Friday, October 21, 2016

Parked at Five-Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday

You can find the prompt at Heading Home. 


Here’s how it works:

Every Thursday, a one-word prompt will be announced here on Kate's blog at 10pm EST.
The link-up is open for a full week, until the following Thursday evening.

To participate in Five Minute Friday, all you have to do is write for five minutes on the word of the week, post your words on your own blog, and link up the post on Kate's blog (via the InLinkz button at the bottom of the post). Be sure to add the actual permalink to your specific post, and not your blog’s homepage (e.g. http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/ and not just katemotaung.com).

Just write.


Also, the most important rule is that you visit the blog of the person who linked up before you and leave some encouragement.  That’s the most fun of all, and the heart of this community


Our word this week is Park:

Go:

I feel like I am sitting in park right now. I'm really not moving forward. But I'm not going in reverse either. Just parked.

I have spent the past two years mourning the loss of my dear husband. Richard and I had more than 30 years together. 30 years of ups and downs. Of happiness and frustration. Like most marriages. I knew when I married him I would probably not be spending the "rest of MY life" with him.(He was 18 years older).But I made up my mind that it would be until "death do us part". This was not a first marriage for either of us. But it was going to be our last marriage. And believe me when I tell you there were many times I wondered if we would make it. Or if I would be the reason that "death" would part us. (just kidding, just kidding) There is a lot of give and take in marriage. So many do not want to put in the work. We chose to LIVE our vows.

We did both sides of the "for better or for worse", "for richer or poorer" and "in sickness and in health." We knew exactly how hard it was when the going was rough. And we knew exactly how wonderful it was when we were on the "good" side of things. When it was better, richer, and healthier! I wouldn't change a single day of our years together. Except I would still want him to be sitting there in his recliner waiting for his breakfast. I loved caring for him and I hated it! That is just a fact. I wouldn't wish him back into the life he had for his final year on earth. But I would! Does that even make any sense. 

I need to get my life back in drive and move forward. It isn't easy to do. I hate every bit of this process. But it is what life is all about. I haven't a choice. Richard would not want me to spend my life in park. He was a man with a lot of drive and he liked to go. He wasn't a homebody like I am. He liked to travel. He liked to visit people. He liked to find new places for us to see. He even liked grocery shopping. He kept me from being parked all the years we were together. And I feel him nudging me now....to get up and go. I've got to get some gas in the tank and get to driving. Straight down the road of life.

Stop

 

32 comments:

  1. I will be praying for you. (five minute Friday neighbor)

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  2. Oh, but I believe you will!
    Perhaps your body is being its own best caretaker right now. Parked, but that engine's still idling!

    Wonderful post, my friend!

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    1. Ha! Ha! Me with an idling engine. That sounds good!

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  3. I believe that in times of grief, God invites us to "park" ourselves in order to heal and come to terms with a new normal. The fact that you are feeling a nudge to move again means that God is still right there with you as you take on this new, sometimes difficult thing.
    Peace for your journey.
    Patricia (FMF#31)

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    1. I am sure you are right. Thanks for visiting today!

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  4. I think you are doing just fine moving along with your life. These things take time and it hasn't been all that long.

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    1. Thanks Jeanette. Just taking my time!!

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  5. What a great expression of where you are at right now. It is good to park for a while, to digest what has happened to you and get a chance to grieve properly. When you are ready get going ahead. Yes, definitely your husband is nudging you to move on and live your life. Marriage has its challenges. I enjoyed reading about you. I have been married 53 years and caring for a husband with dementia. I appreciate your sharing.

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    1. 53 years! That is awesome. Yes marriage has it's challenges. I know what you are going through. I took care of mine for the last 3 years of his life. He had Parkinson's with Lewy Body Dementia. Very hard. And very sad!! Bless you

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  6. So well written! I like how you lived your vows, that is so often looked these days, isn't it? Get some gas and start driving, short trips and then longer and longer as you continue to get use to this new freeway of life you are on.

    betty

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    1. It wasn't always easy to do Betty. But we made that promise to each other to keep our vows and live them. I know those short trips will be coming

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  7. Replies
    1. Thank You Susan. Long time, no see!

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    2. Thank you for remembering me! I love reading your blog and I promise to drop in more often. I've been a writing slump for months and months but sure am enjoying reading other people's posts. I may borrow some of your post ideas, if you don't mind. :-)

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  8. But you did (do?) need time to process the massive change in your life. It's okay to be parked for a bit. Perhaps you should start small. Just a short jaunt to get the engine running again.

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    1. I have been starting very small. It is a massive change in my life! I'm glad I have parked for awhile.

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  9. You will know when your time in Park is over and you can move forward. Thirty years is a long time but also a short time over a lifetime. At least you are not in reverse:)

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    1. So true FSOF! Would be bad to be in reverse

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  10. It makes all the sense in the world. Start driving very slowly. You will gain speed as you get more comfortable and confident.

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  11. Paula, I am at a loss for words except to say that Richard was a very. very fortunate man.

    You're in my prayers.

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  12. I can understand how you are feeling. I have been in that place and parked in my misery and grief till I got to the point where I had to change, I didn't like being in that place and thanks to my family and a few good friends, got to a happier place in life. Now another big change has come into my life and I am determined I'm going to move on and keep positive. We never forget those we have loved and lost, but life does go on and we get to choose how we want it to be.

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    1. I hope you are not having a hard time with your "new big changes" Change is hard for me. No matter what it is!

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  13. Keeping busy seems to be the answer, doesn't it? So busy that you can't even slip into neutral. I know. After 54 years with Bo, 10 of them after he was diagnosed with alzheimer's, I need to keep going. Often it's just a ride and walk with the dog, but I'm out of the house. Your blog today is so on the mark. Nancy

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    1. Thank you Nancy. I know you are going through the same thing.

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  14. Well written piece Paula and it's good that you can see where you need to be going. You just need to put that car in gear and put your foot down!

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  15. oh Paula what a wonderful piece on your husband! I cant even imagine having or knowing how to drive on but it sounds like you are ready since you are thinking about it. lifting up a prayer for you now. your neighbor

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