Sunday, December 21, 2014

Five Months-So long ago, Yet Seems Like Yesterday

June 2014
Each time another month comes and goes I say the same thing: It seems like so long ago and yet it seems like yesterday! I wonder if it will always feel this way. The holiday season is making it all seem so fresh again. I miss him so much right now that I feel as if I am walking about with fresh pain in my heart every single day. A fullness in my throat and a pain in my heart. Will it ever go completely away? I hope so and then again I hope not. As long as there is pain I know he is buried in my heart. I miss you so much Richard. I wish I could feel you close. I don't! I wish I could see you one more time. I can't! I want to hear you say: "I love you sweetheart"...I don't! I only know that you did. And I have to take comfort in that.


14 comments:

  1. Maybe in the Grand Scheme, 5 months is but a trice?
    I know it's just a line from an olden play (Carousel), but I loved when the "Keeper of the Stars" tells Billy, who's thinking of his wife and daughter: "A year on Earth is just a minute up here." I like to believe our loved ones are looking down and counting the minutes.

    Do you still watch that video where Richard sings the line from "Oklahoma!"? Loved it when he said, "I love you, too!" No-one could dare doubt his conviction!

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    1. Yes, Myra, I watch the video often. I love to hear him say he loves me. Even singing the silly little song brings a smile to my face.

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  2. The Holidays are very hard Paula. I wish I could be there to share a glass of wine, some laughs, some tears and some hugs. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
    Didn't you find time was like that when he was alive as well? I look at Frank and cannot believe how long we have been together and yet I can't remember what life was like before him. Time is funny like that.

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    1. No, I didn't really find time was like this when he was alive. It just seems we went from day to day. We looked forward and sometimes backward. And now, I know that it was flying by!

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  3. Dear Paula,

    I have only began to follow your journey but you are an inspiration. I admire your constant strength even through this difficult time. I know that it's only been five months but man does it go by fast but still feel like just yesterday.

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    1. I am glad that you have joined me Felicia. I don't know that I am as strong as I might sound here. It is very, very hard!

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  4. ((Paula))). It is comforting to know deep down in your heart that Richard truly loved you deeply and completely. That will never change.

    betty

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    1. Yes, Betty, that is what sustains me. I was very lucky to have a husband who loved me so deeply and so completely.

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  5. Dear Paula, those five months may have been the hardest five months of your life. And they were the fastest and the slowest, I'm sure. I put myself in your place so often as I read your blogs and comments to me. If I've learned nothing else from this arduous journey, it's that change really is the only permanent thing in life. The holidays will be so so hard for you, and they'll be so different as you make the changes to get through them. Thank goodness you have the grandchildren -- such a blessing. As Wendy wrote, I wish we could share a glass of wine and really talk. Nancy

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    1. Wouldn't it be great if we could all get together somewhere, someday and do just that. Thank you Nancy. I think of you often on your journey

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  6. Dear Paula ... such a difficult time ... and I certainly hope Christmas will be easy, peaceful and blessed with the grandchildren around ... even if not with Richard, and only his memories ... my thoughts - Hilary

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    1. Yes, Hilary we have been sharing all of our special Christmas memories about him! It does help

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  7. That's a really good picture of him. :) My heart goes out to you during this time. :)

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