing. And he was quite honest to say that he went into nursing because it paid very well. I won't condemn him for that. Because that is the same reason that I started out as a nurse. That is, until I found my heart. I don't think Joe ever found his. 

I received word this evening that Joe is retiring at the end of this month. What??? That is really short notice. Janie has found us another nurse. But when I told Richard he said, "I don't want another nurse. I don't want to do Hospice anymore." It's not that he is all that upset that Joe is leaving. It is more that he doesn't like changes and this is just another one that he is being forced to deal with. And I don't know if I have the 

PATIENCE to deal with another new nurse. We don't have Hospice do a lot for us, since I am a nurse myself. But each time there is a different one we have to go through the 'getting to know us, getting to know you' syndrome.

Okay, so I am supposed to stop and take 3 deep breaths. BREATHE....BREATHE...BREATHE. Nope, I don't feel any better. 

Count to 10....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.....nope I am still frustrated.

Remember what I want from this relationship.....It has never been about the nursing care to me. I needed the supplies and the medications and I needed Medicare to pay for these so that I can take care of Richard at home. I have gotten all of this. So maybe I need to look at this in a new light.

What am I going to say about this past 6 months with Hospice when all is said and done? We will always remember Janie with fondness. And we will remember Joe, as well.

Now, I have to think of someone with the patience of a saint and ask myself what would they do......that person would be Kwizgiver from What If This Is As Good As it Gets. I don't really know her personally, but from reading her blog for over 5 years, I think she is a very patient person. She has even told me that she is. What would she say about this situation. I think she would say, "You have to go with the flow. Roll with the punches. Everything will work out."

Look at this through Richard's eyes....maybe this is one I should skip. What he thinks about it tonight is not likely what he will think tomorrow. That is what dementia has done for him. How lucky he is in that. He will be okay with it, if I am okay with it. Right?

Take a break and have some social support......okay I can't take a break right now. Simply not possible. But you guys are my support and I know that you have my back. 

We will get through this too!