Monday, February 24, 2014

Please Call Me Grandma!

I am almost 63 years old. And I am 'mom' to two teenage kids. How on earth did this happen? I was supposed to be sitting in my recliner enjoying my golden years. I was supposed to be planning another cruise with my happy, healthy husband. This was the plan I had for myself. I wasn't supposed to be doing this parenting thing again. I wanted to be a grandma. I couldn't wait to be a grandma. I wanted to read to them, sing to them, spoil them rotten and send them home. This isn't fair. I hear my mother whispering in my ear..."life isn't fair."

No it isn't fair. But it is what it is. Tonight I went with Harley to enroll in high school. HIGH SCHOOL, I am silently screaming in my head. This cannot be possible. She cannot be going to high school. We walk into a packed auditorium and find our way down the aisle to somewhere near the front. I look around at all the parents. Those parents with their fresh-faced almost freshman kiddos. Those parents who are just getting off work. Those parents who are probably somewhere closer to 40 than to 63. And I cry silently inside, thinking "I cannot do this again." 

But of course I will. Darian is going to be a junior. What??? A junior. Oh man, I have just got to quit typing and go lie down. How on earth did these two little tykes get to where they are now. And why can't I just spoil them and send them home. Why can't I proudly show up at the high school and watch their activities and performances like all the other proud granny's?  This just isn't fair.

But what would happen to them if they didn't have me? That is a question I can ask myself. And I do ask it. Often! They would have a grandma. But where would they have ended up? The foster system. Adopted by people who would not have wanted me to stay involved. I couldn't have that, could I? So here I am being the grandma/mom. And getting ready to do the high school thing with a girl! For the first time around.

Lord, help me.

14 comments:

  1. I admire grandparents who raised their grandchildren as their "own" children. My son's ex girlfriend's parents are raising her two children (my son is not the father of either of the children). I don't think I would have the stamina to do so at my age of 56. Hopefully Harley will enjoy the benefits of high school without falling into the wrong crowd and the high school years will be smooth sailing.

    betty

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    1. I get that a lot. There is nothing to admire about it, believe me! It isn't something we chose to do. It is simply something we had to do. When they showed up on our door step, you can't say no. I feel as if I had my entire future taken away. But it sure isn't the fault of these two and they deserve to have someone who loves them...so here we are!

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  2. Yes, this is a tough one. And you are right. The choices you had were tough. And you picked the most acceptable one. And your grand kids missed a bullet because of you. They may not know it now, but as adults it should be clear as a nova. And if it isn't at least you can live with yourself when they are grown. That is how I would look at it if I was walking in your shoes.

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    1. They know it Elaine. They know it!

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  3. I totally get this post, but you already know we are paddling different boats in the same ocean. Makes me want a nap.

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    1. Me too! Yep, I know you get it GNG!

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  4. God has a special place for Grandparents that have taken on the role of raising their grandchildren. I know how hard it is but I also know how much comfort they bring to you while you deal with Richard. Never feel guilty about venting on here. That is what it is for.

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    1. You are right on all accounts. As you so often are, my friend!

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  5. You and me both. It was so scary to see Class of 2018 on our enrollment night. Your grandkids are very thankful that you took them in too. Just think of how empty your life would be right now if you didn't have them there and all the teen drama they bring (ha)? You gave them stability when they had very little. I am not ready for this 'high school with a girl' thing. I am not ready for her to be graduating in 4 years. I am just not ready for her to grow up.

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    1. Well unlike you, I AM ready! I am ready to clean a bit off my plate. Although I know I will still worry and try to tell them what to do. I will be glad to know another family is raised.

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  6. When I think of all that you do,caring for your husband and his declining health and raising the kids and I can't help but admire you for it. Life is hard, change is hard....this I know.
    You're a good person Grandma!!

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    1. Thank you Jen. I don't feel at all like I am anything special. I am just doing what any one of you would do!

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  7. Personally, it has to suck. I'll just say it for you. You're NOT supposed to be raising them.... but considering the alternative, I'm so very glad you made room in your home and heart for them. You are one special, loving angel.

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    1. You are absolutely right April. It is NOT my job to be raising them. I was feeling pretty bad the day I wrote this. So used! And it totally pisses me off at times. But I'm glad they are here. Both for them and for me!

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