Friday, October 3, 2014

LEARN


This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

Dear Richard,

There's so much I have yet to learn. You were always trying to teach me what you thought I needed to know. Like checking the oil, checking the tire pressure, putting gas in the car. You told me I had to learn these things because "I won't always be here." I didn't want to learn any of it because I knew you weren't going anywhere. You insisted that I learn how to change the furnace filters. How to start and maintain the mowers and the gas-powered trimmer. But I only half-heartedly listened to you. 

I could almost  see that small little sh**-eating grin as you looked down last week, when I struggled to change that furnace filter. I could almost hear you whisper "I told you so". So, I should have listened. I should have learned. But I didn't. I planned to hang on to you forever. It just didn't work out for me, did it? 

Something that I have learned since you left me is that grieving is hard. I didn't expect this. I thought I was prepared. I am a nurse for goodness sake. I had helped many, many families with the beginnings of their grief. I had no idea how hard it would be to wake up without you. To come home to an empty house. To sit at the dining room table and you are not at the other end. To wake in the middle of the night and listen for your breathing. I have so much to learn. I miss you!

Watch over me as I learn,

Paula




14 comments:

  1. I would be with you, Paula, I don't even know how to pump my own gas. I'm not sure how I would go with other things that are routine maintenance things around the house. Maybe I better take some heed to this and actually learn them. I bet you will continue to learn and succeed in what you need to do in this stage of your life.

    betty

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    1. I would definitely encourage you to start learning now my friend....I never put gas in my own car until Richard got sick.

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  2. Oh sweetie....this took my breath away. Grief is hard. My daddy passed away a little over a year ago. He treated my mom like a Princess and now she is so very lost. Thank you for encouraging people to learn.

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    1. Yes, grief is so very hard. That is how my husband was for me too...I never did anything. We have to learn to take care of ourselves.

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  3. My husband keeps telling me the same thing - adding that he will not always be around. I guess I have to start listening to him.

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  4. Glad I can learn along with you here! Beautifully written friend! BethanyBoring.com

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  5. Good advice, my friend. Tom's all the time saying I need to learn how to do this-or-that to the stupid pool or the irrigation system and I keep changing the subject. Come to think of it, as I write this I realize he hasn't said anything like that since being diagnosed with the cancer a year ago. I dare not bring it up now, you know?

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    1. Yes I know what you mean. I say prayers for you and Tom my friend....

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  6. Good thing you've got Darien to help with some of these things too!

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    1. Both Darian and Justin....even the girls are very helpful

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  7. ooohhh Paula..you hit me right where I live...I have no idea how to do anything. After my first divorce when I was alone, my Pops would come over and take care of whatever needed taking care of. I don't know what I would do without Frank but I guess I better start learning how to do these things while he is still here to teach me.

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    1. Yes, Wendy, it will be much easier if Frank teaches you now while he still can....

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