Thursday, October 2, 2014

NEW

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. Letters to Richard..my recently deceased husband. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

Dear Richard:

I woke up early the morning after you died and lay quietly in my bed. Trying to take it all in. I knew you were no longer here in the house. Yet I felt your presence. You were still close to me. It was the beginning of a new day. A new life. A life I was going to have to live without you. But I wasn't ready. And I'm still not. I will move on when I feel ready to move on. But not yet. It's too new.

Do you remember when we used to wake up early and the house was still very quiet? It would still be dark outside. You'd call my name. I would answer. You would say, "I don't need anything. I just wanted to know if you were still there." Of course I was still here. Where else would I be? You needed me. I
wasn't  going anywhere.

Well, I'm still here. There is a new life beyond the door. A new day is waiting. A new sun is rising. I will have a heart and a head filled with all our beautiful memories...but for now, I'm still here.

Forever and always,

Paula


 

18 comments:

  1. Richard's vulnerability was at once, both sweet and heart-breaking. What a reassurance your responses must have been, Paula!

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    1. Yes, he was very afraid towards the end. Afraid of dying. Afraid of me leaving him. Afraid of being placed in a nursing home. I hope that I gave him the reassurance that he needed......

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  2. So true, Paula, that you will move on when and if you are ready. I just noticed the quote you have on here from Isaac Assimov. You are right, those are wise words.

    betty

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    1. I try to change that up one in awhile. But this one fits for where I am right now.....

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  3. Paula, my heart was so touched by this. I think every married couple can relate to reaching over just to make sure your love is there. That blessed me so much to read of it in your post. God bless you, Paula, in amazing ways as you journey on this new path.

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    1. Thank you Leah. It will be a new journey and it won't be easy I'm sure

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  4. I love this Paula. What a comfort you were to Richard. You two were very lucky to have each other.

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  5. I love the theme you chose for this challenge and I love that you are sharing your letters to Richard with us.

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    1. Thank you Wendy....it is helpful to me. I think!

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  6. How beautiful and painful and brave, to be the memory-bearer. We can only know him through you, and you have made him lovely in our eyes. Thank you so much for sharing this private moment, for painting this still, hushed picture, colored so liberally with your love and heartbreak. I hope your new comes on quiet feet, gentle and healing, and everything you need.

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    1. That was beautiful. Thank you Laurelei

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  7. This is heart-rending. What I wish for you is that you have support from others as you get used to the loss in your life.

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    1. I have a wonderful son and some pretty great grandkids with me

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  8. I can close my eyes and picture this...such a touching memory.

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