Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Celebrating

Today, at our house, was a day of celebration. It was the last day before school starts. After picking the kids up from debate practice we went to Olive Garden (see my friend Lisa how dinner plans just keep changing) and celebrated their last day of summer. It was the first time just the three of us have gone out to dinner together in a very long time. It did feel a bit odd not to have Richard with us, but we talked about him and toasted him and knew that he was with us in spirit.

I had two of these...Italian Margarita


My ravioli

Harley's Fettuccine Alfredo

Darian's shrimp Alfredo

They were having a 'buy one...take one' deal so we each brought home a dinner just like what we ate tonight to have tomorrow night. We also got a free movie rental from Red-box so we rented Identity Thief. I have to admit that it was really, really funny (even though it is R rated for the language and maybe a couple of questionable scenes) and was just what we needed as a family.


Monday, September 1, 2014

September Goals

Okay, I have to admit that making goals in August was just plain dumb. I didn't do anything for the entire month of August. Now I will try to work on setting some goals that maybe I will achieve.

1. ORGANIZE MY HOME
   I am determined to get this goal finished one way or the other: Paint Darian's room. Paint the wooodwork. Make the headboard. Paint the shelves. Hang the light.

2. FREEZER COOKING
   This should be easier to do with the kids going back to school. I will prepare hamburger and chicken for recipes and put in the freezer for easier meal preparation.

3. Family Budget
   I should be able, now, to get my new budget set up this month. Finally got the death certificates. Now just waiting on the new monthly income to arrive!

4. USE MORE COUPONS
   I am doing this one! Yea for me.

5. BETTER UTILIZE THE SAVINGS ACCOUNTS.
   I will be subscribing to the 'pay me first' theory this month.

6. FORGIVE MYSELF
   Amen.

7. WORRY LESS....LOVE MORE
   Yep

Six Weeks

Today marks 6 weeks since I lost my beloved husband. Six weeks doesn't seem like a very long time. But, then again, it seems like forever. I know that it may appear to some of you, who have never lost a loved one, that I am dwelling in the past and constantly reminding myself of my sorrows. But, what I am really doing is trying to recognize a new life.I recently came across a post at Bertram's Blog that reminds me that this counting of the time, since his death, could be part of the grieving process.  Something we share with others who are grieving. A new life that is stretched out forever before me. This new life of mine that started the day he died. Like a birthday! Like starting over again.

It seems like others around me have moved on from their grieving his loss. We talk about him. But we don't seem to grieve anymore. Well, they don't. I still do. I still cry almost everyday. I still look for him everywhere I go. I listen to see if I can hear him. I stop and smell to see if his smell still lingers. I touch his box of ashes to see if I can feel him there. I feel, at times, as if I am wandering. Wondering what it is that I am supposed to do now. I guess I am doing it my way. I will move on when I am ready. I don't think one can rush this process. I need to go through it so that I can come out on the other side and be okay. 

Menu Plan Monday


I don't know about you but I can hardly believe that we have entered into Fall. This was one of the longest summers of  my life, yet I somehow find it hard to believe that it is now behind us and we have entered into September. The kids will start school this week and we will begin another chapter..


Monday

Green Bean Soup
(a favorite at our house and I didn't make it yesterday)
Sour Dough Bread

Tuesday


Wednesday

Kids eat at church
Salad for granny

Thursday

Kids eat at debate practice
Salad for granny

Friday

Hamburgers
French Fries

Saturday

(if you haven't made this yet, you have to..Yummy)
Salad
garlic bread

Sunday

Scalloped potatoes
corn

I link up with I'm an Organizing Junkie for Menu Plan Monday. A great place to find new recipes too.

* recipes are linked










Friday, August 29, 2014

Just out of Reach

Friday is here. Let's travel over to Heading Home and join Five Minute Friday. A comfortable, safe place to share five minutes of writing raw. No editing, no over-thinking. Just putting your thoughts down and then hitting the publish button. The only rule is to offer another writer (or two or three) your love and support. Let's go. This week the writing prompt is:

Reach

Go



The sun was pouring through the front door windows when I saw the shadow pass over my loved one's face. I knew his time was here. Those who had been lingering in our corners stepped forward. It was time. I reached for his hand and held it tight. And I reached deep into my heart for the strength that I knew I would need from this moment on. He passed peacefully. He had reached his goal. There was no pain. No discomfort. Just a quiet letting go.

I sit now in a silent room and reach for peace. It is out there. This much I know. I just have to reach for it. I stretch out my hand. It is just outside my grasp. My thoughts are filled with the past and what I have lost. I cry. But I must keep reaching to find my future...and know that he is still with me....just out of my reach!

Stop

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Throwback Thursday

This is a picture of Richard taken in the early 1950's, while he was serving our country, somewhere in Germany. He wrote on the back of it...."getting ready to watch a parade." The entire back of the photo was covered with his writing...telling about a little German boy who he gave 4 pennies to and how happy it made the boy. I love reading about the time he spent in another country. Most of the pictures of this time have his writing covering the back. I am glad that he documented his journey for us.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Willing or Not

It is already Wednesday. It seems that time just keeps marching forward, doesn't it. Can't we pause just a bit? I want to catch my breath. But that is not the way this works. So I am joining my friend, Lisa, at My Sweet Peanut in her weekly One Word Wednesday challenge. This week the word is:



WILLING

I am not feeling all that willing right now. I am just not. I don't know why. And I am not interested in finding out why. If being willing means moving on then I'm not going to. Not just yet. If willing means: ready,  eager and prepared to do something, then I am not willing

I just completed a three year roller coaster ride. If you are interested in the journey then you can check out My Care-giving Journey Page by clicking here. I didn't ask to go on this journey. But I was willing. There were times (many more than I want to remember) when I wanted to get off. When I had taken all that I could take. When I even said, to anyone who would listen, that I couldn't do it anymore. But I kept with it. I was willing. I had to be. This man was my husband. The love of my life.
 The man who came to me 36 years ago and agreed to take care of me and two sons who were not his responsibility. And he was willing. I have never felt a more powerful love than the love that was given to me, by Richard. It couldn't have been easy for him to make the decision to date a young woman with 2 young boys. Many people out there discouraged both of us from entering into this relationship. Many people thought it wouldn't last. But it did. And you know why it did? Because both Richard and I were willing.

Marriage is not easy. All married couples know that. It is easy to just give up when things start to go downhill. I know that! Because I did it once. Richard knew that. Because he did it twice. When he and I decided to get married, after having lived together for 18 years, (I know, I know) we talked about what this was going to mean to us. For better or worse. We knew that we would have plenty of each. We had already been through a lot. For richer or poorer...yep, been there too. In sickness and in health...we didn't have a clue what was waiting for us around the corner. To Love and to cherish....we both did this. I loved and was loved. I cherished and was cherished. Til' death do us part....We were willing.