Friday, March 21, 2014

I Ain't Feeling the Joy

It is time for Five Minute Friday. Where we just write. Without editing. Without over-thinking. We are supposed to feel safe. And then we link-up with about a zillion people who can come and read everything you wrote. Oh, and you only write for Five Minutes on a word that Lisa-Jo chooses.And the one, and only rule, is to visit the person who linked right before you.

Go

This week when I went to her blog to see what the word was my heart sank. JOY! There is no small way in hell that I can spend five minutes writing about joy when joy is just not something I am feeling today. Or really so much for the past few years. Or maybe for my whole life. I hear people talk about joy. I see people act joyful. But I honestly have never felt that curl your toes joy people talk and write about.




And I question! A lot! And everyone. About everything. Is this the life that God really wanted me to have? What is it that I am supposed to be learning here. I am currently reading The Bible In a Year...in chronological order. And boy do I have a lot of questions. There isn't much joy in Deuteronomy. If you know what I mean.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy about things. I am happy to see my husband smile. I am happy that my grandchildren are safe and happy. I am happy when my son comes over on the weekends. But joy! Nope I just don't have that earth shattering joy! Sorry.

Stop

Now go read about Joy on Lisa-Jo's Blog. Maybe I will get some small hints as to what others find is their joy.

16 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this Paula. As you know I pray for you daily and now when I pray I am going to ask the Lord to fill your heart with JOY!!

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  2. DEAREST Paula,

    I felt a couple things in my heart for you. (1.) Have you ever heard of Jennie Allen? She wrote a book called 'Restless' and she has a live(web) book club every Monday. I think this book would be helpful to you. It's a journey and it's deep and it's Christ based. If you feel led, search for Jennie Allen and her book. : )

    (2) This is actually hard for me to stay conscious of, BUT, even though Deuteronomy was rough and the Old Testament can be confusing, there's one thing we can be sure of: JESUS. Who came to SAVE us! I'm thinking of how He took on the punishment we deserved and provided us with a GRACE that we didn't deserve but He gave us access to it anyway. And the freedom in Grace is that it isn't something that we can do on our own-follow a law and be righteous and produce fruit that is pleasing to God. Because then, we'd get the glory. But Jesus made a way for the HOLY Spirit to live IN us. In the old testament the presence of God was outside of them and in the tabernacle in the Holy of Holies. But now, it can live in us. And because of that, the Spirit is what helps us interpret scripture and the Spirit and the Truth that's revealed to us begins to wash us and set us free and help us walk in love with God and others. I know your reading the bible in a year which is so awesome. But don't forget about the cross! And the resurrection! ; )

    I'm praying for you dear sister! And I'm crying out for these things for me too! Let the Holy Spirit increase in our lives and help us where we need it!!!

    So much love!!

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  3. Ah, Paula. I wonder sometimes if different personalities perceive joy differently. Maybe happiness is joy? Sometimes, I question if we make that into a bigger thing than it is- especially if we are more analytically minded or reserved.

    I can identify with what you wrote. My one word last year was joy... in an attempt to get some kind of handle on that quality.

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I hope you can enjoy some happiness today. (I actually have been digging this song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.

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    1. THanks Julie. I actually just purchased and downloaded this tune! It really is a happy song, isn't it?

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  4. paula - first of all i love your authenticity and your humor-infused writing...you made me smile and feel like i know you after reading one post : ) being right in the middle of one of the most difficult seasons in my life i also found it almost comical that my charge was to write about 'joy' today...and then i realized it made perfect sense {which is what i wrote about on my blog in the end : )} i am not really the 'curl your toes up' joy kind of person you mentioned either...so i can relate to feeling left out of that party. BUT...i will say that God has been revealing a much deeper joy in my life. it's more of a 'close your eyes and breathe deep and feel tears spill down your cheeks' kind of joy...so give yourself permission for your joy to maybe look different than you would expect. thank you for sharing!

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    1. Thank you elizabeth. And thanks for visiting

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  5. OK, we're in very different places ... but I'm relieved to finally discover another who's a stranger to this concept called "joy."
    Maybe .... well, probably, it's my own interpretation. Nevertheless, I'm going to take your suggestion and visit Lisa Jo's blog.
    As always, thank you for your honestly, Paula!

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    1. Yep I just don't know where to look to find the joy that so many write about.

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  6. Joy is elusive; I struggle with it myself, but I remember one night waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Our ladies group at church as studying Beth Moore's Fruit of the Spirit Bible study and that week was on joy. I remember going to the bathroom and then coming back feeling incredible joy because my name was written in Jesus' book of life and I was going to be spending eternity with him and no matter how hard life was at that moment (and it was a very stressful time with this and that) I felt nothing could take that joy away from me. I haven't experienced too many other joyful things as profound as that.

    betty

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    1. I think that I am beginning to decide that joy is where we look for it!

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  7. Paula, I love what Elizabeth said above - maybe happiness is your joy. I hope so. And she is right about Pharrell's song - you've got to watch the 24 hour video - not all of it, but a few minutes a day is a picker-upper! And of course, I recommend a daily dose of Jimmy Fallon - the bit about Peanuts in last nights monologue made me laugh so hard my daughter was worried about me! Thank you for being so open and honest. Praying for you today!
    Lisa

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    1. I listen to "Happy" everyday. I am not crazy about Jimmy Fallon. My husband loves David Letterman. I am usually on the computer at that time. Thanks for dropping in Lisa. Hope all is well your way

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  8. Keep it real, sister. You be you, and joy can come find you. Love you.

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    1. Thanks Cristy. Anyone who knows me well knows that I tell it like it is. I ain't about to sugar coat anything.

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