We took a Step today....a Missed-Step that is!

Morphine (Photo credit: aScratch)

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On this journey we are taking there is never a dull moment. And today reminds me of the roller coaster ride that I talked about here. Richard is having some problems with back pain. Not really severe, but enough to keep him from resting. So I gave him a very tiny dose of Morphine last night. Just a smidgen  And he slept really good. This morning he wanted to go to the table for breakfast and to read the paper. Lately he has eaten a few bites and read the front page of the paper and wanted to return to his Lazy-Boy in the living room. But NOT today. He is still complaining of back pain. I worry about a compression fracture. Older people get these sometimes. Especially those who have osteoporosis. So he took another smidgen
of liquid Morphine.  Today he sat at the table. He read the entire paper; we got him shaved, his teeth brushed, nail care given. He just enjoyed it. And I thought to myself: "this is like the old Richard" The Richard of a few weeks ago.  The Richard of before Christmas when all this started going down hill. The Richard that I want to return.

So after this extended time of being up, we head back to his chair. And I help him stand. And he lets GO of me...........and fell face first into his Lazy-Boy. And I can't get him up. We sit back onto the floor. And we contemplate what we are going to do. And I stew! And he complains of his knee hurting. And I stew. And he complains of his back hurting. And he starts to look a BIT GREY. That look that I don't like. The one that nurses recognize as the beginning of trouble. The one where they get white around the mouth. I try to sit him up against his chair and he falls over onto the floor. So now he is curled into a fetal position ON THE FLOOR. What am I doing to do? I finally manage to get him up and back into the wheelchair and from there to the recliner. I set up the oxygen that Hospice had delivered. And administered another dose of Morphine. Morphine scares me. I know what the side effects are. But I want him to be comfortable. And he wants to be free of pain. And now we are all happy! And I feel the wheels of this old roller coaster slowing as we head to another turn in the bend...............................