Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Lesson that Grief Sucks!

Lessons From Life: A to Z Blogging Challenge

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Sadly, this is one of my more recent lessons in life. Grief sucks! You can never prepare for it. It hurts like hell. And the only thing you can do is go through it.

During those final months of taking care of Richard at home I would often think what life was going to be like when he died. I knew I would be sad. I knew that I would miss him. But I thought I would get over it and just go back to living my life. A new life, without him. But not much different.

I didn't have a clue!

I didn't know that I would feel like my world had been put inside one of those snow globes and that there was some giant shaking the sh** out of it. I didn't know that I would cry all the time. I didn't know that I would miss him so much that my body ached. I didn't know that I would go to sleep at night and be jerked awake with the pain and the tears of missing him.

I didn't have a clue!

He has now been gone almost 9 months. And it seems like years and years. But then it seems like yesterday. It is the craziness of that which keeps me off-guard all the time. It hasn't gotten easier. I don't know that it ever will. I just know that it sucks. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

I didn't have a clue!

See my other Lessons from Life here.

26 comments:

  1. I can't compare with losing a spouse, but I remember thinking as my mom was getting older how it would be without her around and then when it actually happened it was nothing like I thought it would be. Definitely worse as you definitely know with grieving Richard. You are right, it sucks. There's nothing you can do about it but tryi to keep living the best you can.

    betty

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    1. That is what I am doing Betty! And it is a tad bit easier with good friends like you to support me!

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  2. There's no changing "gone," but it sure has a big impact for such a little word.

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  3. Hi Paula - so difficult as you can see it happening and know the time will come ... Grief is such a natural response .. one we can't control, yet in time it will ease, but each anniversary or pertinent date will bring it all back - it's life's rich tapestry reminding us of that journey and all the love we have ... with thoughts - Hilary

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  4. Still so sorry for your loss. I am praying each day brings you something to smile and to live each day fully. Hugz.

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  5. It is most difficult and words seem to be so much less than the emotions attributed to them. I hate the term "get over it" People have no clue. I think the best is that one must adapt to a new situation and that is what is so hard. I lost my dad when I was 23 and that is not the same as losing a spouse. My mom was devastated but she would still talk to him. It feels very weird that my dad has been gone 27 years-seems so long yet it can feel like yesterday-that is how time can screw one up. Friends, family, animals and find something one enjoys doing always helps

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    1. I am trying as hard as I can to adapt!

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  6. You have traveled far in such a short time Paula. Two steps forward for every step back. Grieving is a very personal thing....no right or wrong....it just is what it is....hugs

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  7. Hello,

    Here from the A-Z, and so sorry to read of your loss in this moving post. As you say, there is nothing you can do to prepare. It's a very personal path each individual treads, and the process cannot be hurried. I don't if a stranger's words can help, wish you peace, strength and healing.
    All the best for the A-Z, and for the other much larger challenges you are facing,
    Nilanjana

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  8. I once read that missing someone who has died is not like missing cigarettes after you give them up, getting easier with time, but like missing water.

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  9. Again, you've touched me with your words. All my life, it seems I've lived in fear that those I love most would leave. And of course, they did.
    Like you and Betty, in a couple of cases I tried to anticipate my reactions and and plan accordingly ... there goes my control freak again. But of course, I was sucker-punched. Sometimes I wonder if loving that hard is worth the price we pay.
    Hugs!

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    1. It is too late for me to wonder that Myra! Or maybe I would not have loved so much

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  10. No words, just lots of love and hugs, my friend!

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  11. They say that you shouldn't make any major changes for a year after. Not that it gets easier after a year, but perhaps a new normal has settled? I don't know. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Liz A. from Laws of Gravity

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    1. I've heard that as well, Liz. I don't plan to make any major changes. Thank you for your kind words

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  12. I remember reading your A to Z last year Paula. I'm glad I was able to find you once again this year. I'm sorry that your past year has been one of such heartache. I'm very sorry for your loss. You two seemed to have had a very wonderful 40+ years together. Elle @ Erratic Project Junkie

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    1. Thank you for stopping by Elle. We did have a wonderful life together and I cherish every single day. Even the days that I sometimes wish I could have kicked him out the door :)

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