Thursday, November 3, 2016

Beware: A Personal Opinion is Being Voiced!

I'm wondering if parenting has changed. Or when did it change? I was recently reading one of my favorite bloggers. She is a teacher and she likes to blog about her experiences in the classroom. I am amazed with every post I read. The behavior of kids in the classroom is so different from when I went to school back in the 1950's. And throughout the 1960's. 

I do not remember very many instances where a kid disrupted the classroom. The few times it did happen, the kid was removed from the room. Immediately!! He wasn't given a warning. He wasn't given another chance. Out the door he went. Usually to the principal's office. And there he was dealt with. And with ALL infarctions a note was sent home to mom and dad. And in most instances (or the ones I know of) dealing with mom and dad was much worse than dealing with the principal. 


a replica of the paddle hanging in the principal office. 


In the office of my elementary school, hanging on the wall, was a paddle. I never saw that paddle used. I heard about it! We all heard about it. And that was enough for most of us. I don't think a parent would have ever thought of complaining about it. There would never have been a lawyer involved. Or a suit filed against the principal. My, how the times have changed.

While reading that favorite blog recently, this teacher was describing how a student loudly claimed that his aide (a person assigned to sit right next to him to keep him on task) had hit him. The teacher was sure that did not happen. Yet, the child disrupted the class proclaiming that it did. A discussion among the commenter's ensued. I wrote: 

"I think it is the leniency of today's world. These kids have no consequences for anything! They have been raised in the era of 'time outs' Many parents are just ignoring their bad behavior. Things are so different than the days of yesteryear. I know people always say that. But it is true. When I was growing up a problem child, in the classroom, was removed to the principal's office, where he received a paddling. End of story. Most times it only took once. My grandkids talk of disrupted classrooms as the norm. Very sad"



I can tell you that my opinion is not a popular one. I didn't expect it to be. But, one "young" person proceeded to tell me that what I was saying was not true!!  And he/she went on to say that it is "sick" to paddle a child. I doubt that it is "sick" to reinforce negative behavior with a smack on the ass. This commenter also felt these  kids  lived in fear of being paddled. Exactly! That was the point. Kind of why you follow any rule. You fear of the consequences.  But whatever! It wasn't the place to point that out to this young person. Probably hasn't yet had any children of his/her own yet.

I can speak out on my blog, however. I can talk about my experiences. And what my grandchildren tell me about their experiences at school. Lenient behavior seems to be the rule, not the exception. The kids tell me about kids disrupting their classrooms every day of the week. Kids who are sent to the principal's office without any change in behavior. Teachers that have stopped teaching because they have to deal with these disruptive kids. Many parents (not all) have made it their life role to make sure their kids never suffer any type of disappointment. And if they do, then it has to be someone else's fault. Not the fault of their child!!

Last year, here in my hometown, there was an instance of a child who was disrupting the school classroom pretty often. The boy posed a physical threat to the teacher and to others in the classroom. Other parents complained to the school board about the situation. The child was labeled as a "special needs child" who spent part of his day in a regular classroom. (At the mother's insistence).The mother of this child took her story to the local newspaper. The school was not able to respond to the allegations because of confidentiality rules. This child was only 8 years old. But a big kid. The school principal was forced to call the police every time the child began acting out. I know of people who had kids in his classroom. There was very little learning going on here. And due to reasons I cannot even begin to understand, the child could not be removed from the school. Parents who I personally know who had kids in this boy's classroom, moved their children to other schools. It has been my experience that parents who give in to whiny, pouting, temper-tantrum throwing kids, usually have a whiny brat on their hands. 

Kids need to be held accountable for their actions. If they don't learn this while in school will find the work place is even going to be harder for them to adapt to. Parents have to stop making excuses for their kids. People need to stop making excuses. We need to stop with the 'entitlement'. Society has changed so much. Some for the better. Some, not so much. Seeing these kinds of stories all over is sad. Why are we giving in? What can be done? I would love to hear what all of you think.   

26 comments:

  1. Applauding from stage right! That's so sad (that) your point-of-view wasn't upheld by a lot more bloggers.

    I think many parents just want to be their children's friend. Unfortunately, we've a front-row seat. Tom's daughter keeps excusing her kids' behavior, saying, "They're just kids." (Meanwhile, the 'gifted' one calls for the assassination of a certain political candidate on FB, and her brother wants to "bomb the South." Ya, just kids.)

    I never had leanings to become an educator, but you can bet my knee-jerk temper would have certainly short-circuited that career! I'm constantly amazed why today's mostly-underpaid, much maligned teachers elect to stay in their roles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that many parents want their kids to like them!! I wasn't looking for people to agree with my point of view, Myra. Not at the other site. I just found it amazing that someone would have the audacity to comment about what another blogger said! There is no way I could be a teacher either. And I have nothing but respect for those who do teach!!

      Delete
  2. This is a tough one. I have mixed feelings about it. I agree with you that things were seemingly different when we were of school age. I’m sure there were troublemakers.
    There always are. But in general I think we were better behaved, had more respect for our parents, teachers, elders.
    I can’t agree with the paddle, though. I was harshly disciplined that way by my father. When I look back on those times, (I still have a scar over my eye) I know that the punishment he doled out was not justified. Actually, I don’t believe that violence of any kind proves to be a positive teaching method.
    I’m happy to say that my children were and are respectful, as are their children. And they were raised with out the paddle.
    I know you did a fine job, Paula, with your children and grandchildren. I’m sure you are proud of them.
    Personally, I would like to hear more positive stories about the kids today, because I know there are probably plenty of them.
    I enjoy your reading your blog. I read this post carefully and thoughtfully. I gave consideration to the points that we agree on. We don’t always have to agree on every one, right?
    I have to say, everyone has a right to voice their opinion. I greatly respect your’s.
    To tell you the truth, I believe that people feel they can take any tone they want to when commenting because they are anonymous and not face to face.
    Good post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lynda! And yes, I do tend to agree with you. But I think there is a huge difference between beatings and a swat. I g
      'gently' disagree here. A swat didn't hurt me. And I received plenty! Why do you think kids were better behaved and had more respect then from now? I sure don't know why. I agree that anonymity has a lot to do with it. I love positive stories too. And the blogger who is a teacher often shares good stories as well. Even when I sometimes still shake my head!! There are far more good kids out there. But, as you know, it is usually just the bad ones who get the attention.

      Delete
  3. Now days, rules can be broken and the children all know it. The schools need to stop being afraid to dish out the appropriate discipline that has been determined by the district. While I am not quite sure about the use of a paddle, I do believe there is nothing wrong with teachers having a strict standard and that standard is the rule. Teachers don't have a leg to stand on because the districts won't back them up, when it comes to the bad behavior of the children. Always afraid to be sued.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And isn't that sad that schools have to fear lawsuits. The harm is to the children. The future leaders of our world!

      Delete
  4. We've had that discussion at work before and I think I should be able to sign a waiver that my kids can be paddled. Then your "soft" parents can have their undisciplined kids and mine will be behaved. I'm sure there would be complaints, nothing ever pleases everyone, especially now-a-days.

    I agree with most, if not everything that you said. Schools have problems keeping teachers and while I agree, part of that problem is the pay, another big problem is the teachers have no control. They can't discipline or the parents get involved and they get in trouble. When they can't discipline when they are young, how do you think those kids act when they get in high school? Why would any sane adult want to spend that much time in a classroom full of entitled kids who think no rules apply to them?

    Personally, I want my kids to like me but on top of that, I want them to respect me and other adults. I've instilled that in my kids and I get compliments on how well behaved my kids are. Do you know why they are well behaved even when I'm not around? Because they have been raised to know there are consequences to any actions and I have no problem following through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said it well Jeff! I agree with it all. I have no problems with a paddling for my kids. But it won't ever happen. Schools are way too fearful of any kind of discipline.

      Delete
  5. I think that all teacher have a hard time teaching now a days. I blame it on two overworked parents or one single parent...neither of which has time to discipline a child.
    My Mother was great with a lilac switch...I can't say it did any good. Most of it was her frustration at being a parent...as there was no rhyme or reason to the punishment.
    School Boards make the rules and handbooks are handed out, BUT something is lost in translation.
    I am not in favor of ever striking a child or an animal...if the person who loves you most in the world has to strike you to get you to behave...I think that is a problem. Those kinds of emotional scars last forever. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think all overworked parents or single parents don't have time to discipline their children. Some, maybe many, just don't want to. It is true that it takes much more time to discipline than to just let them do what they want. School boards DO make the rules. But in the case of our local school they then didn't stand behind their teachers and principal who were following their rules. Because of the ruckus raised by the mother this kid was allowed to disrupt a lot of other students education. I, respectfully, disagree with you about spankings. I got more than my share. And I do not believe I am left with emotional scars from that.

      Delete
  6. There was no paddling in the Hartford schools when I was growing up, except if we acted out during a fire drill. But there was discipline. My parents would have had no sympathy for me if I was a discipline problem in school. The thought of being called to the principal's office was enough to keep me in line. I was scared of the principal and there was no misbehaving in school. I had younger cousins who were described as "terrors." However, when my mother babysat they were nice kids. I think it was clear that Cousin Sylvia (my mother) wouldn't put up with foolishness. I think people are so busy making sure their kids never have a bump in the road that they forget that structure and standards are a great gift to give a child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I felt the same way. There was no way I would have acted out because I was afraid of having to go to the principal's office. That is the way it was for most of us back then. What I am wondering is why has that changed. A little fear of punishment is not a bad thing, in my opinion. I remember very little bumps in the road from my school years. We just went to school and learned. We passed classes or we were held back. If we flunked a test, we flunked it. Not that way so much anymore. I respect your response Carol!

      Delete
  7. The issue isn't about whether kids should receive consequences for their bad behavior--it was about advocating hitting the child. I don't think that paddling does any good.

    As for classroom discipline, I think part of the issue is the mainstreaming of more children. Once upon a time, any child who was not deemed "normal" was shuttled off to special schools or special classes. Nowadays, they try to keep the kids with the main group as much as possible.

    This is good and bad. It helps some children become more normalized. But there are the other issues at play.

    And, of course, parents play a major role. Every teacher I've talked to about a problem student tells me they met the parents and suddenly the child's behavior made sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DO advocate spanking a kid, if they need it. I respectfully disagree on this subject. I have used it when raising my kids. And I have used it with my grandkids. For the most part it has been okay! I agree with you that mainstreaming seems to be a huge problem. And I am not sure why it is done so much anymore. I am all for giving these kids every opportunity to be in a regular classroom. But when it is so obvious it is not working then someone has to take the stand and move them for the sake of everyone. In the example of the mother at our local school, she was not going to give in. Not even the tinist bit. She wouldn't even admit her child had a problem. It was the teacher's fault and the principal's fault. But not hers and not her child's. If if works out to help "normalize" a child, then it is a good thing. I agree with what teachers say that problem students often have parents who are the problem. I respect your opinion, Liz!
      Enough said!!

      Delete
  8. I think some of the behavior issues in school, and I think I wrote this on Liz's blog, is that some kids are starving for attention and will do anything, even bad behavior, to get attention. They are probably "hoping" for a response from their parents if they misbehave in class and probably don't even get too much of that in some cases. I think some parents have delegated child rearing to technology; give them an iPad or a cell phone to play with instead of interacting with the kids. Good behavior starts at home and then is modeled in the classroom, etc. I think there is a percentage of students that don't get that from home and have found some type of defense mechanism to get the "strokes" they need, albeit negative ones.

    I wouldn't want to be a teacher these days. I truly admire those that are ones and especially substitute teachers. How Liz does it, I do not know!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It could be they are starving for attention. Or, on the other hand, getting too much from their helicopter parent. I think that might be the case with many of the kids. They get so much attention they think they should be the center of everyone's world. Good behavior does start at home. And not just with words but with deeds as well. I admire teachers too. I give many praises to those like Liz. I could not do it!

      Delete
  9. The big problem seems to be that parents really don't know how to be parents anymore. When my children were in school I always supported the teacher and tried to keep the lines of communication open...It does take the teacher, parents and students working together. In the case of inclusion of special needs in the classroom, I'd think that there should be times that something else would have to be done. If my child was in danger, I'd surely be doing something about it. Even if it meant changing schools.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would have changed schools too. It seemed like administration was only intent on pleasing one parent. I think they felt their hands were tied due to the litigious society we live it.

      Delete
  10. They did paddle in my school - high school! from 9th to 12th grade, you could get paddled for various things. My sister had it happen to her a lot - she was a renegade - ha! Me, I only had it happen once - can't remember why. I don't remember it hurting per se - physically. But it did hurt me mentally - something I never forgot. and I'm 66 years old.... This type of thing can work in so many ways - it can help - it can hurt. It can make the child act better - or it can make them act out in other ways. Sort of like - you hit me, now I will hit someone else - or hit my kids when I'm a parent... Altho I have to say - my Mom hit us a lot growing up - with her hands, with the belt - not gently either. But my sister never EVER hit her kids. So it worked the opposite with her. I never had kids - so not sure if I would have smacked them on the butt - more of a swat, or not hit them at all. I just do not think anyone in a school should be hitting a kid for any reason. that is just my thoughts.... right or wrong....

    Linda in VA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can imagine that a paddling might leave a memory on a child. I don't know what the answer is but letting kids get by with the behavior so many of them seem to have isn't the way to handle it either. I respect your views, Linda!

      Delete
    2. I agree Paula - there are some real issues out there! On Halloween night, a big group of 12 year old kids - attack a guy in D.C. - beat him pretty badly and stole his phone. Twelve years old.... scary!

      Linda in VA

      Delete
    3. It is sad! Poor parenting in my opinion. Especially if they are only 12.

      Delete
  11. absolutely true ,it is all the result of poor parenting because the first learning resource for kid is the lap of his mother and if she is not a BEST FRIEND to his child and does not foster in him basic concept of right and wrong it results in the shape of the WEAK personality of child which tend to lead a destructive life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think a mother needs to be a best friend to be a good parent. Just my opinion!

      Delete
  12. I got the paddle in junior high for leaving campus and walking across the street to the store. I chose that over detention because my mom was single mom and we had a routine. I would have missed the bus and got in more trouble if detention.
    I am not scarred for life from being swatted.

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear what you might think. Leave me a comment. I guarantee though that I will delete your comment if you are just here to cause trouble. So tread lightly!