Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Two Years is Such A Short Time In A Lifetime!

Taking a break from garden duties
July 21, 2016

It's been two years. That is 730 days. 17,520 hours. Such a long, long time. I have not "gotten over" anything. But I am working through it and processing it in my own way. This is important for every grieving person to do. There isn't a right way or a wrong way to grieve your spouse. And grieving a spouse is different from every other kind of grief I have experienced in my lifetime. I have lost both of my parents. My dad died when I was only 7 years old. My mom left us in 2005. I've lived through the death of a baby daughter in 1974. And the deaths of friends and other relatives. But none of these deaths have been like losing my husband. He was my soul-mate. My best friend. And the love of my life. I miss him everyday. And I think of him constantly!

I still talk about Richard to family and friends. The kids and I share memories of him with each other. But I don't dwell on the feelings that assault my senses almost daily. These are kept private. And I cry alone, then move on. I know that I will never get over the loss. And that is okay! This is my new normal. Life will never be the same but I am okay. I can laugh. I can remember him. And I can have a good day!

His retirement party at Eaton

I feel the second year was harder than the first. Does that make sense? In the first year I was focused on the paperwork, the household chores I needed to learn, the "first" holidays. I didn't really focus on the grieving. So during this second year I grieved. I am still grieving. I will always grieve. But that doesn't mean I have stopped living. 
In front of our "wedding tree"

We haven't yet taken his ashes to be scattered over his favorite place on earth (besides here with me, of course) Lake Isabel, Colorado. We are talking about doing that in February. On our way home from Darian's boot camp graduation. He would have been so proud to know his one and only grandson is becoming a Marine. So we will take him to California with us! And leave him in Colorado. Maybe!?!


On a cruise ship

I feel Richard's presence every single day. He is here with me. He will always be here with me. Thank you, dear readers, for being here, too, during this tough time! I appreciate you all much more than you will ever know.








32 comments:

  1. Any words I want to say just don't seem adequate so simply know that I am thinking of you, Paula and am so sorry for your continued loss. Sending you a big hug across the miles - Pempi

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    1. Thank you Pempi. That helps more than you will ever know! I am blessed to have such good blogging friends.

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  2. Yes I can see why the second year would have been harder than the first. I think you were probably in shock that first year and then overwhelmed with this paperwork and that paperwork. Year two you probably had more time to "think" and therefore miss. He was a wonderful honorable man who left behind a fantastic legacy. He will live on in Darian's and Harley's lives as well as so many others that loved him dearly, as you truly did.

    betty

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    1. So true, Betty! He will live on in our memories. That is our best way to honor him!

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  3. Hi Paula - posted with love ... I'll be thinking of you - all the best - Hilary

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  4. Thinking of you. Sending you a hug. Hope you have a good day.

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  5. You are so lucky to have had that deep a relationship with your spouse. Even in some enduring marriages, that sense of one-ness is not a given. And because of that kind of relationship, this loss has been very intense. More than any other loss in your life and you certainly have had a number of them. I remember when my husband's father died, and his mother (then in her late 70s) expressed the same feelings of total inconsolable loss. The most intense love in her life was her only "child." She had had two marriages, one very successful and that spouse had died years earlier. But the lost of her adult child (age 60) devastated her. I think everyone has one relationship of that kind - one that defies description and when lost is like cutting out your heart. Yours was Richard. How bless you were.

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    1. I was a very lucky woman to have had this man in my life. I guess I did not realize how lucky I was. I can only imagine how the death of an adult child would be. I hope I never have to experience it. Thank you Elaine. Your support means the world to me!

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  6. Hold the ones you loved and lost close in your heart. There they stay with you always.

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  7. Keep looking back as well as forward,

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  8. Losing someone you love is the hardest pain ever. And losing your partner is something beyond words I am sure. I cannot imagine a life without my husband to be honest and that is my biggest fear. I have felt loss and grief in other forms and no amount of time can heal it I guess. The void feels bigger with the passing time. But like you said, we just have to live and be happy that we got to experience something wonderful.

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    1. I think you are right...the void does feel bigger. Thank you for your kinds words!

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  9. I think one reason folks are drawn to "Smidgens" is your gift of expressing emotions. We, in turn, are touched ... and prompted to examine our own lives.

    PS - You look absolutely stunning in that 'cruise' photo!

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    1. Thank you Myra! The picture was a number of years ago. I felt more stunning then! Now I just feel old! Thank you for continuing to be drawn to my blog. Your friendship means the world to me!!

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  10. I think of him every time the clock chimes on the quarter hour and each time I pass by glazed donuts in the grocery store. No Harley I didn't bring them for you, they were Papa's

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    1. You are thinking of him a lot then!! And Harley was not pleased to hear those donuts weren't really for her! I know you know what I am talking about. Hugs, bro!!

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  11. I haven't walked in your shoes so it's hard to find the right words but as you said I'm here to listen and I hope that helps x

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    1. Yes, Wendy! It helps a lot!! Thank you!!

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  12. Crazy busy here, but I didn't want the day to end without stopping by to tell you that you've been in my thoughts as you reach another milestone day. I agree with your assessment of the second year. I felt the same way. I hope your day, however hard or not hard, ends ij peace with all your loving memories of Richard to tuck you in tonight.

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    1. Thank you Gram. We are having a very nice (very hot) day here at my house. I value you so much!! I just want you to know that!!

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  13. Even though I am also grieving, each person's grief is a journey they navigate their way. So I can't say I exactly understand what you're going through. But, the way you express your loss and love is so poignantly beautiful that it does give me a sense of how difficult your loss is. I am sorry for your grief. I am happy that you had such love in your life.

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    1. Lynda, I know that you too are grieving. And I cannot even begin to understand the depth of your grief. So different from mine, I am sure. To lose an adult child seems to be more than I could bear. I am sorry for your grief too. Does it ever get better?? God Bless you!

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  14. There's no need to "get over" it. Of course you're going to continue to miss him. He was a part of your life for a very long time. It's just a new normal. I'll keep you in my good thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Liz. There are many who think it is time to "get over it". I tend to agree with you. I never have to get over it. I know that I never will. He will always be in my thoughts. Thank you for sending me your good thoughts!! You are one of my 'good blogging' friends!

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