Wednesday, October 22, 2014

LOOK

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

Dear Richard:

I remember that day so many years ago when we found our home. We were out for a drive. This neighborhood was always one of your favorites. We had driven through it before. The houses are near, but not too close. The trees are huge and beautiful. Lots of cottonwood, elms, maples, and oaks. Close to town yet not right in the middle of things. Close to the country. But not isolated. We saw the house with a tiny 'for sale' sign. You thought it looked empty so you pulled into the driveway. "Couldn't hurt to take a look." you said. We walked around the outside and peeked into the windows. I dismissed it immediately because I only found one bathroom. No way could we move into a house with only one bathroom. And besides the duplex we are living in is perfect. We have everything we need.
Our house October 2008

Coming down the street towards our house...
(see our house down there at the end??)
Going around the curve
But you didn't give up. You called me the next day and said you had called the number on the 'for sale' sign and the house has "3 bathrooms" so we had an appointment to see it. We walked though, you fell in love with it and we bought it that week. Here is where we spent the last 26 years of our lives. You were so proud of our home. And you have left a big empty space. One that is filled with years of memories....Didn't hurt at all to just take a look.






Love,


Paula

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.

My dearest Richard:

Do you remember what today is? That's right, it is Justin's birthday. Your son, you would say. And even though he doesn't share your biology he is your son. Has been from the very beginning. Just a wee lad of three. He doesn't remember living with his dad at all. The biological dad, that is. You've always been DAD to him. I remember how I loved to see him grab hold of your index finger and walk along beside you. How proud you've always been of him. How you used to brag about his football years and then when he became a cop. How your buttons almost burst when you talked about his cop exploits. Someone that you used to work with at Eaton recently told me that it was years before they knew we had two sons....it was Justin they heard about all the time.

His cake at age 12
(I'm sure you bought this one)

You baked their birthday cakes for them. And when that stopped you went to Dairy Queen and bought them an ice cream cake. That is our tradition. We had an Oreo Ice Cream cake this past
Saturday..39 now!
Saturday for his birthday. And we all thought of you. He misses you as much as I do. And his grief is just as painful. You were very lucky to be so loved. And we were very lucky that you loved us.


Love,

Paula 

Happy 39th Birthday Justin...you are the best son a mother could ever ask for. 

You've Done Some of These...Haven't You?

I found this on Facebook recently. It brought back so many memories that I thought I would share this here and see if there are any of you who did the same things. Heck, I was letting my kids and MY grandkids pee in the yard for years. When we had a pool in the backyard there was no way they were going to go dripping in the house just to pee. So they'd climb the ladder, run to a hidden corner and pee. Big deal! I still play the quiet game when we are in the car. Teens love it too! I was so bad that I used to tell my boys that a monster lived in the hallway so that they wouldn't come out of their bedrooms during nap time. Didn't work so great when they got bigger. But kept those little ones nicely in their beds when they were toddlers. And, yes, 18 and 19 I have said more times than I care to count. And now they are saying it to their kids. How 'bout you? Did you do any of these things? Or other things you'd like to add to the list.....

Monday, October 20, 2014

SECOND

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.


 Dearest Richard:

Today is October 21. Three months since you died. I cannot believe it has been only three months. It seems like it was just yesterday. Yesterday when you last squeezed my fingers. Yesterday when I last saw that tiny smile and those twinkling eyes. Will it ever get any easier? I feel so empty. I miss you so much. There is a pain in my chest that won't go away. It is the pain of a broken heart. I wonder if that pain will end. I wonder if the crack in my heart will mend. Will I always feel this way?

Three months. At times it feels like 3 years. Or 30 years. Or even 300 years. I struggle to hear your voice. I strain to see your face. I know that you are right here near me and I hold you close. In my heart. I touch the things that you touched. And remember. I don't want to move on. I just want to stand here in this very spot where you last were. I need a second. Or a minute. Another hour with you would be so nice. I want to hear you laugh. See you smile. Hear you call my name. Know that you will always be right there. I just need to see you, hear you, feel you for a second.

You can see how confused I am about time. It only seems a second, yet it seems so long ago. 


Love forever, 

Paula

My Simple Woman's Daybook-October 20th Edition

FOR TODAY...October 20, 2014



Outside my window...It is clear. The stars look as if you could reach out your hand and pluck on right out of the sky. It is 61* and will probably we closer to 40* by morning. Typical fall in Kansas



I am thinking...I am thinking I will not have very many nice days left to do my touch up painting outside and sand and paint the back door. Wish me luck!



I am thankful...for all that I have. Despite all of my whining I am a very lucky woman



In the kitchen...
Monday...Clean out the Fridge Day
Tuesday...Pancakes and Bacon
Wednesday...Kids at church
Thursday...Baked Tacos*
Friday...Chili
Saturday...Spaghetti, garlic bread, salad
Sunday...Meat Loaf, mashed taters, broccoli
*linked recipe



I am wearing...White shorts, tee shirt, no shoes.



I am creating...Memories in my mind



I am going...To have more hope this week. And find some peace while I'm at it.



I am wondering...How some people always seem to be so positive and chipper. Is it hard?



I am reading...Just downloaded Jodi Picoult's Leaving Time. I like her books usually



I am hoping...to find plenty of time to read this week. And still get outside some.



I am looking forward to...Saturday October 25..the greenhouse down the road is selling their mums for 1/2 price. I think I'll get some for the patio



I am learning...That living without my love is hard but not impossible.



Around the house...I need a kick in the pants to get in gear this week. But I have hope



I am pondering...What to do with a teenage girl that doesn't seem to get that talking back is just not cool.....any ideas out there?



A favorite quote for today...


One of my favorite things...Sunshine, beautiful sunshine


A few plans for the rest of the week:Getting outdoors









A peek into my day...
My fall vignette created last week!                             



If you want to read others journal entries go visit The Simple Woman's Blog and link up

Sunday, October 19, 2014

FEAR

This is part of my 31 Day Five Minute Free Writes challenge within a challenge. I will be linking up with 31 Day Challenge at The Nester's as well as at Heading Home. For a list of all my letters you can go here.


Dear Richard:

I am not one to fear much in life. There are a couple of phobias that will be much harder now without you here.

My biggest fear is of mice. Have been so afraid of them since I was a small girl. You were my hero when it came to taking care of them for me. We have some funny 'mice'
stories at our house. But you never made me feel silly or irrational with this fear. You just took care of it. What will I do now if I see a mouse in the house? I shudder to think. I will do all that I can to keep them away. More steel wool, you think?

And then there is my fear of flying. That will be easy....I just won't fly. Remember the time we arrived at the airport to find that we did not have seats next to each other and I freaked out. You asked at the desk if they could change it. They told you just to ask the person sitting next to you if they would switch. I remember you saying to that
sweet little man..."would you mind switching with my wife? Or you can sit and let her hold your hand...she's afraid of flying." The man graciously gave up his seat. And you would whisper to me, as the plane took off, so I would know when to expect it and what all the noises meant. And landing was the worst. But you let me know what was going on while I squeezed your hand and buried my head. I won't be able to fly again. It will be too hard.

But the one thing I did not fear was losing you. Never. I guess I didn't think it would happen. Or I just didn't fear it. I miss you. But you are here in my heart.

Forever,

Paula

The Gray and Guilty Sea

I just finished reading  The Gray and Guilty Sea by Scott William Carter. It was a Nook freebie and surprisingly I found it to be pretty good. I liked the main character. He was definitely my idea of a "curmudgeon". I fell in love with him early on in the book. It didn't go into enough detail about his past to really let me know what has caused him to be the way he was. Maybe that will come out in future books. This was the first of 3 in the Garrison Gage series. Here is what Publisher's Weekly has to say:

 

 

Overview

"Carter's writing is on target." - Publishers Weekly
A curmudgeon. An iconoclast. A loner. That's how people describe Garrison Gage, and that's when they're being charitable.
After his wife's brutal murder in New York, and Gage himself is beaten nearly to death, the crippled private investigator retreats three thousand miles to the quaint coastal town of Barnacle Bluffs, Oregon. He spends the next five years in a convalescent stupor, content to bide his time filling out crossword puzzles and trying to forget that his wife's death is his fault. But all that changes when he discovers the body of a young woman washed up on the beach, and his conscience draws him back into his old occupation - forcing him to confront the demons of his own guilt before he can hope to solve the girl's murder.