Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Lessons on Having a Room of my Own

Lessons from Life: A to Z Blogging Challenge

Almost all of the years Richard and I spent together I worked either the evening shift or the night shift. 25 years on what is known as the 'graveyard shift' (although nurses don't like to call it that) and 5 years working 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. After my sons left home I began to entertain the idea of having a room of my own. We had transformed one of the boy's bedrooms into an office for Richard. Very masculine with a golf motif. He spent many hours in that room after he retired. It was his room. We had a big bedroom that we 'shared'. Well, sharing it would mean he slept there at night and I slept there in the daytime. And when we slept together we both admitted it wasn't very comfortable.

If you have spent anytime with a person who works the 'graveyard' shift you would know that even when we are not working we are generally not sleeping. We developed many different sleeping styles over our years together. He liked a quiet, dimly lit, room with the drapes open and the moon shining in. He liked the electric blanket turned on. He read for minutes before he fell asleep. He liked to set his alarm for 15 minutes before he needed to get up and then hit the snooze alarm 3 times. He turned the lights on when he got up and made a bit of noise in the attached bathroom. He liked to turn the radio on and listen to the news as he showered and shaved and took care of his ADL's.



If I was home from work and sleeping with him I liked the drapes closed. The windows cracked open. The fan on. Only a sheet. The TV on. Or a radio. I read. Often late into the night. I liked to eat and drink in bed. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to take that darn alarm clock and hit him up beside the head with it. I silently screamed at him to keep the lights off and shut the door. Probably I was just getting to sleep as he was getting up. He always told me that my reading, with the lamp on, didn't bother him. But I know it did. I could tell by the way he tossed and turned. We just didn't sleep well together.

So I began to dream about turning the other boy's bedroom into my bedroom. But first I had to convince Richard. I didn't want him to think it had anything to do with me loving him less. He wanted me next to him on my nights off. And I didn't mind that. Finally I convinced him that it had NOTHING to do with sex!! It had to do with us both having our own space. Sorry if this is too much info. It is what it is.



I turned the bedroom into the girly bedroom I had never had. I painted the walls in cool light green with deep, dark green trim. I bought a beautiful wrought iron day bed. I covered it with a flowery quilt, a ruffley bed skirt, and piles and piles of pillows. Most men, if being honest, hate all those pillows. I loved them. The room was full of pictures of my kids and my grandkids and pictures of Richard and me. I laid out all my mementos from our travels. Delicate vases and dishes. Richard made a desk for me that fit perfectly into the little nook in front of the window. I hung flowery sheers and pale green drapes. I had a beautiful delicate wicker chair. I bought myself a TV. And I OWNED the remote. I placed some of my prized dolls throughout the room. Above my bed hung my favorite picture of the beach.
look really close and see Harley's reflection


When the grandkids would stay over, we slid out the trundle bed and they got to sleep with granny. Often we would make up stories about granny's chair on the beach. And we dreamed of the day I could take them there. Darian was always so worried about me leaving my scarf. He was sure it wouldn't be there when we went there to get it. Oh, the memories.

Sadly, I gave my room up to Harley when the kids came to live with us. I packed away the dolls, the pictures, the mementos of vacations past and turned the room into hers. And Richard gave up his office to Darain.

But I had many, many enjoyable hours reading, watching TV, sleeping, napping. Listening to music. Writing in my journals. In My OWN Room. I think every woman, everywhere, should have a room of her own.

I will again...now that Richard is gone. I just have not yet made our room into my room. That day will come.

Do you have a room of your own? Maybe not a bedroom, but a craft room. Or a reading nook. Or a place that is just for you. Do you think that is important?

25 comments:

  1. I started sleeping downstairs on the couch more years ago than I can even remember! My husband snored soooo badly that I never got any sleep. And I had to get up at 5 each morning to go to work! I eventually moved upstairs to the guest room. And that is where I've slept ever since! I need that time to myself at night! Sometimes it seems like it is the only time when I'm truly alone with just me! And I sleep so much better! It upset him from time to time that I would not sleep in the same bed anymore. But now he has gotten used to it I guess. Or just doesn't say anything about it anymore!

    Linda in VA

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    1. Richard snored as well!! Richard fought it at first. But he soon preferred it this way. Just like I did

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  2. Richard sounded just like me. I sleep best in a softly lit room and love the moonlight streaming in. I also set my alarm early and snooze a few times! It just feels good to snuggle back in for a few minutes a couple times! I would love to have my own room but my husband wouldn't think of it and the one time I mentioned it he acted like his feelings were hurt so I never mentioned it again!

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    1. You should just do it. It's not like we need their permission. And you both will sleep better.

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  3. I am hopeful that the next home we have will have 3 bedrooms, one for the music room for all of hubby's equipment and then 2 bedrooms, one that could be a guest bedroom or used by the other person if they can't get to sleep in the same room as their spouse. Some nights I toss and turn a lot and feel like I'm disturbing hubby or will snore and disturb him (he snores too but is a lighter sleep than me). I think whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep is necessary, especially as we get older :)

    betty

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    1. I agree. And I loved just having my own space

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  4. I don't have my own room but I do have my own chair in my own little corner of the room.

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  5. I love, love, love lots of pillows, you can never have too many of those! Drives my hubby totally batty ( and now I have those scratchy burlap ones on our bed too, muahahahaha! I have a few spaces of my own. I do have a craft room which is a disaster of fabric, paints, driftwood, shells, stuffing, glue guns and can hardly move in. I share it now with Devin. I have a corner of or kitchen which has my fold top antique desk. And I have a little clear spot down by our stream where I go and sit and just sit. It is my "Thoughtful spot". I do not think there is anything wrong with having your own room. Maybe it makes you a bit closer, as you can get rest and not be grumpy from being tired. Plus you get to have sleepovers in your own home! My in laws have separate rooms now, my father in law snores so loud, he actually needs to be in his own separate little cottage, lol! It sure has kept the peace between them! I love your picture, it is just gorgeous!! xoxo

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  6. Used to have my man cave. Then we had kids.

    Stephen Tremp
    A to Z Co-host
    R is for Reincarnation

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    1. That happens. When we get kids it seems like we give up everything!

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  7. I'm single, so my room is a room of my own.

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  8. My husband snored, too, but he used.a CPAP and I loved the quiet, steady rhythm. When I head bad cop dreams, he would try to hit whoever was in his dreams and I had to duck and run and sleep on the couch. He always felt bad, but he needn't have. Our room is mine now . . .

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    1. Oops! That was supposed to say "when he had bad cop dreams"

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    2. Richard had a CPAP but he wouldn't wear it! And his snoring was simply crazy at times. I'd listen now!! Glad I didn't have to go through bad cop dreams.

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  9. Oh boy, this is something to which I can relate!

    I've a real love/hate relationship with our bedroom. It lies on the SW corner of the house, with a cathedral ceiling and 3 large windows. In spite of the fan and black-out drapes, 9 months out of the year it's miserably hot.

    Now Tom doesn't come to bed until several hours after me - and he gets to sleep late. So, after my snooze alarm's gone off for the 3rd time (uh-huh!) I get up and head for the other side of the house, where the ceilings are normal. One bedroom has a cream-colored wicker daybed and a few personal effects that make my heart smile. (Not including the dang treadmill.)
    .... But reading this makes me want to accessorize it with more doo-dads and photos. Just wish I could SLEEP in there w/o hurting DH's feelings!

    Your original paint scheme sounds so restful, Paula. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your (possible) master bedroom transformation!

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    1. That is how it used to be with Richard and me. He would go to bed first and I would follow hours later. But I still slept better once I got my own bedroom. I can't decide if I want to re-decorate the master or just change rooms with Harley and get my old one back. She will only be home a little over 3 more years. Then I plan to sell. I need something much smaller

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  10. My mother's favorite book was by Virginia Woolf-A Room of One's Own. No, I don't have my own room but we have room to spread out.

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    1. I haven't read that book. But I ran across many references to it when writing this post! We have a big house with plenty of room to spread out. But there is nothing like your own room :)

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  11. I have my own room and I love it! No more be awakened by movements and snoring.

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  12. Hi Paula - in some ways I'm glad I'm single! My room is my room ... and I can see you changing your room in due course .. that time will come anon .. cheers Hilary

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    1. A good thing about being single....it is all yours!

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  13. I have a craft room that is also the room my step daughter sleeps in when she comes over. I love it because I have all my crap and its messy and I can decorate it any way I want. Todd sleeps with a cpap and for the most part we sleep fine together. When he has a cold though, his snoring is sooo bad. He sleeps in the other guest room. That's the only way we both get some sleep.

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