Monday, April 27, 2015

XXIV is a Good Time for Marriage

Life's Lessons: A to Z Challenge


The first time I was married I was only 18 years old. 18 years, 8 months, and 12 days to be exact. Too damn young! Why didn't my mom stop me. Oh she tried. And my brothers. But I was 18 years old and I knew what was best for me. Yeah, right! I didn't listen to anyone and I got married. To a sailor. Who was on board a ship for the entire time he was in the Navy. And out to sea almost all of that time as well.

Why did getting married so young mean so much to me. It was what girls I knew did. Most of the girls in my group got married when high school was over. I went to a business school after high school. But I also got married the first leave that happened after he completed his boot camp. The one that came about just before he shipped out to the Indian Ocean. It is true when they say: a teenager is not emotionally, financially, or any otherwise ready for marriage.

The Life's Lesson that I will pass on to you here is this. Wait at least until you are 25 (XXIV) for marriage. Or that is the age I would pick if I were as smart then as I am now. I would finish school. Live on my own. Wait until he had been out of the Navy. Not have a baby at age 20. My young husband finished his military career and came home to a wife of four years and a 2 year-old child he had seen once. And he had changed tremendously. Picked up some bad habits. Was a different person. And so was I. Short story is that after struggling for 9 years and 3 pregnancies later, we divorced. I became a single mother raising two young sons. And it was hard.

It may have been just as hard if I had gotten divorced later and the kids were older. But I just think the mind of a teenager is not developed enough to know what is good for them. I shudder when I think of Darian soon turning 18 and getting married. I know how young he is. I know how not ready he is for a long-term relationship. I know how much hard work goes into marriage.

Take my advice....XXIV is a much better age to get married.

Would you agree with this? What do you think is a good age to get married?

24 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you Paula. I was 22 when I got married but had been working since I was 18 and then we had 6 years before we adopted kids so we got a lot of the fun stuff out of our system, vacations, going out to eat, etc., so when the kids came along I was ready to settle down a bit. I am in no hurry for son to be married and to consider having kids if they are going to have kids; he's 26; he's got plenty of time. Interestingly, his girlfriend who is 30 is pushing for marriage, but I wonder if that's because she is feeling "old".

    betty

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    1. I would be wanting to have kids too if I was 30. I started to run out of energy by 40 and kids require a lot of energy! But I definitely think people should make sure they are ready for kids no matter how long it takes. They are a lifetime responsibility!

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  2. I always thought I would be married by the time I was 23, but my husband and I were both in our later 20s when we got married. Yes, it would've been nice to be married by 26 anyway, but better to wait or not even marry at all than to marry the wrong person. A teenager's mind is not developed enough, though some teenaged marriages do work out because the individuals 'grow up together'. The brain isn't fully developed until about age 25. Sorry you had to learn this first-hand, but glad that you had a good marriage later.

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  3. Hi Paula - you have to meet the right man - and even as I did make a mistake .. but I've known friends who married really young and have been happy for ever .. it's a game of chance and one that then needs to be worked out ... so glad your Richard was a great match for you .. cheers Hilary

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    1. I am not saying that anyone marrying at a young age will have a bad experience. I am just saying your brain is better developed by age 25 to make decisions. And yes, meeting the right man helps!!

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  4. I would not have been mature enough to marry at a young age. My brother on the other hand married when he was only 19 and they're celebrating their 16th anniversary this year. I never thought in my wildest dreams though that I would marry for the first (and only) time when I was 45. I'll be having a talk with the Big Guy when I get to Heaven that's for sure!!

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    1. Obviously I wasn't mature enough either. Or he wasn't! I am happy for your brother. Sometimes it works. And I am even more happy for you finding love at 45! You can tell the BIG GUY thank you every single day.

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  5. Eighteen probably is too young, but so much depends on the people involved. Some people get married later on in their lives and they still shouldn't. Maybe we need to devise some sort of test, a bit like taking your driving test.

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    1. Wouldn't that be great! I know that it works for some people. It didn't work for me. And a lot of the reason was we were too darn young

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  6. I don't know if there is some magical number but I do think that you should get to know and love yourself before you are ready to take on the committment of getting to know and love someone else. I think the timing on that is different for each of us.

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    1. I am wondering if I know and love myself yet Wendy!

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  7. I think we need to make laws to make it harder to get married than unmarried. 28-30 is good.

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    1. For years I have said if they would make a marriage license cost as much as a divorce, people would have to think about doing it longer.

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  8. I don't think I was ready at 25. But then again, there wasn't anybody around who I wanted to marry, so it didn't matter. I think I would have liked to have been married in my 30s. But I guess some of us will never get the chance.

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  9. Way to think outside the box, using Roman numerals!

    Ya, I was barely 19 and not done w/ my first year of college when my son’s father and I thought it a good idea to run away and get married. Broke my parents’ hearts. I like to think it never happened, but then my wonderful son wouldn't have happened.

    Based on my own maturity (or lack thereof!) I’d recommend age 30.

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    1. I had to think outside the box to stay in my theme. I feel the same way about my first marriage. I don't regret it because then I wouldn't have my kids. But maybe doing things differently. Who knows. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?

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  10. Oh I agree and there are some who should wait even longer. I have met young people who are still quite immature and I have met other who were 22 and so mature they put me to shame now! Overall I think young people need to have fun, enjoy their time and not rush to become adults

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    1. I wish I had done that Birgit. I encourage that in my grandkids now!

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  11. Marriage is a hard one - and I'm in a hard place when it comes to marriage because of my idiot of a brother. ANYWAYS. I think everyone is different. My husband married when he was 19 and he ignored all the red flags that everyone else could see. I think the problem was he didn't have his head on straight and didn't have enough positive relationship from positive people to guide him in his decisions. Then again, I have seen high school sweethearts last till old age and beyond.

    Personally, I always wanted to get married at 22, right after finishing college. And I actually managed to make that happen! lol Actually, it was more of a God thing than a "me" thing. ;)

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    1. I am glad it has worked for you Jessica

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  12. I got married when I was 20, my husband was 19. We were not the least bit worried about getting married young, and in fast, it has helped us to have a stronger marriage as we had to work through things together, and we did so. There were times it was difficult, but we haven't regretted it. I spent most of my teenage years raising my brother and being more of a mom that a teen, I think that helped a lot. My daughter Robyn had only turned 20 when she got married 3 years ago, and I know she doesn't regret it, in fact, she and her dh are likely doing much better than Mike and I were when we were at that point. I can totally see both sides of this though.

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    1. Sometimes it works. But statistics don't prove that the younger you are the better marriage you have! Usually they don't last. I'm glad yours has

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