Tuesday, October 7, 2014

GO

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

Dear Richard:

Not a day goes by that I don't ask 'why did you have to go?' I know that it was inevitable. But that doesn't make it easier to accept. Because, no matter what the explanation, you still had to go

Have you heard me crying and asking why you had to go? Have you heard me tell people that I would take you back and go through that horrible care-giving stuff all over again just to be able to look over at your chair and see you sitting there? Do you look down from Heaven and see me stuck in my grief and not taking any steps forward? What would you say to me, I wonder? When I am being really honest I tell people that I'm pissed off at God that you had to go. I hear those little intakes of breath (from the real believers) and then they offer me all the reassurances that are supposed to make me feel better. But none of them have lost their husbands yet. So it doesn't make me feel better.  

Did you know that I am sick this week. That's probably why this letter sounds so cranky. You know how I am when I am sick. No one knew it better than you. You just left me alone. Stayed out of my way. Let me be sick. I loved that about you. I loved everything about you. Even the things I didn't love, I loved.

But I have to go....my five minutes are up!



Forever and always,

Paula

10 comments:

  1. *hugs* so honest and beautifully written

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    1. Thank you so much Aleshea. I have missed you. Where do you blog now? Still at Glitz and Grits?

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  2. I bet this series is very therapeutic!

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  3. The best thing about having the perfect spouse for you is that they know exactly how to handle you whether you are at your best or your worst.

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    1. Isn't that the truth Wendy. Sometimes they might need a little nudge though :)

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  4. I liked how you ended this, Paula, with you having to go as 5 minutes were up. I agree with the other commenter that said these letters could be therapeutic. I do hope every day you feel a bit better

    betty

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    1. Well it is a five minute writing contest....yes this writing is therapeutic. Right now it's like our life was...a roller coaster ride. There are days I feel better and days that all I do is cry and miss him. I guess that is normal!

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  5. "Even the things I didn't love, I loved".

    Such an eloquent, soulful song of what marriage should encompass. I feel like this is how Hub loves me. I'm not sure I live up to that same standard!

    Great writing even in your sorrow and anger, Paula.

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    1. We did love each other just like that....

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