Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Babbling, Backaches, and Bitching




Here It is: My A To Z Challenge. An adventure! My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease. We also have two teenage grandchildren who reside with us.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!




He babbles.
I babble.
The TV is always babbling.
There is babbling all around.
He speaks so softly.
With a voice very weak.
It is hard to hear him.
Sounds like babbling to me.
I babble back. He doesn't understand.
I hear it in the background.
It is all around.

Then there are the backaches.
This job will bring.
It's hard to lift him.
It's hard to pivot. And hold him.
And lift him again.
I wonder how many times a day I lift,
Then turn to sit him down.
I learned the right way in nursing school.
"Use your legs", they said.
I've learned how to lift right
Finally, got it through my head.
Always use a gait belt.
I can hear them say.
But still I have backaches.
They just don't go away.

And I will tell you all about it.
Bitching, some will say.
I do a lot of bitching.
It is my way to vent.
I sometimes bitch at him.
And then the guilt sets in.
Mostly I bitch at teenage kids.
It's not their fault, they say.
But babbling, backaches, and bitching.
It has become my way.

27 comments:

  1. Oh, I just want to give you a hug. And maybe a day off.

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    1. Come on. I will take both...the hug and the day off. Thanks for visiting!

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  2. And entirely human response Paula.
    hugs :)

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  3. I'm a caregiver for a quadriplegic lady. I can identify with the backaches, the babbling and the need to vent (I don't know why but I just don't like the word bitch in that application, but it does begin with B so ...). You've got a good thing going by spending thought time on gratitude. It just seems to help and that's probably why God said to do it. And you are right - caretaking is exhausting. God bless you for the love you show in sticking with it. Get that vacation!

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    1. I love the word bitch. But I realize that not everyone does. Thank you for dropping by! Yes it is exhausting!! I live with my patient 24 hours a day 7 days a week!

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  4. When I think of you I have many B words also.....Beautiful, Brave and Bold come to mind. When I was helping to care for Frank's cousin Chrissy who had ALS we had a special contraption to help lift her. I forget the name of the thing but It was like a sling that we would put under her and then hook to a metal contraption on rollers that would boost her up and take her where we needed. Check with hospice. They may provide one for you.

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    1. We have had two different lifts here. They both worked for a bit. Our problem is that nothing gets up close enough to his chair. And sometimes it is just as easy to use the gait belt and lift than go through the whole contraption process which is hard to get under him if he is sitting. And uncomfortable to leave under him all the time. Does that make sense?

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    2. And Thank you for thinking that I am beautiful, brave and bold. I am not sure I deserve any of that!!

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  5. Even with the best body mechanics, I'm sure you are tired at the end of the day since you are on 24/7 as opposed to an 8 hour shift you would work as a nurse in a hospital or nursing home. I know I'd be tired. Sometimes it is good to get it all outand vent; better than to hold it in.

    betty

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    1. Yep and bitching is something that I do so very well

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  6. Paula, I can tell that life is really hard right now. Some of us probably don't want to know that, but we need to...it could happen to any of us. Thanks for sharing. I hope there are bright moments in your day, too.
    Shells–Tales–Sails

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    1. Yes Sharon life is hard but we do have many small bright spots each day!

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  7. I love what Wendy said about you, Paula! ('Ditto!')
    ... but back to what you wrote today: I enjoy your use of the word, 'babble.' You're right, we all do it and it's always there in the background ... and how few of us stop to listen. (OK, I'm talking about myself in the last part there.) Just feeling a bit reflective, I suppose.

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    1. Thank you so much Myra! And yes the babbling goes on and on and on!

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  8. Constant paon can iritate everything and everyone around. I believe we are all entitled to bitch and babble as long as we continue on and put a smile on your face to get through it all. I know all about pain, irritability, and everthing that goes with it.
    *hugs*
    Jamie Dement (LadyJai)
    http://caringforaveteran.wordpress.com
    http://writebackwards.we3dements.com

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    1. There are too many days that I don't want to put on a smile. Tomorrow will be better. Says who? I just bitch. That's what gets me through.

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  9. so excited for the bitchin'! I knew it had to be there. I can't imagine adding the lifting to my day. You are so strong and funny and all the wonderful B words Wendy mentioned. Great post, made me nod my head, smile, want to send you a hug. The babbling (I call it mumbling) is one of the single most annoying and baffling parts of my day - is she talking to me? about me? to herself? to an imaginary? is it a question? a statement? should I stop what I'm doing and find out? will she have forgotten by the time I get there? ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

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    1. Oh Lisa I hear all that too. We have paranoia and hallucinations here as well. He thinks there is a man in the house with a clipboard and every once in awhile I have to kick the man out just so I can get some piece! I'm there with you girl!

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  10. Just want to send some hugs your way, Paula!!!

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    1. And I'll take them Elena! Thanks

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  11. I agree with Wendy. I like her B words for you. Something you are not...Boring! I have learned so much through you.

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    1. I hope I am not boring :) Thanks girl. You know I love you

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  12. Hi Paula .. the 24/7 and the lifting must be so difficult and I can feel your backpain as I have it from somewhere .. not lifting as such. Your Bs are good ones .. we need to vent ... and babbling doesn't help does it - but is a necessary evil of communication when one gets older, for some ...

    You are being a wonderful carer to your hubby .. and I sincerely hope you get the odd bit of relief .. with thoughts Hilary

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    1. I do get odd bits of relief. Sometimes just a nap on the couch while he watches TV is rejuvenating.

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  13. I cannot imagine having the will to carry on as you do. You have every right to bitch and moan and cry and carry on. It is sometimes all we have when the tank is empty and the road so rough.

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    1. Thanks! That is what I am best at....bitching, moaning, crying and carrying on!

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I love to hear what you might think. Leave me a comment. I guarantee though that I will delete your comment if you are just here to cause trouble. So tread lightly!