Friday, July 4, 2014

When I Exhale...


It is getting late. It has been an uneventful day but it is a day that I will never forget...July 4, 2014. Today I lost the diamond from my engagement ring. We have searched all over the house and we found NOTHNG! It is gone. I am a believer in signs. You know the kind of signs that I am talking about? Like the verse in the Bible that says:
"Unless you people see signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe." John 4:48. I think that I have been sent a sign. I don't want to interpret it. I don't want to think about it. But I am being prepared. These signs have come to me at other times in my life, but I will save those for other posts. Today I am on to Lisa Jo Baker's 5 Minute Friday. Where a group of us write, uninterrupted, unedited, without too much thought on a prompt that she provides. And then we share with each other. Today the prompt is:


Exhale 

Go


Almost three years ago on September 16, 2011, sitting at the dinner table, my husband suffered a stroke. I knew it immediately. I called for help. He stopped breathing in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and was on a respirator by the time I arrived. But we were able to give him TPA, which really reduced the severity of the symptoms of the stroke. That is the day that I took a really deep breath.

And I haven't let it all the way out yet.

He came home from the hospital after going through rehab and he even threw away the walker and was pretty self-sufficient again. He just had no short term memory. He read the paper three times a day forgetting that he had read it each time.

Then in December 2012 he again had an episode and quit walking. In March of 2013, he stopped breathing one day. When my brother and I threw him back into the chair he started breathing again. But I have never exhaled. Just a bit at a time. I just keep holding onto my breath. I know that it is coming. The day is in the nearer future. It is no longer very far away. It will come.

That will be the day that I will finally exhale. Because there will no longer be anything that I can do. He will go home. His pain will end. His new life will begin. I will exhale.

Stop

14 comments:

  1. Oh how scary!!! Saved from death more than once. And I am so sorry about your ring. The diamond may still turn up. It does seem like a sign.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Paula, I am so sorry about the diamond :(

    You wrote this really well about when you will exhale, I am just sorry for when that will be.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think when I exhale there will be a big hole in my heart but a huge weight off my shoulders! Thank you betty!

      Delete
  3. I am crying here, with you and for you. It is such a difficult thing to go through but it sounds as if you are having a slightly easier time accepting the inevitable. I too believe in signs, it will be interesting to see if Richard helps you to find the diamond one day in the future. A friend of mine lost the diamond from her wedding ring shortly before her husband left her. Over a year later she was cleaning her kitchen floor, as she had hundreds of times since she lost the diamond and there it was tucked up under the floor molding. That same day her husband contacted her and asked if they could try to work things out. Hmmmmmm........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am coming to terms Wendy. I know that I have to. It will be the worst thing ever to happen to me but I have two kids who will need me to stand strong. I sure hope Richard does help me locate that diamond....I will NOT replace it! Thank you Wendy for always being there.

      Delete
  4. Paula, I just came over to see your "Exhale" post for FMF. I'm so sorry you lost your diamond. And I'll be following your journey to see where this sign leads your family. Thanks for sharing. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much. I will go over and check you out too!

      Delete
  5. I'm a believer in signs, as well. Heretofore, I believed they only come to other people; then again, I need to pay closer attention.

    Powerful, heartbreaking look back. You were on my mind after I went to bed last night; again this morning, in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just couldnl't help making the connection between losing my husband and losing the diamond from my engagement ring. It might be nothing! But I believe in signs:)

      Delete
  6. Oh Paula...how sad. I lost the diamond earring my daddy got me for my twentieth birthday (it was the 80's, I only wanted one!) and it tore me apart. I hope you find yours - it has to be there.
    I believe in signs too. I misinterpret them a lot, but I believe God uses all methods to prepare us and communicate with us and help us. I hope you can find some peace and know that so many of us are sending your strength. Your journey has been so hard and so long. I'm praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is heartbreaking....I know that I can have another one put in the setting but it won't be the same. I will keep looking but it could be anywhere....we have a huge house and an even bigger yard and I have not idea when it fell out. I thank you and everyone else who is traveling along with me on this very long journey!!

      Delete
  7. I believe in signs too, Paula. Bless you. I am continuing to pray for you all! I will be glad, but sad, for you when you can finally exhale completely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it will be sad, but all around it will be better!

      Delete

I love to hear what you might think. Leave me a comment. I guarantee though that I will delete your comment if you are just here to cause trouble. So tread lightly!