Friday, August 8, 2014

One Bank at a Time

Today I went to the bank. The bank where we have our checking account. We have a savings account at another bank. I never really understood why Richard wanted it that way. But that is the way that it is. Today I had to take his name off of the checking account. And put the account into my name. I can only do one thing a day. It is too over-whelming to me right now. I've been told by so many people what a strong woman I was while taking care of Richard. Well, where the hell is that strong woman now? If you see her will you send her home. Because I need her.

Why does everything have to take so long. First of all, we had to wait for one of the managers to get freed up so that she could help me. And then she admitted that I was a "guinea pig" because she had never removed someone from an account because of death. I had his death certificate with me. It is required. I bought and paid for 5 of them. $15.00 each. And not one place, so far, has kept it. They make a copy and give it back to me. But I cannot take a copy to them. They have to see the original certified copy that I paid $15.00 for from the State. Ridiculous, right?

And then it took so long. Questions asked and answered. Social secuity numbers given. Address and phone numbers. None of that changed, but they need to verify I guess. "Just scratch his name off", I wanted to shout. But she was just doing her job. 

The lady at the bank was very nice. And offered her condolences. She was a stranger to me. But she knew Richard. Her father worked with Richard in Boy Scouts. And Richard helped her son with obtaining his Eagle award from Boy Scouts. She talked fondly of him. It strikes me as odd how many people knew him. And that people thought he was a good man. That gives me peace. A little! I know that this will continue to go on as I make my way through all the days ahead. He was very active in this community. Very civic minded. He talked to everyone. He was a people person. 

I cried less today. And if I am not thinking of him every single waking moment then I start to feel a little guilty. But then the grief comes over me again. And I wish I could not think of him as often. It's as if I am losing a bit of my mind. But it is what grief is all about. Even when I have known for the past years, the past months,the past weeks, that death was coming, I am still so surprised how much it hurts.

 I will keep sharing my thoughts and my pictures. This picture was taken on his last day at work. Well, the job that he worked for 40 years. He did other part-time jobs too. But this was the job that was his career. He retired in February 2000. Then we took a cruise. Hence the leis we are wearing.....

14 comments:

  1. That's a nice picture of the two of you, Paula. I bet the cruise was a lot of fun! It is neat too that people are sharing their memories of him to you as you take care of the business you have to take care of. I think you will get that bravery back you once have, its just too soon after his passing; just do the best you can every day with what you have to work with.

    betty

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    1. Thank you betty. Yes, this is the trip that lasted 32 days. We flew to Sydney to board the boat and cruised to Bangkok It is filled with memories

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  2. I love all the photos that you are sharing. And I am happy that you are going through them and remembering all the good memories that you and Richard made.

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    1. I went through boxes and boxes of photos for the memorial service. One of the pastors did a wonderful slide show. We are trying to figure out how I can share it

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  3. My Dad had accounts in every bank in town, no joke. Plus investment accounts online. It took me months to go around to each one and close them or take his name off. You are right - none of them kept the death certificates. I had ordered 10 copies of it for nothing. It took forever at each bank... we always had to wait for someone else. It's hard enough dealing with the loss but dealing with the hassle of the legal affairs isn't easy at all.

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    1. Thank goodness we only ordered 5 copies. What cracks me up is they WON'T take a copy but each one of them takes my original and copies it???? Doesn't make any sense to me

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  4. Paula, I really appreciate your sharing these 'everyday' images with us! Recently, I had to say 'goodbye' to a long-time colleague. His retirement luncheon was lovely; but I was struck by the look of admiration and love on his wife's face ... much like yours in this picture!
    Didn't someone have a GREAT idea, stuffing that little 'love boat' on the table?

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    1. Yes that little 'love boat' was handmade and I still have it. They also created a little replica of his office. Oh the memories!!

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  5. One of the things I remember most about the weeks after my father passed away were the wonderful stories I heard from all the people he had touched in our town. It meant so much to me. How wonderful that Richard meant so much to them that they want to share their memories with you. Keep taking it one day at a time.

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    1. I am glad that I have wonderful memories to sustain me and that people share theirs with me

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  6. I am sorry you are having to take care of all the formalities. Things that seem so simple, can take so long to do. I know the time at the bank was agonizing. I hope you will soon be finished with all these tasks. I'm glad you cried less today. Thinking of you every day!

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    1. The only problem with crying less, Fancy, is that then I feel guilty.

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  7. Well, apparently I have been living under a rock. I'm so sorry to read this. I have your blog saved so that I can make sure to go to read when I actually had time to scroll back through to comment because I adore you and your way you capture and captivate. My deepest heartfelt sympathies. Your love for him is huge...I'm so sorry for all the little details....that make you take pause. Hugs

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