Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
These are the things that I have let go of in order to care for Richard at home:
- Sleeping in my own bed...he sleeps best in the recliner. So I sleep on the couch.
- Sleep! Lately he hasn't been sleeping, so therefore neither have I
- A routine....we live by his routine
- Being outside in the summertime! I love being outside but he only tolerates small bits of it
- Long showers....quickies, so I can be back out with him
- My clean house....letting it go because taking care of him takes a lot of my time. And I can't leave him alone to do the rooms that are not in his view
- Jumping in the car to go somewhere. Anywhere. It is an ordeal to get ready and go somewhere.
- I have had to let go of CONTROL. Because now he is in control. Even if he doesn't mean to be.
- Watching things I enjoy on TV. We watch what he likes. And with his short term memory loss he doesn't know that he has already seen a show. So we watch it again, and again, and again.
- All of the extras that we used to enjoy. Because I had to quit a full-time job to stay home and take care of him. And that means we lost a full-time income.
But I would trade all of this just to not to be faced with the inevitable meaning of letting go. And that will be the final 'letting go'. That day will come and even if I think I am prepared for it, I won't be. And it will be hard to 'let go'.