My new blogging friend, Lisa, who blogs at My Sweet Peanut, does a weekly challenge on Wednesdays. She gives us a word prompt and we write about it. She is a caregiver, like me, and trying to build a community. So go visit her and try a hand at writing. This week the word is gratitude.
I am struggling. There I said it. I don't know if there is anything at all that I am grateful for. I am exhausted. My back hurts all the time. I am lonely and bored. I am sick of being a caregiver and the mom to teenage kids while I am nearing my 63 birthday. I talk to God every single day and I ask him over and over: "What is the plan here?" I wonder if he is listening to me. He has so many people he has to listen to. Why me? I say that out loud as I type these words.
And then I think. "You should be ashamed of yourself. You have a really nice house with a brand new roof over your head. You have the love of 9 of the best grandchildren in the world. And two of those wonderful kids are lucky to be living with you and helping you. And there you sit sniveling and feeling sorry for yourself." And the conversation in my head goes on..."you are able to eat good food and drink clean water. You have a good car. And your husband is still alive and knows who you are. And he tells you over and over and over how much you mean to him. So quit your crying and belly-aching and start looking for reasons to be grateful."
So I am grateful for getting this out of my head on onto the blog. I promise to do my very best to snap out of this little pity party and look around everyday and find all the things in my life that I am grateful for.