Thursday, May 21, 2015

Ten Months and The Wings of a Butterfly





 
 
 

Today marks 304 days! 304 nights that I have gone to sleep at night without him. Ten months! I cannot believe it has been 10 months. 43 weeks and 3 days that he has not filled my space. 437, 760 minutes that I have not seen his face. Or heard his voice. He is  simply gone! But not forgotten. Never forgotten.

Sometime ago, I cannot remember when or why, I heard a song by Jimmy Scott. Jimmy Scott was a jazz vocalist. He was big in the early 1950's. Then he faded away. Later he made a come back and even had a spot on Twin Peaks (I never watched that show, but I know many who did). It is eerie to me that he died on June 12, 2014; only days before Richard. I heard this song before Richard died. I never gave it another thought. Until yesterday!

Yesterday I was in the backyard. I was filling the bird feeders and thinking about Richard. He loved to draw the birds to our yard. We have a variety of feeders. I think I have told you about them before. And we put out corn, bread, chips and peanuts for the squirrels and the turkeys. Richard used to sit on the patio, or at the dining room table, for hours watching the birds come and go. And loving the antics of those pesky squirrels. While I was filling the feeders yesterday a  pure white butterfly flew around me. It landed on the trunk of the tree. It landed on the shepherd's hook that holds a feeder. I thought of the song I had heard. Sang by Jimmy Scott. A shudder passed through me. I cried. I smiled through my tears. I stood quietly and watched it fly off towards Heaven! I believe! I am a believer! And that was a sign. Thank you Richard. I have been missing you so much. Thank you!

I hope all of you will take the time to enjoy the song. It is so beautiful. Have you ever received a sign from a departed loved one? Do you think they somehow find a way to communicate with us?

24 comments:

  1. Oh Paula, this song is so beautiful, so very perfect.
    Sobbing in front of my monitor .... and looking for that white butterfly. Someday, perhaps.

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    1. That is how it affected me too Myra. It is a beautiful song!

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  2. Many years ago when I worked in a posh shop in London I met a customer who was looking for a gift decorated with butterflies for her sister. Her sister believed her father had morphed into a butterfly as shortly after he died she went to open the window and there was a butterfly fluttering inside against the window trying to get out. Nothing perhaps unusual about that except it was the middle of winter and I have never seen a butterfly in the middle of the winter:) Who knows whether there is such as reincarnation or whether these happenings are coincidence but they are lovely happy positive thoughts and I think that is the best way to face the future:) I had a similar experience the morning my father died with a robin - of course robins are not at all shy so I am sure that was just coincidence but I remembered the butterfly story and it gave me comfort and encouragement. Keep smiling, Paula. You're doing just grand:)

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    1. Thank you Jane. I enjoyed the story as well as your experience with the robin. We will never know if messages are being sent to us. But I find that thinking so does give me comfort.

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  3. Never heard of this singer before, but the song is haunting and so right, no wonder you felt your connection with that butterfly... living on after you have lost your soulmate is so very hard, but you are doing ok so far, keep on and chin up**

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    1. My husband was a big fan of music of the 1950's. Maybe that is why I had heard this song before. I don't know! The song is beautiful isn't it!

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  4. I think all things are possible with God and He can send us messages of comfort through whatever means He chooses. I know someone who lost her husband several years ago and in the time after he died, she saw many hawks (or was it eagles?). These were special to her and her husband, so when she saw them she took it as a definite sign of comfort from above. God is personal and so are His signs. His care of you is precious.

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    1. I think that is probably what I was feeling...comfort from our Father above!

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  5. Susan expressed well what I believe. And yes, I have had signs. My father died my Sophomore year of high school. Five years later, Mama remarried. I was thrilled for her. They were living in his rent house, and remodeling our house. I was home from college for the summer and staying in my room at the house. I lay awake in my bed, thinking, feeling, like the remodeling was taking the last of Daddy away and feeling like a brat, and awful daughter for feeling that way. And then I heard the footsteps start at the back door and walk through the house, causing the baking pans to rattle in the bottom of the stove in the kitchen as they passed by. My Daddy was the only person who made that happen when he walked through! It reassured me that Daddy would never be forgotten or replace.

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    1. I have a similar story about my dad the night before I was married the first time. Chilling but comforting in the same way!

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  6. The song is simply beautiful. I have a photo of my son and his wife. They are holding their 14 month old son between them. One morning, this past December, the sun light was streaming through the window and played on the glass at just the right angle to form a rainbow, right above my grandson’s head. (My son passed away in the month of December). I just had to take a picture of the rainbow on the photo. I posted it on Facebook. My daughter-in-law saw the post and commented. Everyday during Advent she would give her son a gift. But before he could open it, he would have to name something he was thankful for. That morning he said he was thankful for rainbows.
    Enough said.

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    1. I am sorry about the loss of your son Lyndagrace. I imagine that picture brought you and your family much comfort. I, too, am thankful for rainbows!

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  7. A beautiful song and a beautiful sign from Richard that he is well and he loves you.

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  8. I bet it was fun to watch all the wildlife that came into the back yard at your feeders, Paula; I'm sure both of you enjoyed doing that together! How sweet with the white butterfly! I do not believe I have ever seen a white one (other than a moth and there is a difference).

    I don't believe our loved ones can send back messages to us (but I don't know for sure, so they easily could) but I do believe God can send us messages that he is thinking of us during our time of grief. One of the anniversaries of my mom's death, her favorite Christmas song was "Silent Night". She died 12/13/2006. I was on someone's blog that day of her anniversary of her death and they were featuring their favorite Christmas song, which happened to be Silent Night. It was the first time I had visited that blog and I just was led to click on it. That same day, my brother was at Starbucks with one of his grandchildren and while waiting in line for their drinks, a little girl right in front of him accidentally bumped into him. Her mother asked her to be careful and addressed her as "Julia", my mom's name. I just knew God sent those two gifts to us to remind us he was with us during our sadness. Then there was the heron that God put on the field by the church we went to the weekend after hubby's dad died; never saw a heron again there but herons were favorite birds of hubby, and then the hawk God sent the day after my mom died that landed on a fence post in an area I had never seen a hawk before.

    betty

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    1. Many wonderful messages have been received from above to give us comfort. Heck, I don't know if it was a butterfly or a moth! They look the same to me. LOL

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  9. Dear Paula: I have my cheaters on for this comment. ��

    I believe . . . have always believed . . . that there is so much more that goes on around us every day than what we normally attend to. I believe that if we mortals can imagine something, then certainly the Creator has greater imagination. If we can sense a message of comfort and presence from the appearance of a white butterfly, then so can our Creator. Could not the One with greater imagination have put the butterfly there? I believe it is so.

    If we can wonder if our loved ones communicate with us, then I believe the Creator who gave us the power to wonder also nurtures that wonder with concrete evidence. If we never got evidence to support things we wonder, we would stop wondering . . . and yet we don't stop. We are tenacious that way.

    I believe that our journies here have two purposes: to focus on this life here and to focus on whatever will come next . . . beyond . . . after. We hear about faith, hope, and love often, but I believe the most difficult virtue to hold on to is not faith or love. I believe it is hope. I believe our Creator knows hope encourages us to keep plugging along toward comfort with what comes next and I believe we are given reasons to hope and signs that hope has a purpose. . . like pure white butterflies.

    And what I first said about what goes on all around us to which we are normally oblivious? Probably messages and signs for other folks who need them on days when we are buoyed up.

    Because of your medical career, I want to suggest a WONDERFUL book (two books to her name now) about this topic was written by a Minnesota physician who was a forensic pathologist and county coroner, Janis Amatuzio. If you can find her book "Forever Ours", do take the time to read it. She addresses the very topic you brought up in your post through stories from her medical work. It is fascinating. Her job as a coroner was to explain death . . . but I think death and what comes next often explains itself. If you like that book, her second is "Beyond Knowing: Mysteries and Messages of Death and Life from a Forensic Pathologist."

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    1. I think you are spot on with your thoughts. It is a message of hope, I think! I have located the Book "Forever Ours" at Barnes and Noble and downloaded it onto my Nook. It will be in my future reading. Thanks for recommending it to me.

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    2. Do let me know what you think of her perspective. I have read both of her books, and liked them both very much.

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    3. I will do that Gram! Once again thanks!

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  10. Beautiful story.
    Some people are so busy, they often miss signs.

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    1. I think we can also take what we see and make it into a sign. Maybe!

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  11. Yes, that definitely sounds like Richard was "visiting". Funny how it's the little things that do it.

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