In sickness and in health

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you

     What is something that I have learned that was NOT taught to me in school. I didn't learn anything in school about marriage. I have learned it the hard way. I have been married twice. The first marriage was, like most first marriages, stupid. I should never have gotten married. I was 18 years old. What did I know about marriage? Nothing. That is what I knew. I got married because it was just the thing to do. I had dated this dude all through high school. My mom wasn't that crazy about him. My brothers didn't really like him. So that made him perfect marriage material. He was in the Navy and we got married one 10-day leave when he was home. He left. I stayed home. I spent a total of 6 months with him over the next four years and when he got out of the Navy he had a wife and a 2 year old son he had NEVER lived with. This marriage simply did not work out. I had another child. And then things went from bad to worse and we divorced. I do NOT regret this marriage as from this union I have two sons. Two sons that I would not have had if not for the marriage.

     

     When I married the second time I paid more attention to the vows I was saying. My current husband and I lived together for 17 years before we got married. We bought a house together. We bought cars together. We worked and obtained careers (well, I did anyway. He was pretty established in his career). We raised my two sons together. I wanted to be certain when I spoke those vows the next time, that I really meant them.

     What does it mean for better or worse? No one taught me about that at school. If you are in a marriage with another person and things are better, then it is not very hard to be married, is it? But when things are worse it is much harder to stay together. But that is the promise that you made. When things aren't going well you still love each other. When one of you loses a job you stay together. When a child dies and you want to die also you don't draw apart, but you cling to each other. That is for better for for worse. Kind of like saying 'in thick and thin' we are in this together no matter what.

    No one thinks when they repeat the marriage vows there will ever be a time of sickness. Nope, we think about the good times. We think about our healthy young lives. But what happens when one of you get sick. Have you thought this through? I know that I never did. I never thought what would happen if my husband couldn't feed himself. I never thought what would happen if he couldn't get up and go to the bathroom or if he didn't make it in time. I never thought about what would happen if he couldn't walk. Or talk. Or help me make decisions. Or we couldn't travel any longer because he is sick. Who thinks about these kinds of things? And what happens when something happens?

    Well, I will tell you what I have learned. And I didn't learn it at school. I married this man for better or for worse. We have seen both. I married him for richer or for poorer. And believe me we have lived at both ends of this spectrum. We have had the really, really good years. And then the lean years. And now the years of only a social security check with a small pension coming in. That stresses a marriage. But it is the sickness and in health part that one needs to think carefully about. Don't take those vows lightly.  The one thing I DO know for sure is that I love and cherish him and I will stick this out until 'death do up part'.

     What is it that You know for sure, but did NOT learn in school? Please share