Sunday, June 22, 2014

Alive or Just Breathing?

I hate how he is now.
Dead, yet still breathing.
Looking out of eyes 
Glazed over; not seeing.
He looks right at me
But what does he see?
It seems as if he's looking
Somewhere beyond me.
Is this really better?
Than a face filled with pain?
I'm pondering how
I will keep being sane.
I make myself remember
Many months ago.
When we talked about this.
About letting go.
He said he wasn't ready
But he didn't want pain.
I'll honor his wishes.
We'll be together again.





27 comments:

  1. My heart aches at your pain. I am so sorry. I can not do anything to help you except send prayers and hugs your way.... which is what I am doing.

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  2. I so wish there were something I could do to help....sending hugs, love and prayers for strength

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    1. That is exactly what I need Wendy. thank You!

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  3. I can't fathom what it must be like. I appreciate when you share your life so openly.

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    1. It is far worse than I ever imagined it to be

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  4. Thinking of you and saying a prayer for you both.

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  5. Words just fail at this time. My heart prays for you.

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  6. (((Paula and hubby))) prayers being said

    betty

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  7. Please accept my prayers for you and your family.

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    1. Happily and gladly! Keep them coming

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  8. Dear Paula ... such a difficult time for you - a release from pain is the best for him and for you ... you are describing these days so well - not all easy ... and I've seen the pain and anguish too from my uncle, my mother hardly - thankfully ... the release when it comes is the right time ... with many thoughts to you and the family, but especially you - Hilary

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    1. Yes, it is Hilary. Thank you for stopping in.

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  9. I wish you peace of mind and a peaceful state, free from pain, for Richard.

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  10. Paula, I've been thinking of you all day. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I wish I could be there to help or hold your hand or bring you a glass of wine or just listen. I am so sorry for this awful time. Thinking of you and as always, praying for you both.

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    1. Thank you Lisa.....I feel your presence

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  11. Dear Paula, giving him relief from the pain has to be the best thing for your to do right now. This is so sad to read, to be far away and not able to give you a hug. Please know that I am thinking of you and Richard and remember that you are not letting go of your love for him. That will always be there, keeping you connected.

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    1. Thank you for these words Inger. They really help!!

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  12. This must be excruciating. You can't really say goodbye under the circumstances and perhaps the time is past for that. Please know that deep down he probably senses your love and your presence although you can't see that. Freedom from pain is what he needs now.

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    1. It is excruciating...it is painful...it sucks big time. But we are still on the roller coaster. Waiting and riding

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  13. Hi Paula,
    I and my family (mom, siblings, and all relatives) are now going through this as my dad is in his last 'days' (according to the dr), having fought prostate cancer for 6 years, and now dementia as well. His body is tired. He sleeps a lot. Lots of visiting and hugs and kisses and prayers. He's not awake too much anymore. It's a difficult time and I thank you for writing your words about your experiences.

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