Today marks 6 weeks since I lost my beloved husband. Six weeks doesn't seem like a very long time. But, then again, it seems like forever. I know that it may appear to some of you, who have never lost a loved one, that I am dwelling in the past and constantly reminding myself of my sorrows. But, what I am really doing is trying to recognize a new life.I recently came across a post at Bertram's Blog that reminds me that this counting of the time, since his death, could be part of the grieving process. Something we share with others who are grieving. A new life that is stretched out forever before me. This new life of mine that started the day he died. Like a birthday! Like starting over again.
It seems like others around me have moved on from their grieving his loss. We talk about him. But we don't seem to grieve anymore. Well, they don't. I still do. I still cry almost everyday. I still look for him everywhere I go. I listen to see if I can hear him. I stop and smell to see if his smell still lingers. I touch his box of ashes to see if I can feel him there. I feel, at times, as if I am wandering. Wondering what it is that I am supposed to do now. I guess I am doing it my way. I will move on when I am ready. I don't think one can rush this process. I need to go through it so that I can come out on the other side and be okay.