It has now been 39 years since my angel baby went to live in Heaven. I think of her often and wonder what she would have been like. I wonder how my life would have been different had she lived. (If you would like to read her story go here.) I would NEVER wish for life to have been any different. Because to wish that she had lived would mean I would NOT have had my wonderful young son. And he has been the biggest blessing in my life. But I would like to have known her for a bit. I would liked to have held her and felt her little arms around my neck. I would have liked to have heard her voice. To have seen her walk. And I would have loved to have dressed her. I pine for all the beautiful little dresses that never hung in our closet. For all the wonderful little pigtails I never got to make. For the tiny little fingernails that were never graced with the palest of pink nail polish But I am not sorry that she is gone. She lives with Jesus and how can I ever wish that away from her. Another birthday baby girl. Rest in peace, my angel.
October 14, 1974
Angel of My Tears
How Do you love a person
Who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live?
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you were ever born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.
I love you, my little baby
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
The Angel of my tears.
Such a beautiful post, both joyous and sad all rolled together. May today be kind to you.ReplyDelete
Christmas Eve Memory
Thank you Sandy. It is sad but I have certainly come to accept it after 39 years. I was wondering if you still did Memory Mondays I have mine prepared and ready to go....Delete
Hugs! This is the month I got pregnant with my angel baby. I agree about being able to hold her and just listen to her cry. But, like you; my life would have turned out different - I wouldn't have Elexis. She is my reward for giving my first baby back to God. Hugs.ReplyDelete
I am glad that we were both rewarded Cristy!Delete
Me too. I am also glad/sad we share that bond. You know how I feel. I can't stand it when people are like "Oh, I know how you feel, I had a miscarriage", um no you don't...a miscarriage may have been easier to deal with.Delete