Monday, October 20, 2014

SECOND

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.


 Dearest Richard:

Today is October 21. Three months since you died. I cannot believe it has been only three months. It seems like it was just yesterday. Yesterday when you last squeezed my fingers. Yesterday when I last saw that tiny smile and those twinkling eyes. Will it ever get any easier? I feel so empty. I miss you so much. There is a pain in my chest that won't go away. It is the pain of a broken heart. I wonder if that pain will end. I wonder if the crack in my heart will mend. Will I always feel this way?

Three months. At times it feels like 3 years. Or 30 years. Or even 300 years. I struggle to hear your voice. I strain to see your face. I know that you are right here near me and I hold you close. In my heart. I touch the things that you touched. And remember. I don't want to move on. I just want to stand here in this very spot where you last were. I need a second. Or a minute. Another hour with you would be so nice. I want to hear you laugh. See you smile. Hear you call my name. Know that you will always be right there. I just need to see you, hear you, feel you for a second.

You can see how confused I am about time. It only seems a second, yet it seems so long ago. 


Love forever, 

Paula

6 comments:

  1. (((Paula))). These letters are all so touching and so clearly display the wonderful love you have for Richard and the love he had for you.

    betty

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    1. Thanks Betty. I thought each day would get better....I'm not sure that is the case, right now!

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  2. Each day will seem to get better and then SLAM BAM, you get knocked for a loop. It might be a song, a day, a thought, a photo....it can be anything but then all of the sudden the pain is back like it is the very first day of grieving. Hang in there Paula, you are doing great.

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    1. That is exactly how it has been. Much like the final months of caring for him. A roller coaster ride. Just when I think I am doing so well...when I say to myself "Hey I didn't cry today" a commercial will come on that reminds me of him and I end up crying for an hour. Thanks for hanging with me Wendy!

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  3. "It only seems a second, yet it seems so long ago" …. that makes so much sense. I really understand it. I have felt that as well.

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    1. I'm always happy when a friend understands

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