Things I have learned this past year:
1. Losing one's spouse is harder than I ever could have imagined it would be.
2. You can never prepare yourself for death.
3. The sun will keep coming up everyday!
4. I am stronger than I ever knew.
5. You never run out of tears.
6. Memories matter.
7. We all grieve differently.
8. I will smile and laugh again.
9. It's okay to do NOTHING but sit in my recliner.
10. No one else is going to see those cobwebs in the corner.
11. It won't matter if I don't go.
12. People will still think what they want.
13. Death heals nothing.
14. Kids grow taller and stand straighter and become stronger, no matter what.
15. I will always love him.
16. WE were very set in our ways. And now it is just MY WAY!
17. Cooking for three isn't much different than cooking for four. I just don't have anything to puree now.
18. We will manage on half the income we had.
19. Not having to listen for someone at night doesn't necessarily mean I will get more sleep.
20. Losing him will always be the hardest thing I have ever done.
21. I will survive.
I have written 21 things on my list in honor of the 21st day of the month in which Richard died. It will soon be one year. I am feeling it come. Does that make any sense to you? I have been having more 'waves of grief' lately and I think it is in anticipation of the BIG anniversary. Nothing will change. On the 22nd all will still be the same. But I will have that first year of 'firsts' behind me.