Friday, April 18, 2014

Quiet, Quirky and Quarrels

  Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!


I long for quiet days.
I long for longer nights.
Why is it that the days seem to drag.
While the nights just fly by?
Anyone who is a caregiver knows this is true.
Too much to do and it goes on and on.
We long for the times when they are sleeping
And the quiet falls over our homes.
But instead of us falling down exhausted
To catch a snooze or two.
We end up surfing the net or cleaning up.
It is just what we caregivers do.

I have noticed that he has become quirky.
He hasn't always been.
He has developed new habits and ways
I don't know where to begin.
He used to keep his thoughts to himself.
Now he doesn't mind sharing them.
We say he no longer has a filter.
I try to warn people in advance.
But he says whatever he's thinking.
And sometimes it isn't so nice.
I have learned to roll with the punches.
He's still the same to me.
But there have been times that I have seen
Others shudder and then look 'funny' at me.

My husband was never one to argue.
He didn't like to quarrel.
If anything he went out of his way.
To avoid any kind of fight.
But since his stroke.
And his personality change.
There are days that's all he does.
It seems I can never do anything right.
If I call it to his attention.
He tells me that isn't what he meant.
And that alone will set him off.
To quarrel with me again.
I long for him to get quiet.
In his quirky way.
But I also like how he quarrels
He's a bit feisty, I'd say.




Peace, Piss and Poop

Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!


I spend each day searching for peace.
I wonder if it will ever come.
I'd like to live quietly.
But I don't want to be alone.
Peace is a good thing. 
Peace for the world.
Peace for everyone.
It's really not possible, that much I know.
Because it's what life is all about.
Wishing for peace.

Mostly I live with piss and poop.
Not very nice words, I know.
But it is my reality.
A part we are willing to show. 
I know a man who wrote a blog
He called it waste management.
I thought that was appropriate.
But I am not really that kind.
To me it is piss.
Or pee, if you wish.
And his is very, very orange.
The medication he takes causes this.
But at least it gathers into a bag.
If I had to deal with incontinence
I would really turn into a hag.
Piss and poop are just part of our life.
Nothing to moan about.
Unless of course there is a problem.
Then we will have to sort it all out.
I'm thankful he's the regular kind.
We haven't had much to deal with here.
And occasional spasm or a UTI.
Are just a part of the game.
Putting this all together,it fits
Piss and Poop if done right
Will bring Peace!
And you may laugh, if you wish

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Oligated, Odors, and Obsessive

Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!




I feel obligated.
I'd be a liar if I didn't say that.
I take care of him everyday.
Out of obligation.
I said that vow when we married.
You know the one.
In sickness and in health.
For better or for worse.
For richer or poorer.
Until death do us part.
I said those words without thinking.
Like so many of us do.
No one ever thinks it will get like this.
Then we are surprised.
Like we had no clue.
But obligation is real life.
Part of being a wife.

Odors are part of it too.
Good odors and bad odors of everyday things.
Odors that please and displease.
I've learned ways from being a nurse.
To battle those that seem like a curse.
We often don't think about the odors
Of the ones we love.
I will miss his smell when he is gone.
I will cling to his pillow, long after it's done.

He has become so obsessive.
Or was he like this before?
Maybe I never noticed.
I had lots of other things to do.
He folds and re-folds anything close by.
I silently watch as the Kleenex becomes a pile.
Or the napkins by his plate reach nearly a mile.
He likes things just right.
Lined up next to his chair.
And we shouldn't move it.
Not even a hair.
Yes, I am obligated to care.
For his obsessiveness and the odors
And I try not to despair.


Nice, Needy, and Neglectful

Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!





I am nice and he is needy.
And many things are neglected.
I could leave it at that.
But it wouldn't be true.
So I'll have to work it out.
He is too nice and at times I am too.
The feelings I protect are his.
But if others get in my way I will become
like a snake and hiss.
It's hard to be nice when things need done.
His needs are many.
And many more will come.
He can't get up alone.
He cannot walk.
He cannot bend either arm.
He needs help with water.
And help with food.
And all of his dressing, I need to do.
Many trips to the bathroom.
Pushing, and pulling, and standing and sitting
Are things I do all day long.
Sometimes it is funny and other times sad
And sometimes I do it wrong.
He likes to tell me when I mess up.
God Bless him for that.

Many others areas are neglected.
Like family and friends.
The inside of the house; the outside too.
I don't clean bedrooms or under the bed.
If he can't see me he gets worried
So I clean where he's at.
The laundry piles up. The kids will help.
When they are home. I have errands to run.
But I have to hurry or he won't be nice
Things get neglected, but it will be alright.
Because he is needy and I need to be nice.

One Word Wednesday

I don't do much of any other kind of blogging in April except for the A To Z Challenge because I spend so much time out there reading other blogs. But my friend Lisa at My Sweet Peanut has a link-up on Wednesdays called One Word Wednesday. She has written up prompts and one of her sweet kiddos reach into a jar and pull out a prompt for those of us who link up. This week her prompt is ESCAPE





ESCAPE

How do I escape the burdens of being a caregiver? How do I get away from worrying and caring for two teenage grandchildren who live with us full-time? What do I do to take care of myself?

I am not very good at this. I am a self-admitted, full-time control freak. I know that no one else can take care of Richard as good as I can. And he doesn't want anyone else to take care of him. So for the most part, I am here at his side 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Except for Saturday nights when Justin comes and I go back and sleep in my own bed, instead of on the couch, next to his hospital bed, that is set up in our living room. I go to the grocery store and leave him with one of the kids. I take the other one with me. That puts a stop to all sibling rivalry type problems, if you know what I mean. I take the kids to the places they need to go. On Wednesday evenings, when they go to church, it takes me exactly 14 minutes to drive them to church and race back home where I have left him parked in front of the TV in his recliner. He can't get out of the recliner by himself. If the weather is nice I take him with me. 

I dream about getting away by myself. But I don't go. I talk about it. But I don't do it. I am afraid that coming home after being away will just make being here that much harder. I don't think it will rejuvenate me. I think it would depress me.

So what do I do? I spend a lot of time on the computer. Right here, where he can see me. I write on my blog. I read other peoples blog and leave comments and make new friends. (I have found that when something like this happens to you the friends you thought you had aren't really around anymore). I belong to a Facebook group for mothers of addicts. I think I am ready to move on from that group cause I really don't need it anymore. My oldest brother comes by a few times a week and that breaks up our day. We look forward to the visit from the Hospice nurse. She has become our friend.

I read. But not as much as I used to. I just can't get into books anymore. I watch TV. A lot of TV!


And I dream of paradise. 


Monday, April 14, 2014

Mixed -Up, Moody and Money

Here is My A To Z Challenge. An adventure. My attempt at telling you my story. I care for my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease.
We have good days and we have bad days. Hope you will follow along....A TO Z!


He can be very mixed up.
Then some days he is so clear.
It is hard to know which it will be.
But he always knows me.
I am thankful for that.
He forgets he can't walk.
He forgets he has this disease.
He forgets what the date is,
Or the day of the week.
He hardly ever gets the year right.
When we asks him if he knows.
It's crazy how the brain works.
How it takes away certain things.
He always remembers his childhood.
But rarely remembers he read today's paper.
Or when was the last time he stood.

And both of us can get so moody.
Me more so than him.
He's always been so even.
And my patience can really wear thin.
It takes a lot of time, for everything he does
And I just want to rush him.
Then neither of us win.
It's usually when I'm pushing him.
That he gets moody, too.

But my biggest of worries has been money.
That we never have enough.
In the beginning it was so stressful.
He had always handled this stuff.
I had to learn all of the ins and outs.
And who he paid and when.
I've worked it out and now it's not too bad.
Then next month I get to worry again.
It's true what they say about money
It doesn't buy happiness, honey.

Spring in Kansas

If you are here to see my A To Z post scroll down.....

On Thursday it was 82* here. This morning we woke up to 32* and this wonderful white stuff all over the ground.....