Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
These are the things that I have let go of in order to care for Richard at home:
- Sleeping in my own bed...he sleeps best in the recliner. So I sleep on the couch.
- Sleep! Lately he hasn't been sleeping, so therefore neither have I
- A routine....we live by his routine
- Being outside in the summertime! I love being outside but he only tolerates small bits of it
- Long showers....quickies, so I can be back out with him
- My clean house....letting it go because taking care of him takes a lot of my time. And I can't leave him alone to do the rooms that are not in his view
- Jumping in the car to go somewhere. Anywhere. It is an ordeal to get ready and go somewhere.
- I have had to let go of CONTROL. Because now he is in control. Even if he doesn't mean to be.
- Watching things I enjoy on TV. We watch what he likes. And with his short term memory loss he doesn't know that he has already seen a show. So we watch it again, and again, and again.
- All of the extras that we used to enjoy. Because I had to quit a full-time job to stay home and take care of him. And that means we lost a full-time income.
But I would trade all of this just to not to be faced with the inevitable meaning of letting go. And that will be the final 'letting go'. That day will come and even if I think I am prepared for it, I won't be. And it will be hard to 'let go'.
The stark reality of "end of life" cannot be understood until you have walked that path yourself along side a loved one.
ReplyDeleteThat is very true. And the letting go is not always easy, is it?
DeleteNever. My own story with mom is just one long goodbye - and still I fight the final chapter.
DeleteHi Paula - I've been reading through the past few days of your blog, trying to catch up a little bit. This month has been crazy busy, so I got behind on reading AND writing. I just wanted to drop you a comment to tell you how much I'm still enjoying your posts. I especially love that picture you posted of your son a couple of days ago. Also, I think I'm going to do the photo challenge to get myself up and running again on my blog. I'm looking forward to your "simple woman'" pictures. I'll also join in on your other challenge when I can, but probably not everyday.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, I sign in here with my wordpress account, which takes you to my old blog. You can find me now at http://bohohippiemom.com
Don't forget to take care of yourself!
Hi there! I must have lost you momentarily. I would be happy to have you join the challenge any day that you can. I hope that I can keep up with two! I now have you on Feedly so I can find you again.
DeleteOk, so I'm new to your blog, and am just reading about your devotion to your husband, and now I must read on to find out a bit more, just know that I think it's beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It is beautiful, and devastating, and hard. But it is what it is!
Delete*hugs* Letting go of that stuff is hard, letting go of someone you love is the hardest. I admire you, because I know it has to be hard. I admire you because you are very real about how hard it is. You have blogged about the guilt and the frustration and those are very real emotions and I am glad you share them. I wish I could just come and sit with you and talk. Know that I am thinking about you and you are always in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI wish you could too Cristy. That would be nice to have you here. You are a sweetheart!
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