Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I have never Ever thought About it!

Day Five

A Time You Thought About Ending Your Own Life

     Does everyone else think this is an intense blog challenge? Sheesh, let's get to the lighter stuff: Here goes to one more day of intensity. Bear with us.

     My dad committed suicide when I was 7 years old. You can read more about it here. It was awful for me as a little girl. The kids at school were very mean. Some of them would say things like, "even your own dad didn't want to live with you." I know  those were just horrible, mean things that kids say because they don't know any better. But they are things that have stuck with me all of my life. There are still some of those very kids that I don't have good feelings about . Our life was hard and mostly, I have always felt, it was due to the fact that we did not have a dad. Or a person that brought home the bacon. My mom had to work outside the home in a time when few moms worked away from home.

     And there was even a time when I thought that it was my fault. If I had been a better kid, he would have wanted to stay with us. It is a terrible thing suicide does to those who are left behind. I now feel that there isn't a more selfish act, than to commit suicide. The only person they are thinking about is themselves. They might be ending their pain. But they are leaving a lot of pain behind for people who don't deserve it. So I have NEVER thought about suicide. It would be a horrible thing to put my family though. They say that the number one reason that people commit suicide is because of depression. Well if you think you are suffering from depression, run, don't walk, to get help right now. Don't leave a family behind that will suffer more than you want them too. And remember this: Suicide is FOREVER!


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22 comments:

  1. God, that is so sad. Suicide is sad and it hurts to think of the pain a person must be in to even contemplate it. I'm sorry about your dad and for your Mum. Yes, kids can be spiteful little snits and some of the most hurtful things i have ever had said to me happened at school. A really lovely post.

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    1. Thanks Lisa. I am so glad that we have become friends! Suicide is the saddest. And I cannot forgive for it. Although I do try hard!

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  2. A neighbor committee suicide when I was in College. He was a few years older than me so we never hung out. But his sister was always at my house cause she was friends with my sister. They were in the same classes growing up. I remember how crazy it was.

    It's always so sad when people see that as their only way out.

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    1. Not only is it sad, but I think it is selfish!

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  3. Paula, that is so sad. I am sorry that you had to go through that as a child (through your life).

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    1. I wanted to share so that others can see what suicide does to those left behind

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  4. Oh god those kids, such an awful thing to say!
    Thank you for sharing Paula, so glad the really heavy stuff is over :)

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  5. My mum died when I was six and other kids were so cruel sometimes. :-(

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    1. I am so sorry. I truly know how that makes you feel!

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  6. No suicide in our family and i have never thought about suicide ... never! And I can't imagine what it is like to be left behind after that act. Very sad.

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    1. Good evening! Glad you dropped by today! Yes, it is very sad.

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  7. I completely agree! 100% selfish. My good friend did that four years ago this December. Leaving behind her son two weeks before his 5th birthday. Who DOES THAT????

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    1. My dad left behind 5 kids ranging in ages from 5 to 11! I can't imagine doing that to my kids

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  8. I want to hug little 7 year old Paula. How horrible of those kids. Completely selfish on your dad's part. You are a wonderful person, you could have let your circumstances define you, instead you took control. I am so happy you are my friend. I am ready to leave the heavy topics behind!

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  9. It's great that you can talk about it, but I agree that it is a heavy topic indeed! I share your views on suicide.

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    1. It took years to get to where I can talk about it

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  10. You are wise to share these times from your childhood, no doubt it helps you lighten your load and it certain can help someone else. You've had a lot to overcome in your life and it sounds like though you have scars you've come a long long way. I talked about the importance of talking about it and so wish the stigma of mental illness would become a thing of the past. And like you, hope we get to some lighter topics soon. WOW...

    Trying hard to catch up so this was the 3rd post I wrote today...chugging away.
    Sandy's Space Have you Considered Suicide

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    1. It is hard, once you get behind! Hope you are having a good day

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  11. I'm glad you kept at it, even though talking about it took years, it's how you heal. Well done. Right you are, I am all over the place. Having many blogs and knowing I couldn't keep up if I didn't spread it is why I asked you about it early on. It strikes me that kids don't understand, just as you said. Sadly I think they think everything is like a video game and don't understand the permanence.

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    1. Back in my day we didn't have video games so that wasn't their excuse then. I just think kids vomit out of their mouths whatever they are hearing at home!

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I love to hear what you might think. Leave me a comment. I guarantee though that I will delete your comment if you are just here to cause trouble. So tread lightly!