What is something that I miss?
I miss the man that my husband used to be. No, he didn't become a different man because he wanted to. Diseases have changed him. Back in October 2012, I wrote a blog post Titled: You Never Know How Strong You Are (read it here). It describes how I felt about becoming the 'strong' person in the family. And for the most part I don't like it one dang bit. Cause you see I really, really liked being taken care of. And now I take care of him. So that is why I say that I miss the man that my husband used to be.
He used to pay all of our bills. He took care of things and I never had to worry. Of course, I gave him all my money, so that made things much easier. {smile}. I didn't worry about the car tags, the house payment, the taxes or the insurance, income taxes, changing the oil or any of that mundane stuff. He was good to me.
He used to do all the grocery shopping. I cooked. I cleaned. And he shopped. I hate shopping. He liked it. So that is how we did it. Now I have to go....and I HATE it. I know. Strong emotion just for a trip to the store. But every time I have to go I remember why I hate it.
I miss how he used to take care of my car. He put gas in it and had the oil changed. He got it washed for me once every two weeks. We used to laugh that when it needed gas I parked at front instead of in the garage.
He used to love everything that I cooked. Now, he doesn't like anything. He hardly eats. And when he does eat, he is often sick afterwards. I miss him loving my meals.
He used to talk to me about all kinds of things. I especially loved talking to him on the phone. He had such a deep, sexy voice. And he always listened to what I had to say. Now he sleeps almost all day.
Whenever we were going to go on a trip, he did all the planning. He researched and made the reservations. He mapped the routes. He planned the stops. Now we don't travel. A trip across town wears him out.
And going somewhere now isn't all that easy. I am direction-challenged. I used to be able to ask him for directions and he could tell me how to get anywhere I was going. He knows north from south and east from west. And I just don't GET IT. Now, I look on Google before we go anywhere. Cause he can't remember any longer.
We used to love to dance. We danced a lot. At clubs and lodges. And around our own house. Now he can't stand without his walker. And that just gets in the way! {smile}
He used to pay all of our bills. He took care of things and I never had to worry. Of course, I gave him all my money, so that made things much easier. {smile}. I didn't worry about the car tags, the house payment, the taxes or the insurance, income taxes, changing the oil or any of that mundane stuff. He was good to me.
He used to do all the grocery shopping. I cooked. I cleaned. And he shopped. I hate shopping. He liked it. So that is how we did it. Now I have to go....and I HATE it. I know. Strong emotion just for a trip to the store. But every time I have to go I remember why I hate it.
I miss how he used to take care of my car. He put gas in it and had the oil changed. He got it washed for me once every two weeks. We used to laugh that when it needed gas I parked at front instead of in the garage.
He used to love everything that I cooked. Now, he doesn't like anything. He hardly eats. And when he does eat, he is often sick afterwards. I miss him loving my meals.
He used to talk to me about all kinds of things. I especially loved talking to him on the phone. He had such a deep, sexy voice. And he always listened to what I had to say. Now he sleeps almost all day.
Whenever we were going to go on a trip, he did all the planning. He researched and made the reservations. He mapped the routes. He planned the stops. Now we don't travel. A trip across town wears him out.
And going somewhere now isn't all that easy. I am direction-challenged. I used to be able to ask him for directions and he could tell me how to get anywhere I was going. He knows north from south and east from west. And I just don't GET IT. Now, I look on Google before we go anywhere. Cause he can't remember any longer.
We used to love to dance. We danced a lot. At clubs and lodges. And around our own house. Now he can't stand without his walker. And that just gets in the way! {smile}
I miss my husband! But he is still here. I miss the man he used to be!
What are you missing?
Follow along with the Blogging Challenge here
What are you missing?
Follow along with the Blogging Challenge here
What a beautiful and heartbreaking post.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is just part of life unfortunately
DeleteAwww... I totally understand. Not because I am in that situation, but my husband does a lot of the same things. We found out last year he has a genetic disease that could bring who knows what...and that is nervewracking. We are trying to enjoy ourselves and just hope for the best..
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way!
I am sending some right back to you. And if you need to learn how to take care of things around the house; do it now. While he can help! Just my advice to you.
DeleteYou are a very strong woman. I can only imagine how hard it is to go from the provided for to the provider. It made me sit back and think. I have always thought of as a strong independent person. I now realize that my husband does so much for me. Thank you for helping me put that into perspective. I am glad that you still have your husband, but I am sad that he is not the same because of diseases. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Christy. I, too, thought I was such a strong independent woman. Until this tragedy struck our family. But I am learning to become strong.
DeleteMy eyes welled up with tears reading this because I've felt that "weight of the world" burden of complete responsibility before. I think our lives are a lot like seasons, and that right now, you're just going through one in which you're called to be a help-mate to your husband. I imagine your husband is having a difficult time adjusting too, as it's not always easy to rely on someone else for our needs. Please know that you both are on my heart and in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. And yes, it is just as hard on him as it is on me. He would MUCH rather be the strong one.
DeletePaula, I never cease to marvel at the depth of love you have for your husband. This post brought tears--you are both in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteTHanks Lisa! Yep, he is the love of my life. I have seen that in your comments that you make about your husband. He is your best friend and the love of your life. Am I right?
DeleteWow ... WOW.... WOW WOW WOW.... I totally "get" this. I can't imagine this kind of life.
ReplyDeleteI DO have to shop (but I STILL hate it).
He does handle all the financial stuff because he enjoys it. I hate it.
Sigh... I miss you having the man you used to have too....
:(
I think you never realize how strong you really are -- until you HAVE to be.
God bless you girl!
Thank you April
DeleteThis was such a lovely post, Paula. I couldn't help but think as I read it that the care he gave you through the years gave you the strength to care for him now. Keep those memories close.
ReplyDeleteI just love your blog.
I will and thank you for letting me look at it another way. That is probably how I have gotten my strength. From him
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