Friday, November 25, 2016

My Thanksgiving Surrender

I used to participate in this writing challenge each week. I have missed it and have decided that I am going to start again.  Care to join me?


You can find the prompt at Heading Home. 


Here’s how it works:

Every Thursday, a one-word prompt will be announced here on Kate's blog at 10pm EST.
The link-up is open for a full week, until the following Thursday evening.

To participate in Five Minute Friday, all you have to do is write for five minutes on the word of the week, post your words on your own blog, and link up the post on Kate's blog (via the InLinkz button at the bottom of the post). Be sure to add the actual permalink to your specific post, and not your blog’s homepage (e.g. http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/ and not just katemotaung.com).

Just write.


Also, the most important rule is that you visit the blog of the person who linked up before you and leave some encouragement.  That’s the most fun of all, and the heart of this community



The word this week is surrender.

Go

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Another holiday without the love of my life. This makes 3 now we have celebrated without him. We had a lovely dinner with just the four of us. I cooked like it was still 30 of us eating. And it was nice. But the feelings were being stuffed down. I was resisting the urge to feel it. 

Holidays were such a big thing to Richard. He loved having the family here. He loved it when the crowds were big. When my brothers were sitting around reliving the past (telling lies is what I used to say). He loved hearing my sister tell the same stories over again about her life in the school houses where she worked. He loved the kids! He loved carving the turkey and making the cranberry salad. There wasn't anything about Thanksgiving he didn't love. And now he is gone.

We enjoyed dinner. I carved the turkey. I didn't make the cranberry salad. Don't tell, but most of us didn't love it anyway. On a side note, I was deep cleaning the kitchen this week and found the old meat grinder Richard used, to grind the fresh cranberries, for his salad. I thought it was gone. I held it close to my chest and remembered the site of the juice running down the cabinet onto the newspaper he spread onto the floor. I probably will never use it again but I can't yet give it up.

After the meal and some family time together the house became quiet. Justin went home. The kids retired to their rooms and their Netflix. I poured the last of the wine into my glass and turned all the lights in the house off. I sat in his recliner. And I surrendered to those feelings. I miss him so much. But the sun will come up in the morning. And life for us will go on. We will hold on to the memories he left us with. He will never be forgotten. But for a short time, I surrendered!

Stop















28 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Since marriage, our "tradition" has not been so traditional, so no memories were upsetting me this year. However, my family raised their glasses, one of the teenagers (presumably) took a picture, and they shared it to me. It was touching, and so we returned the favor.

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    1. I can see how not having traditions would help to void some of the memories. You are building your own traditions right now!

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  2. Beautifully remembered and tenderly written. I remembered my mom this holiday too. I really believe their essence isn't gone if someone remembers them.

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  3. Paula, I am thankful for you for the years you had with Richard to create so many loving memories. My best friend lost her husband very unexpectedly this past spring (leaving her and three boys ages 16-23) and she is going through her year of "firsts". She has found her way into "the club" (of widows) -- which none of you wanted to be in, but all of you have been so gracious to her if for no more reason than the numbers you represent comfort her in that she is not alone. Thanks for writing and thanks for being a part of the FMF group. (your neighbor)

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    1. I'm thankful for all the years too! We will always remember him! Thanks for visiting!

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  4. Very nice post. Yesterday I surrendered to fatigue. I took a shower. That was it for the day. I slept another 9 1/2 hours last night and again feel human. I think my age is catching up with me.

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    1. Surrendering to fatigue happens here too! Unfortunately what I learned about aging people from my years at the nursing home is they require less sleep, not more!

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    2. Interesting. I know that I sleep much more than many friends my age. Never less than seven hours a night and I never get up in the middle of my sleep to go to the bathroom. To tell the truth, I think I can outsleep a teenager. I even take naps during the day, lol.

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    3. Well, not everyone fits into the molds we have for them, do they?? LOL! I sleep a lot too and I am 65! I'm wondering, though, if I might be having a bit of depression and that is why I sleep more. Or am I really just that lazy!!

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  5. This is beautiful and poignant. It is important to have those moments to surrender to our feelings and let them out. Visiting from FMF#13.

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  6. What a splendid, poignant post, Paula!
    As you illustrated your words, I could just envision those squished cranberries leaking down on the newsprint ... and no-one minding. :)

    I've not had occasion to experience that sort of camaraderie in a long time, but this allowed me to remember, and smile.

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    1. Thank you Myra. You always know just what to say!! Hope your day was a good one!

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  7. It was good you did what you had to do to celebrate the day and make it festive for those around the table, then at the end of it all surrender to your feelings and enjoy a few minutes of truly remembering what you had with Richard and allowing yourself to surrender to your feelings of wishing Richard was still there.

    Betty

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    1. I try not to upset the kids with my tears. We can remember him most of the time without my melancholy.

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  8. How wonderful that you have some wonderful memories to surrender to:)

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    1. I am thankful for the memories. I doubt I will ever stop missing him!

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  9. I'm thankful for those wonderful memories that keep those loved ones close to my heart. Gone, but still they remain and we never forget.

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    1. You are so right! We will never forget!

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  10. Now you've done it.....I am sitting here, a blubbering idiot. Hugs to you this holiday season Paula. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  11. Did it feel like he was there with you for the holiday? In spirit? I don't know if it's comforting to think about him with you or not.

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    1. No, it did not feel like he was here. It felt like a big empty hole. One day I hope that I will fee his presence!!

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  12. Paula, this is lovely - heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. Thank you for sharing your soul here.

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  13. Lovely post Paula. I'm glad you had a good day and no shame in surrendering from time to time. Shows you still care x

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    1. Thank you Wendy! That means a lot to me!

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